AIBU - babysitter or idiot?

[Jod07]

When my niece was 9 months old my SIL asked me to look after her one day a week whilst her and her bf were at work. I am a qualified nursery nurse and she preferred if I cared for her since she was so small instead of sending her to a nursery. She is now nearly 2 and I have had her most fridays since 9 months unless her parents were off work and through covid I didn’t have her. Now they have split up and are back at work after being off for months. The first few weeks the didn’t need me to have her and now all of a sudden they require me to have her one day a week again. That is fine but I have just found out my SIL is off work for 2 weeks annual leave but when I asked if I still was getting my niece (so I could make plans) she said she doesn’t know it was up to her ex partner to tell me if he was working or not as it’s his days... not I just feel like an idiot! I don’t understand why I have to sacrifice my day off work to help them with free childcare even tho she is off work on annual leave! Am I being u reasonable? I feel deflated! Hope that all makes sense.

hang on - you were providing FREE childcare and they're being all vague?

Never mind anything else, in the nicest possible way - if you DO continue with this arrangement, you would only do it for SIL surely? You were helping her out. If HE needs childcare on the day HE has his dd, it is up to him to arrange. he COULD ask you for a favour, but I'm not sure why you'd feel obligated to help him unless you consider him a friend?

But ultimately, what it comes down to is that you've been doing them a favour and they're taking the piss. So you tell them what you're willing to do, as a favour, and how it will work and that's it. if you like having her once a week and want to keep it up, fine. But then make it clear that you expect it to be on a set basis. Otherwise ditch it.

Sorry I should make it clear I text my SIL to see if I was still getting my Niece as no one has confirmed for this week (they seem to just be appearing or asking last minute) I saw on her Facebook that she has annual leave and thought I’d ask her in advance so I can get organized as I’m having workmen in to fix my boiler so need to know what my options are. I am friendly with both of them and wouldn’t want them struggling for childcare but I do feel like my free time isn’t as important as there’s. If either of them is off work I would have assumed they would care for their child instead of assuming I will do so. That’s where I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. It’s all so confusing. I don’t want to look like a bitch but I’m really fed up getting treated like a doormat

Thank you so much for all your replies I feel so much better knowing I’m no over reacting and being totally unreasonable. Thanks

Why are you providing free childcare?

Have you said no now OP? Just save yourself the hassle. Do you want help with drafting text? Always helps me on MN.

I just feel like I had the arrangement with both of them before they split up so both of them should be responsible for arranging childcare.
@Jod07 I agree.

I suggest you write to them both in the same email and tell them that this arrangement no longer works for you (keep it factual and short) and that from X date they will need to make their own arrangements for childcare.

I'm unsure I'd even mention emergency childcare at this time otherwise you risk immediately becoming their first port of call. That discussion can be had later, with you as one of the options - not the only one.

Once you've done that, tell your DH and let him know you are wanting him to wholeheartedly support your decision.

You've done a really kind thing OP, but don't let yourself be taken for granted any more.

Deep breath! 🌹

If its Dads contact day then Dad should be the one organising childcare if he is working.

Obviously doesn’t mean you should be expected to say yes.

You've had a bit of a name change fail on your last couple of posts OP. You might want to report them/have them deleted if anonymity is important to you

Have you changed names or am I confused?

It's a good time to bow out.

They’re taking you for granted OP. You’re so worried about seeing as a ‘bitch’ that you’re not seeing what they’re doing as wrong.

I would be texting them both, once you have decided what you want to do.

Let them know that you will be giving up childminding as it is no longer working for you (no other reason necessary) or if you do want to carry on, make it clear that it only continues if you have a text from them the night before asking you to confirm that your neice can come to you from X-Y o'clock.

OP they are both being total CFs.
I would bow out gracefully from the whole arrangement, you have been more than generous with your time and expertise.

Why on earth are you providing them with free childcare? One off as a favour, ok. But not regularly. Just start charging the going rate and it'll fix it.

Sorry, they're not paying you? Tell them to jog on!

What started as a favour to be grateful for, became an entitlement and a total piss take. And so disrespectful.

I would tell them "this doesn't work for me anymore".

They are being very cheeky , but you are allowing them to be.
Say to them both that the free childcare ends with immediate effect.
If they want to employ you as a pair nursery nurse then they will have to give you a month's hours in advance.
Don't listen to any complaints or snide remarks op.you have already done more than enough.
Stand strong.good luck