AIBU to ask for a kick up the backside?

[everythingisawesomee]

Please. Maybe in a gentle motivational way.

I am failing as a mum and a partner and to top it off becoming what I never wanted to become - my own mother.

I have zero motivation to do anything. DP is back at work now FT after lockdown and I WFH but only PT and in the evenings after DCs have gone to bed - self employed.

In the day I alternate between my phone / iPad and if I manage to tear myself away and try and get some housework done I then end up inevitably deciding I want a snack/coffee/tea first which I'll then sit down to have and get back on my phone. Or start doing something really simple like folding the laundry to abandon it halfway through to watch a stupid video. It will then end up moved from the bed to the floor or an empty washing basket to put away later at bedtime and mount up.

I let the house get into a state because I just leave things rather than tackling them straight away. I will clean the bathroom top to bottom, get it neat and sparkling to then not bother with top up cleans and end up with a dirty unpleasant bathroom for ages until I buckle up and spend another couple of hours scrubbing it again.

It's not fair on anyone. It's embarrassing, my toddler is so easy going there is literally no excuse for me to not keep on top of the house. I also should be spending quality time with him before he starts nursery rather than stare at my phone.
I keep telling myself that I need to make the most of this time, that I have a great work/life balance and a supportive DP and all I need to do is my bit and I would actually feel great about it. But for some reason I can't bring myself to do it.

I don't know what's wrong with me.
What do I do to combat this weird lack of motivation?
This is not who I want to be and not the type of mother or partner I want to be.

Firstly, stop being so hard on yourself. You’re not alone. And lacking motivation doesn’t make you a bad person. Or wanting to clean constantly, not a lot of us do!!

Secondly, watch “The Social Dilemma” on Netflix. Explains how they* have worked endlessly hard on ensuring we are on our phones as much as possible.

*they = Facebook, apple, google

It will make you want to throw your phone away.

Could you be depressed op do you think? Depression can affect you physically as well as mentally, your entire body can slow down to a halt. It might be worth doing an on-line test?

If not, would a routine help? If you are going to be on-line anyway, why not look at a cleaning video on You Tube for inspiration? Maybe adopt a cleaning system like TOMM or Flylady. A routine of tasks you do daily, weekly, twice weekly, monthly, bi-annually etc has the advantage that you can tick them off and then they are "done" for that week at least. Otherwise one task just merges in to the other endlessly. You could listen to a podcast while doing the floors, or cleaning the bathroom, which makes it more interesting.

A daily routine could consist of: airing house, making bed, emptying DW, prepping the dinner for the evening, putting laundry on and see one load through from wash to folding and putting away, 5 mins wiping down bathroom, wiping down kitchen surfaces.

Twice weekly tasks: hoovering and mopping floors, cleaning all loos and hand basins, washing towels, tidying.

Once weekly: dusting, cleaning out fridge, rubbish, house plants/garden, changing beds.

That sort of thing? At least you know the basics are covered then. And do them all as quickly as possible first thing so you get to have a more leisurely afternoon with your toddler. If you work in the evening, you are entitled to some down time during the day.

The other thing I would recommend is scheduling some time for yourself every week without fail when your dp is at home to do something just for yourself, otherwise you never get away from domesticity.

I am exactly the same op. I was thinking today about go ogling "why do I procrastinate" or "how to be more motivated" and see if I can find anything to watch or listen to to try and work out what's stopping me getting off my backside and just doing things. But I didn't do it.
I'll watch The Social Dilemma, that's the sort of thing I was looking for

You need a routine, as if you were going to an office or other place of work.
Assuming the rest of your household needs to get up and out in the morning, just tack yourself on to their schedule.
Up at 07:00, shower, dress, breakfast/coffee/whatever. Aim to be at your workspace at 08:30 latest for 4 hours before lunch. After that the time is your own.