AIBU to ask about your 10yo Daughters?

[HappyEverAfter15]

I'll be honest, I'm really struggling with my Daughter at the moment. She was 10 in July.
I'm expecting to be told it's hormones, well almost hoping, but I can't help but worry.
She just seems so so angry and unhappy.

She is good at school, reasonably popular within a lovely group of friends, well behaved, almost always does as she's told and apart from the moods, is pretty much an angel.

She has a younger sibling & I've often wondered if maybe some jealousy is starting? Myself and DP (not their Dad) try to keep her involved in everything, but a lot of the time she will just go "too far" & ends up ruining the game (just an eg.) or going too far with rough play, gets told off when she's hurt somebody & ends up stating how much she hates her life & saying we hate her etc.

What am I doing wrong? Is this pre teen behaviour? I'm more scared that she's going to end up feeling the same way about me that I do about my own mother. I'm constantly fighting with myself questioning if I'm over compensating for that & creating a "brat" or if I'm being too hard on her & making her hate me.

I genuinely get the impression that she dislikes her life & cant help but blame myself.

The majority of the time she really is a lovely girl & I wonder if I'm thinking & worrying too much. What can I do? We have a great relationship, (I believe, mainly in comparison to friends & their daughters, or especially my own with my Mum) but I can't stop having these niggles that I'm not getting it right.

Can anyone share any of their own experiences? Is this normal? What can I do to help her?

Shamefully bumping..

Hey. I've not experienced this with my 10yo daughter but my son was very unhappy and difficult at that age. To the point we got referred to cahms. He's a bundle of anxieties basically so year 6 with its emphasis on being the oldest in primary and having to work hard and set an example, alongside focus on transition to secondary just freaked him out I reckon. You, of course, are dealing with covid on top.

We did a lot of getting him on his own and trying to get him to open up a little. Not always successfully but I think the 'I hate myself' raging comes from a lot of pent up stuff they can't express. Mostly though he just grew out of it as he went into secondary.

Thankyou for replying!

I've been thinking about creating a little communication note book between just her and I?

Maybe I could start it & write a few things (please, suggestions welcome!) and give her the opportunity to write personal things in there that only I can see perhaps? I really don't know. I feel at such a loss.

I know periods is something she is worrying about, she's particularly scared of starting at school (she's just in year 6 so this is all the talk amongst friends at the moment)

I just want to help her.

You sound like an excellent mother trying to do the right thing. Try looking into emotional validation and see if that helps open up communication with your daughter, she may feel unable to express her feelings safely.

@JulyMum20

You sound like an excellent mother trying to do the right thing. Try looking into emotional validation and see if that helps open up communication with your daughter, she may feel unable to express her feelings safely.

Thank you, I will have a google right now!

My DD started her period in Y6 (like yours a summer baby)and was so overcome with hormones at 10 her moods were awful and we all had such a hard time. She was also worried about secondary (although never told me this at the time). Once she'd actually started her periods things really calmed down for her and now she's in Y8 and she's a delight and so lovely to be with again. It was really hard at the time though but just wanted to reassure that (for want of a better word) a phase which she's very much out of the other side of (for now).

@newlabelwriter

My DD started her period in Y6 (like yours a summer baby)and was so overcome with hormones at 10 her moods were awful and we all had such a hard time. She was also worried about secondary (although never told me this at the time). Once she'd actually started her periods things really calmed down for her and now she's in Y8 and she's a delight and so lovely to be with again. It was really hard at the time though but just wanted to reassure that (for want of a better word) a phase which she's very much out of the other side of (for now).

Thank you so much. This is exactly what I was hoping I would hear. Although I appreciate any other kind of responses too, I've been trying to tell myself it will pass & we haven't lost our relationship. I just can't help but worry for her & torture myself with thoughts of her ever feeling unloved or unwanted.

Maybe that's a little bit of my own issues from childhood perhaps, but I really do worry about it.

Thank you for replying! It's really helpful to hear it's happened to others before.