To not offer alternatives

[jollybobs89]

DD is 2 and a half she's always been a very good eater however recently she's becoming more fussy she always eats whatever she gets given at nursery yet if I give the same she would refuse some things.

I've made salmon pasta today refused to eat it said it's 'disgusting' not even tried it! Yet if that was on at nursery she'd eat it! I eat with her for encouragement but would you make her something else?

Im of the opinion if she doesn't eat it I'm not making something else also do I cut back on snacks?

Or is this just a phase haha 😂

No, I wouldn't. She could have bread and butter, and fruit, but that's it.

And yes, it is quite possibly a phase. At around that age, my darling delight of a first born, who had eaten anything and everything, started refusing anything that was not a ham, cheese and marmite sandwich. Kids and bunnies (what we called our wonderful daycare), were very smug and confident that they could get her to eat something else - yeah, nah. She didn't strop or anything, she was just very firm that she wasn't going to eat the nice apple, pasta, chicken piece - whatever.

So for three solid months she ate ham, cheese and marmite sandwiches three times a day. Heh, heh. She did get sick of it, eventually. (Those three months damned near killed this first-time, terribly earnest, Mum).

Do not make an alternative! You would be making a rod for your own back for the future including any subsequent children who follow their older sister's example. Staying strong now will reap rewards in the future!

When mine have had fussy phases like this I offer a small thibg I know they will eat alongside the meal such as a plain rice cake.
It takes the focus away from being a battle of wills. Sure, for a while the on thing eaten was the rice cake but over time they would make an effort to try the meal with no fuss. Much less stressful!

I tend to make sure there’s something they will eat in the meal, and I have been known to do certain elements of the meal “two ways” (but in a way that’s easy!) so that I can guarantee everyone will eat it. I like things that they can put together at the table like tacos/ fajitas etc. But no I wouldn’t go and make something else.

I’d let her have fruit or yoghurt or something that’s as healthy as the main meal would have been for pudding as I don’t believe in not letting them have anything if they haven’t had the main meal. I’m usually quite glad to get some fruit down them anyway!

When I say two ways I mean - if I want to make spicy mash potatoes or something I might leave some without the spices. Or if something is meant to have sesame seeds on it I might leave them off part of the food etc

I would avoid the fruit and yoghurt alternative as they are sweet and so will be more appealing than savoury. I’d go for the rice cake option alongside each meal. No pudding, not in a punitive way - just in a we need to eat the food that helps our bodies grow well and pudding is an extra kind of way.

It can be a phase. It’s survival instinct to refuse ‘suspicious’ food. Can also be a boundary test. Generally if you eat the food happily and leave DC to it they will eat it. The more fuss the worse it gets often.

If you have a difficult relationship with food then it can help to overcome that as much as possible (easier said than done of course). Try and stay relaxed (hard when our kids aren’t eating but any stress in the atmosphere doesn’t help).

But, no. Alternatives are a slippery slope.

Good luck.

I'd make things less mixed up - i.e. salmon in a separate part of the plate to the pasta, separate to the veg. Then she can eat some without turning her nose up at the whole thing. I'd absolutely not offer bread. Bread is my weakness and it is quite hard to make a meal more appealing that pure carb heaven so you'd basically be offering a much tastier reward (potentially) if she has a bit of a tantrum about dinner. Same with some fruit. I would not offer any alternative at all tbh.

Yeah don't combine foods would be my tip. So give the pasta, veg and salmon separately on the plate and let her pick which bits she has.

Don't argue about it or fuss, just seem to ignore what she does and doesn't eat.

I gave all my meals exciting names. It worked a treat. I’d also sometimes sing very silly songs while spooning in the odd extra mouthful.

Tuna pasta was Captain Hook Special.

Bear in mind that sometimes nurseries will exaggerate about the amounts eaten.

I feel like this is totally normal. My 2.5 year old is exactly the same. I feel like she’s just pushing boundaries with us that she’s less comfortable about pushing at nursery (plus peer pressure of other children eating).

We do ‘it’s important to eat lots of different types of food, so can you have one bite of ...’. She eats a decent variety of food, including veg so I’m not too precious about it.

I don't offer alternatives other than fruit, cereal or toast. I also try not to give these during what should be meal time. I'll let them go off and play or take them for a bath and then offer them something else.

Don't like - dont eat it - no other options given

I never offer alternatives if I know she eats it in nursery or has previously eaten it with me. If it's something new, I will try introduce it at lunch time with other things and see how she gets on. If she doesnt eat her dinner when I know it's something she should eat, she just gets her cup of milk. I dont lose my rag or anything, I just say 'ok. If you dont want to eat it that's fine'

Kids use food as a power play. Showing they can demand multiple dinners in one evening is showing they have the power.

Thanks for all your replies. I've not been offering alternatives I just wanted to make sure I wasn't being tight haha

When I was a kid you ate what got put in front of you and sometimes if you didn't eat it if you said you was hungry later on my mum would warm it back up and give it you again 🤣🤣

I do tend to do it separate, she's good with fruit and veg ! chicken I can't really get her to eat unless it's in a stew or something Sunday dinners etc she'll inhale trying to get her to try something new got no chance! I do think sometimes nursery lie they say she eats salad if I ever give her anything salad like she will not eat it! Yet veg she'll eat all day long!

Kids hey they know how to push your buttons haha especially when she decides to launch it across the table!

I've got a 5 month old now and I've always cooked proper meals so now if I try and give her something like pizza or chicken dippers she won't eat them!!! Suppose it's not a bad thing

Just leave her to it, she will come around eventually. My son hasn’t eaten his tea tonight so he got given a banana. I wouldn’t give alternative meals but a piece of fruit is ok in my opinion. Maybe she just didn’t feel like salmon pasta, and that’s ok, sometimes I cook something then just don’t fancy it, but I’m not three so I just eat it!

I would offer a piece of toast or rice cake like an hour later so she doesnt go to bed hungry but its not seen as an alternative iyswim, definitely wouldn't make an alternative dinner. Sounds like shes a good eater overall so maybe more of a power thing

Yeah I get sometimes just not hungry or fancying what I've made etc. Just noticed she's getting more and more fussy but this she's testing me she'll say she doesn't want it and then ask for pudding or yoghurt and I'm like no chance!