GP advising not to drink - is it serious?

[wheresmybed]

I've just been told by someone very trustworthy who was in the vicinity of the phone call that my DM was explicitly told by her GP that she should not be having any alcohol at all. Her phone speaker is really loud even when it's not on loudspeaker so they could just about make out what was said.

This was quite a few months ago but I haven't seen the person who has told me this information for a while due to the pandemic but they have told me now - they are very sure that the GP clearly said she cannot drink and needs cut it out altogether. They couldn't make out what the reason for it was but they were sure of the context and said DM seemed a bit flustered and in a rush to get the dr off the phone.

The thing is she still drinks and most likely too much (I think this is also why the person decided to share this information with me) DBro who lives with them and is currently in the process of moving out and planning to go LC commented that she often gets really sick and has really bad hangovers even if she doesn't seem to drink all that much but I didn't think anything of it until now.
DF is a functioning alcoholic and DM is an enabler and I know they often drink together as well.

I remember back when she had the tests done as she was experiencing some pain and having issues with her blood pressure but at the time when I asked if she'd heard back about the results she swiftly brushed over the subject and mentioned something how she needs to have some additional tests as they came out wrong but it has never been talked about again.

She's barely 50 and I'm quite concerned with this new information.
I know if I try to ask her about it she will brush me off or lie.
I'm not sure what could warrant a person being told to not drink anymore and I'm worried about her as she's clearly ignored the medical advice.

Is it something very serious if a GP gives out that type of advice?

Possibly it is, but a doctor can do no more than give advice. My brother was told to cut down and ultimately stop drinking many times because of severe damage caused to his brain and liver by alcohol. Didn't make a blind bit of difference because he didn't want to stop. On the other hand, it might be because of a certain medication your mother is taking, but if she is acting against advice there is not really a lot you can do, is there?

If it was that dangerous surely no GP would advise someone to just stop drinking without prescribing any medication to aid withdrawals?

That's really sad. @Reedwarbler I'm worried this is a similar case.

She isn't on any medication and it seems like she's avoiding seeing her GP altogether now.

My parents were very similar to yours OP. Mum was given the same advice 3 years ago, ignored it and died of cirrhosis last month.

There will be nothing you can say to convince her to change her behaviour. That has to be her choice. But do address it with her so that, if the worst comes to the worst down the line, you don't regret your silence.

It could about a serious health problem (alcoholism, liver or kidney problems) or it could just have been a medication warning ; not to drink alcohol while she's taking a course of prescription medication that alcohol would interfere with. (some antibiotics and anti depressants)

If it was that dangerous surely no GP would advise someone to just stop drinking without prescribing any medication to aid withdrawals?

They can and they do. I've been advised not to drink more than 4 units a week. This isn't a problem for me because I barely drink, but I do have elevated liver enzymes. My guess is that this could be something similar to your mum. There are also many medications where drinking alcohol is not a good idea due to interactions. Drs don't say this lightly in my experience.

She doesn't take any medication at all. The conversation wasn't heard in full but basically the doctor was saying due to her results which were whatever they were (they didn't catch that bit) she shouldn't be drinking alcohol at all.

I don't think the doctor actually knew the extent of her drinking as I'd be willing to bet a fair bit on the fact she would have definitely lied on the forms about it.

Her blood tests could show a problem in her liver functionaHas she had an u/s? If she has it could have shown problems related to alcohol intake.

@Torvean32 do you mean an ultrasound?

If so then no she hasn't. I think she had some bloods and the basic samples taken and she also had a heart/pulse monitor she had to wear for a couple of days including at night to monitor her heart rate or something along those lines. She submitted it all and handed the device back and then had the call a couple of weeks or so later.

No idea but I would maybe bring it up, I don’t know your mum though so if you think that wouldn’t go down well obviously do what you think is right. I guess it’s serious given the checks she’s had done and the results coming from that. Being told not to drink at all must mean it’s having some type of negative effect on her.

Given the supplementary information in your post I think it is likely that she has health problems (probably liver damage) related to heavy drinking but is in denial and has probably underrepresented what she drinks to her gp. Which suggests that is probably alcohol dependent too.

So yes, serious.

Problem is if your DF is alcohol dependent, she could have lost all perspective of what she herself is drinking as compared to him it's not that much. But because she is female she can have more damage from less booze. I think people get into the idea that the other person is an alcoholic and they are not like the other person therefore can't be alcoholic, when actually alcoholism is a great big messy spectrum. There as many types of drinker as there are people, no two are the same, but many will be alcoholic even if there drinking has very little in common. So she is actually more likely to be in denial than somebody who is not in a close relationship with an alcoholic. She just can't see herself that way. Some people will let that denial kill them, because the truth they would have to admit otherwise is so damaging to their sense of self. Be gentle with her, but be there for her. You can't make her face her problems, but you will likely regret not being there for her if or when she really needs you.

Fatty liver? Possibly Raised ALT readings.

I think you make a very good point @ZarasHouse I know she definitely isn't as bad as my DF as he's now struggling to be sober even when he knows I'm visiting with DCs. He's partially in denial too though, he talks about how he will limit his drinking to special occasions only, he doesn't get that he shouldn't be drinking at all as someone with an alcohol problem, I've seen it very well before that once he has 1 or 2 beers the switch has been turned on and he won't stop there.
DM told me that his drinking is "better" - in her mind better because he isn't having 2/3/4 day benders like he did at one point last year. Never mind that I'm 99.9% sure he drink drives as he will often have alcohol in his system in the morning after a long night drinking or will have a beer to "help his hangover".
But I'm really not around often enough to know the full extent of the situation.

@Pinkshrimp I know there's non-alcoholic fatty liver. Would simple blood tests/urine samples and a 48hr heart rate/pulse monitor give a dr enough information to determine whether its alcohol or non alcohol related?

@Quietlyloud a part of me wants to talk to her but she will no doubt spin a tale and go about convincing me how it's not the case and I also can't really tell her I've been told this new information without putting the only person who was present at the time in a very awkward situation.

I've had very little sleep last night and not sure what I should do with this knowledge. Especially since I don't know what the potential condition is.

She might be lying to you about medication, if she is lying to you about other things. I hope it is just that. I am afraid it might be worse. You can certainly have a word with her, but remember if she choses to lie to you or mislead you, that is not a bad reflection on you. You didn't cause this, you can't cure it and you can't control this. That's not to say that you should not suggests various kinds of help, or talk to them, but please don't beat yourself up with "if I did this or that then it would have been better. There are Al anon meetings online, if you feel you need support from someone outside your immediate circle, and I'm sure other similar organisations. One thing that surprised me at my first meeting though, was that it wasn't what I thought at all - I was expecting instruction on how to help "the alcoholics in our lives", or how to modify my behaviour so I was no long the cause of their problems, or not good enough for them to stop drinking. It wasn't like that at all. In fact, everything that I'd been told about it was 100% wrong. Except the anonymous bit. That was right.

Yes, there are blood tests which can show whether her lover damage unlikely to do with alcohol or not. There is a blood test called a gammaGT (or GGT) in some places. There are a couple of things which can raise it (pregnancy or bone cancers, I think) but the most likely cause is alcohol. In some places, the gamma is reported as a routine part of LFTs, in other places, it is a separate test.

If her liver has affected her clotting levels, in normal times, she should have been sent for an ultrasound of her liver and a referral to gastroenterology as it means the liver damage is getting more severe and is becoming irreparable. She may not have consented to this though.

The 48 hour monitor could either have been a heart monitor (stickers would have been on her chest) or possibly an ambulatory blood pressure monitor (she would have had a blood pressure cuff on her arm). If it was blood pressure, it was probably that she had a raised reading at the surgery and they wanted to assess further. If it was a heart monitor, it's possible that she is reporting dizziness or has had collapses or possibly mini strokes (althought it would be likely she would have been started on aspirin or similar if that were the case and probably seen in the hospital's TIA clinic) and they want to assess for abnormal heart rhythms which can be sustained or which patients can flip in and out of.

Urine tests wouldn't be used to assess the liver. They were possibly looking for infection or assessing for blood or protein in her urine.

Can you outright ask her?

It is a long story but I had a relative in similar situation, for about 10 years it was all secrets with a little bit of info slipped out. She didn’t even drink that much either but she would get drunk quickly and I think it was the daily drinking that was damaging her liver.

Hundreds of conversations were had with her and her husband she either wouldn’t listen wouldn’t tell the truth, it was just a real waste of energy. People have to want to be helped. Sadly she died and even then, it was all twisted around that none of it was even her fault and it wasn’t drink related at all, when it clearly was. Comparing it to a mans drinking is just clever deflection, men can tolerate more alcohol than women especially if the woman is very petite and slim like my relative was, she didn’t eat properly.

When people are this deep in denial they are lying to themselves and sadly there is not much you can do to force them to face up to it x

I'm so sad for you OP, our parents are meant to look after us and be responsible. If they are 50s you must be very young yourself. All I can say is, this is not your fault and not something you can take any responsibility for fixing. My best advice is to get support for yourself in dealing with this.

Thanks for all that info @86Emily it was a blood pressure monitor. I think I remember as she complained about it squeezing her arm quite hard. I think one of the reasons she went was because of dizzy spells and something else but for some reason I can't remember, it was just over a year ago. Also she said she had some sort of kidney or UTI infection around 3 years ago as she ended up hospitalised with severe pain in her back, she was getting hot and cold shivers and it was a dreadful time but I'm now wondering if any of this is related.
I know she definitely would have underrepresented the amount she drinks on the forms, I'm willing to bet on it.
She didn't have any scans as far as I'm aware.

@GoodbyePorpoiseSpit I did ask her at the time what the results were. She said to me that the results were messed up because she drank the night before at a party and she must've still had it in her system the morning after when she went for her appointment but even if that was the case I'm doubtful that would warrant the call she got. She told me she needed to have them redone but the person who told me about it said that there was no mention of redoing them on the phone call.

That's really sad @Menora .

Thanks @GetUpAgain I'm mid 20s. I laugh with my DH that I feel like I'm in my 40s sometimes. I've listened to many a drunken monologue from my DF, held my mums sick bucket before after she drank too much at a house party and had to take herself to bed and watched my DF crawling on all fours around the house once after a day out with the lads crying about God knows what. Oh and that time my DM was laid on the floor throwing crisps all over the place like confetti singing too. Or when she decided to completely annihilate my character and point out all of my flaws and shortcomings (some which I was already painfully aware of) and even go as far as to ask me if I though my DP (now DH) didn't look at or fancy other women because she saw it herself.
At the time I believed it was just normal part of being adults that you sometimes drink too much and act silly and that I was feeling all mature because they obviously trusted me with that.
Now with DCs of my own I would absolutely hate for them to ever see me like that or have to look after me because I drank too much.

wheresmybed I hear that, can’t drop the person in it like that. It’s a tough one for sure then, like how do you be concerned without letting on you know anything? I can’t think of anything that can be done in that situation except sit back and watch it play out but then if you’re someone that wants to help her and you can’t I’d say that wouldn’t be easy.

Not anyone’s place to be listening into or reporting overheard conversations about someone else’s personal information. A complete abuse of your mothers rights.They clearly aren’t quite as trustworthy as you think.
One of your business, to be frank.

@wheresmybed

Thanks for all that info *@86Emily* it was a blood pressure monitor. I think I remember as she complained about it squeezing her arm quite hard. I think one of the reasons she went was because of dizzy spells and something else but for some reason I can't remember, it was just over a year ago. Also she said she had some sort of kidney or UTI infection around 3 years ago as she ended up hospitalised with severe pain in her back, she was getting hot and cold shivers and it was a dreadful time but I'm now wondering if any of this is related. I know she definitely would have underrepresented the amount she drinks on the forms, I'm willing to bet on it. She didn't have any scans as far as I'm aware.

@GoodbyePorpoiseSpit I did ask her at the time what the results were. She said to me that the results were messed up because she drank the night before at a party and she must've still had it in her system the morning after when she went for her appointment but even if that was the case I'm doubtful that would warrant the call she got. She told me she needed to have them redone but the person who told me about it said that there was no mention of redoing them on the phone call.

That's really sad @Menora .

Thanks @GetUpAgain I'm mid 20s. I laugh with my DH that I feel like I'm in my 40s sometimes. I've listened to many a drunken monologue from my DF, held my mums sick bucket before after she drank too much at a house party and had to take herself to bed and watched my DF crawling on all fours around the house once after a day out with the lads crying about God knows what. Oh and that time my DM was laid on the floor throwing crisps all over the place like confetti singing too. Or when she decided to completely annihilate my character and point out all of my flaws and shortcomings (some which I was already painfully aware of) and even go as far as to ask me if I though my DP (now DH) didn't look at or fancy other women because she saw it herself.
At the time I believed it was just normal part of being adults that you sometimes drink too much and act silly and that I was feeling all mature because they obviously trusted me with that.
Now with DCs of my own I would absolutely hate for them to ever see me like that or have to look after me because I drank too much.

Oh op, I'm sorry you went through this too. X

My parents were also incredibly emotionally and verbally abusive and I totally get what you mean about your view changing when you have children.

I often look at my DC and think 'how could they say/do that to me if they loved me as much as I loved my DC'

Shit isnt it.

My mother also won't look after her health. She stopped drinking when she divorced my dad but refuses to acknowledge any of the repercussions.

There's nothing you can do. You need to take a step back and strengthen your boundaries x

She said to me that the results were messed up because she drank the night before at a party and she must've still had it in her system the morning after when she went for her appointment

She’s lying. She is downplaying it because she has been told to cut down (or stop) drinking, and she doesn’t want to, or can’t, and she doesn’t want you to know that she has a drinking problem.

held my mums sick bucket before after she drank too much at a house party

I find that so sad. I have never got so drunk that my daughter had had to do that. In fact, her friends think it’s weird that DD has never seen me drunk. I got all of that out of my system before I had her.

One of your business, to be frank.

Did you mean none @CherryPavlova?

In this case it very much is her business. This is her mother the OP is talking about, not some random stranger

SIL's husband recently died from alcoholism, so I completely understand your concerns OP.

In my experience alcoholics lie. About how much they drink, what the doctor says - all of it. My mother's consultant wrote her GP a very blunt letter saying he had told her that if she continued to drink she would die within two years, and sent her a copy. Made no difference, and she was dead within a year. Liver damage led to gastric varicies which then burst. She'd had rehab, detox, years of therapy, antiabuse, librium, antidepressants, blood transfusions, numerous hospital stays, numerous tests - and she was never once honest about her alcohol intake. The day after she died - once we'd cleaned up the blood, all of her blood, that is - we ended up hysterical at all the odd places we were finding empty bottles. They were everywhere! Under the sofa, behind the curtains, behind books on the bookshelf. And yet if you had asked her, she didn't have a drink problem.

Living with your father who is also drinking is not going to help her not drinking. Have you spoken to Al-anon?