To not invite friend to birthday gathering

[itsblueisntit]

Got a friend who is becoming more of an acquaintance due to certain irritations.

One of them is around birthdays and celebrations. In recent years she's started doing a 'I'm not giving presents on the actual day' thing as she says her contributions don't get thought about or recognised. So she gives presents at random times instead. This now applies to Easter eggs for kids, Christmas presents, the lot. No gifts but instead something else is given at another time randomly if at all. This sounds nice in a way as it could be special but it's how she does it. Big drama about why she does it at every celebration and announcement of not to expect anything from her wink wink etc

Now, I don't want a present anyway. I'm at that stage in life where I have what I have so more about seeing people than getting stuff BUT her continual need to be different and draw it back to her is irritating the fuck out of me. No money worries on her part either.

Would IBU to not meet up with her for my birthday given it will be her smugly gloating about how she doesn't give? Is it ok to exclude her on the basis she's opted out?

Even reading this back I'm wondering why I'm even asking!

Yeah, you don't need to ask. She sounds like a self-indulgent twat.

Does sound a bit annoying!

If you want to invite her other than this could you say in advance “I don’t want any presents or any fuss made about presents” or some other way of heading her off, so no explanations are necessary.

She sounds insufferable. Clearly she never learned that people’s birthdays are about THEM, not her. I would be easing her out of my life too.

Sounds insufferably smug! I can't be done with all this gift giving politics, I'm also at a time in life where I have everything I need and what I don't have, I can afford to choose and buy my own. Puts a stop to wasting money on pointless shite and is actually quite liberating.

Like the OP, I've reached that stage in life where I have enough stuff, and it really is about seeing friends for a celebration. Two of my good friends recently celebrated a significant birthday jointly, and you might like to borrow the phrase they used on their invitations: "No presents are needed, your presence is enough!"

You don’t want a present.
You prefer not to give presents.
And are asking if it’s okay to exclude her from your birthday because she has opted out of giving you a present?

That doesn’t make sense.

I’d exclude her from my birthday (and life) for being an annoying attention seeker.

She sounds weird. high maintenance. I'd take the opportunity to ditch her completely.

She sounds like a self centred tit tbh. YANBU not to want to invite her. I expect the present thing is just you understandably looking for a reason not to invite her!

I’d turn it back around on her - you didn’t want to invite her along with everyone else, you’d prefer your time with her to be more individual and meaningful - then not get around to having the special time

What happens when it's her birthday?

@CherryBlossomPink is an evil genius.

Yes, say you're going to invite her to a get together, just the two of you, on a random date in the future.

Doesn’t sound like you will have fun with her. So no invite.

It sounds like she's trying to make everything about her, as if her present is just the most amazing thing to be awaited.

I mean, presents are nice and thoughtful, but to wait for another time so yours stands out is a bit self-indulgent. I appreciate every single present that I receive on my birthday and will thank whoever gave it to me, but yes, if I get a few, I might not spend time gushing over every single one - I'm not that kind of person anyway, I'm more quietly grateful. I don't think I could ever give this woman the reaction she seems to want!

@CherryBlossomPink

I’d turn it back around on her - you didn’t want to invite her along with everyone else, you’d prefer your time with her to be more individual and meaningful - then not get around to having the special time

Brilliant. Going to use this.

@Sunnydaysstillhere

What happens when it's her birthday?

Her expectations are through the roof. Picks the most expensive restaurant then sits back, quaffing champagne as we pick up the bill. Oh, and presents are expected.

I know I know. Why did I even have to ask the question. She's a nightmare.