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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure what we are hoping for

5 replies

GeekyGirl42 · 17/09/2020 22:13

My Mum is not the nicest of people. She has in the past exaggerated illness to get attention from people and to exert control. I have what they call "abuse syndrome" as a result of being raised by her.

Last 3 years she's been showing significant cognitive decline. However, the minute you get her in front of a social worker, she is much better. She barely speaks to me, and acts extremely oddly around me. Have heard from my step siblings though that she's been telling them she "finds me difficult" and wishes she could see her grandchild without seeing me. This is new - normally she'd be very careful to appear to be a doting mother and then do the less doting stuff behind closed doors.

The step children dispise her because of how she treats their Dad. She gets very upset if he spends longer than 5 minutes on the phone to them or tries to visit them. If he doesn't do as she wants, she physically attacks him. He's been seen with bruises, a split lip and teeth marks.

I joined forces with my step sister and reported this to social services, and they said she either voluntarily complied with diagnostic tests or they would need to evaluate the situation further. They told me the next step would be a type of section to enable diagnosis.

She had a CT scan today. Apparently there was a big fuss. I don't know why, but that REALLY upsets me.

And I'm not sure what I'm hoping for. If the scan is clear, then it's as a fear - she's exaggerating how bad her memory is to get attention and control people (and to justify treating my step dad and me like shit).

But then what kind of messed up situation is this that I'm wishing my own mother had some kind of brain disease?

OP posts:
pooopypants · 17/09/2020 22:18

No advice OP, just a hand hold

pooopypants · 17/09/2020 22:18

No advice OP, just a hand hold

Bollss · 17/09/2020 22:18

I think it's fairly normal to want there to be a reason why she is being horrible. Because then it's not her being horrible, its her condition iyswim.

It's difficult isn't it because obviously you don't want her to be ill either.

Whatever happens op you've done the right thing. Because if she has got a condition then she needs help, and if she hasn't, she needs a different kind of help. And her husband is probably going to benefit here too - he doesn't deserve to be attacked whatever the reason.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 17/09/2020 22:49

Has this come on in the past 5 yrs or so , or has she always been well, horrible?

GeekyGirl42 · 17/09/2020 22:53

Seemed really awful when I was a kid but I'm not sure if that's just because it seemed that way at the time. By anyone's standards though she was horrible to people. She seemed to mellow in older age until this all started up. Or so I thought - my step siblings have a different theory that she's been mistreating step dad for decades, and it's got more intense lately.

OP posts:
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