Teenage parenting mobile question

[Lotty32]

AIBU to tell my 16 year old I'll take away her iPhone and replace with Nokia brick if she turns off her track location device? We all have it on as a family and this is the first time she's done it after a tantrum. My feel is that as we pay the bills I have the right to remove it. Thx

OK - I sympathise if you live in London so much can happen - tubes delayed/traffic incident delaying a bus/crime scene locking down an area etc as well as DC being damn awkward. I think that PP who don't live in London don't have the same perspective.

I really do believe that you need to have a chat with her about why you want the tracking on and why you and her father have it too. Can yo try and agree with her that she leaves it on and what the sanction is - I suspect that cutting her data will be more of a punishment at this age though.

My dd is nearly 17 and has had an iphone for about 3 years, it would never occur to me to track her location, i didn't even know that was a thing. You can do what you want, but i think it's ott.

OK - I sympathise if you live in London so much can happen - tubes delayed/traffic incident delaying a bus/crime scene locking down an area etc as well as DC being damn awkward.

I'm not sure why any of this needs a tracker. Sorely if the tube is delayed or whatever incident your 16 year old would simply message you.

I think that PP who don't live in London don't have the same perspective.

Yeah. That's it. Nobody from outside London knows how to parent

@Londonmummy66

OK - I sympathise if you live in London so much can happen - tubes delayed/traffic incident delaying a bus/crime scene locking down an area etc as well as DC being damn awkward. I think that PP who don't live in London don't have the same perspective.

I really do believe that you need to have a chat with her about why you want the tracking on and why you and her father have it too. Can yo try and agree with her that she leaves it on and what the sanction is - I suspect that cutting her data will be more of a punishment at this age though.

I do live in London and I still don't get it. What an odd argument.

You learn so much on Mumsnet. I didn’t know tracking your kids was a thing . Why?

I use the tracker on my sons phone but he’s 11. I’m not sure I’d use it when he’s 16. My view is is that it’s about trust- as my sons grows if he has acted responsibly letting me know where he is and coming back on time, then I will loosen up on the tracker. Perhaps compromise- tracker only on after a certain time in the evening?

Was going to add at 16 there may be places she’s going that she has a genuine reason that she does not want you to know
About and there’s a privacy issue.
Ie what if she wants to go to the doctors
For a personal matter and doesn’t want you to know? That’s why I say perhaps off in the daytime.

Thx for all your advice and consensus is that I'm wrong and I need to lesson the apron strings - thx all!

OK - I sympathise if you live in London so much can happen - tubes delayed/traffic incident delaying a bus/crime scene locking down an area etc as well as DC being damn awkward. I think that PP who don't live in London don't have the same perspective.

What a stupid thing to say. You do realise the majority of the country: 1) Have no tube. 2) Have such infrequent bus services that there could be five major delayed bus incidents in London one right after the other and London would still have more buses running and 3) There is crime in other parts of the country, not just London.

Unreasonable.

Never had a tracking device on mine... Really over-bearing imo. Sure, I used to tell my parent I was one place when I wasn't, but that's part of growing up, you know, making your own decisions and facing consequences.

I disagree with a pp about "sends the wrong message that if you pay you can track, because a future partner might buy her a phone and use the same excuse to track her"

Surely the daughter would realise that the relationship between her and her partner is different to the one between parent and child? My parent could take possessions away from me if I misbehaved, I wouldn't tolerate my DP doing the same when I annoy him

I also forgot to say that my DD is a super good and well behaved kid - so I really do need to let her go a bit and trust her!

@SafeInBed

I disagree with a pp about "sends the wrong message that if you pay you can track, because a future partner might buy her a phone and use the same excuse to track her"

Surely the daughter would realise that the relationship between her and her partner is different to the one between parent and child? My parent could take possessions away from me if I misbehaved, I wouldn't tolerate my DP doing the same when I annoy him

If that was the case then we wouldn’t have to model good relationships or teach autonomy because kids would just know...

Not allowing a 16 year old any privacy or autonomy just shows that her wishes and opinions don’t count

If everyone had the ability to just not tolerate their DP doing things they didn’t like there would be no abusive relationships. Sadly life isn’t that simple and we need to teach boundaries and skills To set girls up as best we can

People have gone no contact with their parents for less than this.

We've all been on a tracker for a few years.
DD 18 and DS 19 both on it still, I've told them they can come off/delete app but they're both not at all bothered . They're really cool with it and we've never had any issues with them being tracked when younger. Both drive now.
Maybe they like tracking me to know when I'm driving home to cook dinner!
However it was invaluable when DD was in year 10 and had to travel into London every day to dance school.

if that was the case then we wouldn’t have to model good relationships or teach autonomy because kids would just know...

Well, I get that, but surely there's some common sense that once you're an adult you don't have a partner telling you what to do... Because you're not a child? How would you not know that? Pretty sure most kids grow up thinking "I can't wait until I'm an adult so I can do what I want and not have a parent telling me what to do" they don't think "When I get a partner I'm going to let him act like my parents" if my daughter allowed her partner to ground her for her poor behaviour, I'd think she was a bit stupid tbh.

YABU. She is an adult, and as one she has the right to choose whether or not to use the tracking app.

I totally get that you see it as a safety net, BUT you CANNOT watch over them and 'control' your DC by threatening to remove what I am assuming was a gift ?

You have to learn to let go and trust that you have already instilled in her the correct values etc.

@SafeInBed

if that was the case then we wouldn’t have to model good relationships or teach autonomy because kids would just know...

Well, I get that, but surely there's some common sense that once you're an adult you don't have a partner telling you what to do... Because you're not a child? How would you not know that? Pretty sure most kids grow up thinking "I can't wait until I'm an adult so I can do what I want and not have a parent telling me what to do" they don't think "When I get a partner I'm going to let him act like my parents" if my daughter allowed her partner to ground her for her poor behaviour, I'd think she was a bit stupid tbh.

You clearly have zero idea how abusive relationships happen if you think it’s about being stupid.