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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Harassment from our neighbour

22 replies

kenaida · 15/09/2020 22:50

We moved into our new home earlier this year which is in a rural location at the end of a private lane. We have only one neighbour who is renting the adjoining property from the farmer who owns the surrounding land. He lives on his own and although he seemed warm at the beginning he was overly familiar and took liberties which we looked past (he was aware my car had problems starting so he just said he would have a look at it himself). However, things turned sour when we expressed a desire to have a bit of distance and over the past few months his warmth has turned to inoperativeness and now into outright hostility.

I have been in touch with the policy who have said it is a civil matter and we should approach a solicitor. I have, but it is escalating at a rate where I am in fear for my wife's safety. The bar for an injunction is understandably high, especially when he is a next door neighbour. From the little I have read so far the threshold for criminal harassment is relatively low. It seems the difficulty is in getting the police to agree that it is harassment and not a neighbourly dispute which would become a civil matter.

I'm desperate for help from anyone who knows how to get an advocate to help approach the police so that they can accept it is a criminal issue. If they could at least caution him, it could make a significant difference. My wife is in bits tonight, I am raging and we feel so powerless to do anything about it.

If my wife goes out for a walk on her own, he will notice this and wait behind his shed for her to come back. When she does, he will start striding directly toward her from side on.

His dog has scratched our 5 year old and is now terrified of his dog as a result. He knows this very well and will leave his house with the dog to get ahead of my wife and kids when they are going out for a stroll. Then he will sit on the verge of the narrow lane with his dog on a long lead causing my wife to have to lift him up until they pass.

One night when I took our bin down to the bottom of the lane, he waited for me to pass and then came out and reversed his car across the lane, waiting for me to return. When I came back, unable to get past, he demanded I wind down my window and blasted out various threats.

But what has my wife in bits tonight is that he recently decided to make a speed bump outside his house. Two weeks ago it was a mound on one side of the road, designed to destabilise the trailer I use to take the bin down the lane to the road. Last week it turned into a steep single speed bump, steep enough to cause the bottom of the car to scrape against it. Then he drew about 6 lines in the gravel up the lane, separated by a few feet apart. Today one of the lines became a second speed bump and clearly he intends to slowly build up the other 5. The problem is that my wife has arthritis in her hips following the birth of our first child and going over one speed bump is painful with ramifications for the rest of the day. Five or six will leave her housebound indefinitely as the only reason she could face the pain would be if the children were in trouble and she had to get them to hospital.

I would be deeply appreciative of any help/advice.

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 15/09/2020 22:53

Speak to the police and tell them you are feeling distressed and he is harassing you both. This is not a civil matter, it is a criminal one. The neighbourhood team might haul him in for a chat, see if you can explore that as an option.

ameliajoan · 15/09/2020 22:54

You’ve posted this before and got some great advice then.

pinkstripeycat · 15/09/2020 22:56

Speak to the farmer

Lollypop4 · 15/09/2020 22:58

Awful!
Record everything, write it down, use your mobile to video and photograph everything.
Take to the police when you have a good few days worth.
contact the dog warden regarding your childs injury from the dog
contact the landlord.

Alwaysinpain · 15/09/2020 23:00

Right call 101 and say you'd like to report Harassment. Don't give the full back story. They're just call handlers who you speak to - not officers. Just tell them what he's been doing ie: waiting behind she's for her then starting on her - that's full on stalking!

Do not mention any of the back story to call handler. That is what is making them think this is a civil matter. However this man is stalking your wife!

Alwaysinpain · 15/09/2020 23:03

*sheds

Also, please don't mention the speed bump! Not least until you've seen an Officer face to face and have already told them the rest of it. The police can't do anything about the speed bump and that is making the issue sound like a civil matter when in fact, it's not

Anordinarymum · 15/09/2020 23:05

@pinkstripeycat

Speak to the farmer
this
ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 15/09/2020 23:07

Why haven't you spoken to his landlord? Is your place owned or rented? If you have the same landlord you need to demand that they reinstate the road to what it was.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 15/09/2020 23:08

And if you own, same thing. He is damaging a lane owned by his landlord. Deal with them and report the man to the police. Get a dash cam to record him when he pulls in front of your car and get CCTV on your house and lane.

kenaida · 15/09/2020 23:15

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist

And if you own, same thing. He is damaging a lane owned by his landlord. Deal with them and report the man to the police. Get a dash cam to record him when he pulls in front of your car and get CCTV on your house and lane.
Thankfully he had been abusive before blocking the lane so I had started filming every time I went down with the bins. I caught the whole thing on video as well as everything he said. I tried to show it to the officer who called out to discuss the incident, but he didn't want to see it as it was all classed as a civil matter. Unbelievable!
OP posts:
kenaida · 15/09/2020 23:19

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist

Why haven't you spoken to his landlord? Is your place owned or rented? If you have the same landlord you need to demand that they reinstate the road to what it was.
We own our property and the situation with the farmer is tricky. Out neighbour has been a tenant for 35 years and helps out so the farmer has taken his side. What makes things more difficult is that the farmer has right of way over our land to get to his field. He has given consent to our neighbour to use that right of way and now he walks past our kitchen on a daily basis.
OP posts:
nancy75 · 15/09/2020 23:23

Can right of way be given like that?

Anordinarymum · 15/09/2020 23:23

I think you need to see a solicitor with regard to the farmer

Estrellente · 15/09/2020 23:25

Isn’t this about the third or fourth time you’ve posted this?
Did you try any of the advice you got before?

Moooms · 15/09/2020 23:34

For the distress this has caused and the safety of your family, would it not be better to move and be done with them?

Keepingthingsinteresting · 15/09/2020 23:45

Who does the lane belong to? Putting impediments on it without permission may give you a course of civil action - not what you want but you are going to have to make both the neighbour and farmer’s life difficult I fear.

Re the right of way that is for access to land, so he needs a reason to be there and he shouldn’t be hanging around, but again a civil matter.

Re the behaviour, diary, police and possibly the council and keep plugging away. I would be taking a long stout stick to ward it off (& I say that as a dog lover). Good luck OP.

Ruralreno · 16/09/2020 00:23

I live in a very similar set up on a private lane. Neighbours had been there 30 years when we bought, all nice initially and then a nightmare when we asserted basic rights over our own property. We have obtained legal advice and have been told it would be a nightmare and incredibly expensive to do anything legally, so won’t be if it can be helped.

We have put up cctv, signs about trespass and record everything, we also don’t engage anymore and have advised all contact should be written. Best thing we did was stop talking back/responding tbh - they have now backed off when they get no response. Sometimes I do think they’re plotting but we now have a lot of evidence which we don’t plan to use but could if needed.

Report every incident to the police and maybe get a formal looking letter from a solicitor warning about harassment and see if that helps before anything else.

Our lane is private also and as such the police/council won’t get involved with issues about the road (which there has been). Check with planning about the process for putting in speed bumps, most things need planning including gates over a meter and to be to building reg so may have some luck here. Who owns the lane?

Good luck!

CSIblonde · 16/09/2020 02:31

You need to grass him up to his Landlord re the speed bumps & lay it on thick. I'd mention damage to your wife's health & legal compensation etc . LL will get sick of your complaints & threat of legal action & give him a bollocking, or, notice. Re the strolls, why give him the satisfaction? If you are rural there'll be a path or beauty spot v nearby u can access . Put CC TV cams in obvious, v noticeable places. If he jumps on you putting the bin out, say nothing but film him on your mobile. He's enjoying the reaction. It's fuelling the dynamic he gets off on.

CSIblonde · 16/09/2020 02:34

Re the strolls I mean don't use the lane . Jump in the car & find a nearby path,copse,wood,field . I had a choice of 4 or 5 within a 5min drive when I lived rurally. Spoilt for choice.

snitzelvoncrumb · 16/09/2020 03:03

Is this the neighbour that calls himself the warden? You need to record everything, CCTV, dash cam, personal cams you wear. Everything you will catch him out and take legal action. Put up the fence, and don't go for walks near his property. Can you speak to police in a different area for advice?

jessstan2 · 16/09/2020 04:00

@kenaida

We moved into our new home earlier this year which is in a rural location at the end of a private lane. We have only one neighbour who is renting the adjoining property from the farmer who owns the surrounding land. He lives on his own and although he seemed warm at the beginning he was overly familiar and took liberties which we looked past (he was aware my car had problems starting so he just said he would have a look at it himself). However, things turned sour when we expressed a desire to have a bit of distance and over the past few months his warmth has turned to inoperativeness and now into outright hostility.

I have been in touch with the policy who have said it is a civil matter and we should approach a solicitor. I have, but it is escalating at a rate where I am in fear for my wife's safety. The bar for an injunction is understandably high, especially when he is a next door neighbour. From the little I have read so far the threshold for criminal harassment is relatively low. It seems the difficulty is in getting the police to agree that it is harassment and not a neighbourly dispute which would become a civil matter.

I'm desperate for help from anyone who knows how to get an advocate to help approach the police so that they can accept it is a criminal issue. If they could at least caution him, it could make a significant difference. My wife is in bits tonight, I am raging and we feel so powerless to do anything about it.

If my wife goes out for a walk on her own, he will notice this and wait behind his shed for her to come back. When she does, he will start striding directly toward her from side on.

His dog has scratched our 5 year old and is now terrified of his dog as a result. He knows this very well and will leave his house with the dog to get ahead of my wife and kids when they are going out for a stroll. Then he will sit on the verge of the narrow lane with his dog on a long lead causing my wife to have to lift him up until they pass.

One night when I took our bin down to the bottom of the lane, he waited for me to pass and then came out and reversed his car across the lane, waiting for me to return. When I came back, unable to get past, he demanded I wind down my window and blasted out various threats.

But what has my wife in bits tonight is that he recently decided to make a speed bump outside his house. Two weeks ago it was a mound on one side of the road, designed to destabilise the trailer I use to take the bin down the lane to the road. Last week it turned into a steep single speed bump, steep enough to cause the bottom of the car to scrape against it. Then he drew about 6 lines in the gravel up the lane, separated by a few feet apart. Today one of the lines became a second speed bump and clearly he intends to slowly build up the other 5. The problem is that my wife has arthritis in her hips following the birth of our first child and going over one speed bump is painful with ramifications for the rest of the day. Five or six will leave her housebound indefinitely as the only reason she could face the pain would be if the children were in trouble and she had to get them to hospital.

I would be deeply appreciative of any help/advice.

What liberties did the man take and in what way was he over familiar? When you let him know you wanted a bit of distance, how did you express that? I don't get why his landlord is backing him.

It just seems strange that a neighbour who was warm and friendly at the start, even to the point of helping to fix your car, has turned into the neighbour from Hell. Do you know anything about the previous occupants of your house and why they left?

There is a programme on TV about nightmare neighbours and your story sounds right out of that.

I do sympathise with you and your wife who must be petrified, you are doing the right thing to record it all and I hope you do get some constructive help. However, short of hm leaving his home and moving miles away, which he will not do, if he has decided to have it in for you, he will continue regardless of any legal intervention - restraining order or whatever. If he went to prison he would eventually come out.

In your position, I'd try to move. It is sad to be driven out of your home but for peace and safety, it might be the best option.

Bl3ss3dm0m · 16/09/2020 04:37

Can you not flatten the speed bumps every time he builds one?
I don't think dogs scratch someone as a mode of attack - they have teeth for that, so presumably your son got scratched by the dog jumping up at him? Unless your son went to the dog, the neighbour should keep his dog under control when not on the bit of land he is renting, so keep recordings of that too.
If your wife has bad hips, she shouldn't be lifting up a 5 year old, except in an emergency, so until this man can be stopped, you both need to work out how not to get her in that sort of position.
I don't think that the farmer can extend his permission to cross your land, unless it is to a properly engaged employee of his, and only then if he needs to access your land to work on that other bit of the farmers property. So next time he passes your window follow him with your video recorder, and continue recording until he has left your land again - I understand that that will be time consuming, and tedious for you, and that you might have to take some time off work to do so.
Are you (not your wife) scared of this man when it is only you and him? If not, I think you need to start some retalitatary annoying behaviours if you don't get any further with official help.
Unfortunately, I don't think moving would be particularly easy at the moment, as you have to declare any ongoing disputes with neighbours.
The best result may be if you could all sit down with a mediator somewhere neutral, and discuss everyones grievances together, any chance of that?

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