Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

unannounced visiting

24 replies

EternalBeloved · 15/09/2020 19:19

my parents regularly (sometimes 4 nights a week) show up at my door unannounced. They don't ask or tell me they're coming, just show up and ring the bell. Always after 7pm. I have a toddler and an 8 year old who go to bed at 7 and 8pm, but when my parents show up im getting them ready for bed and my dad will throw them around and tickle them etc, leaving them too hyper for sleep. I called my mum at 3pm to ask her about some curtains she wanted from me, she wasn't home so I asked my brother to have her call me back when she could. 7pm comes around so I decide to call her to ask of she got my message to call back and she was in the car on the way to my house! I told her its not a good time and she was being passive aggressive and blaming her work for her late visits, but I know its her day off and so she didn't 'have to attempt a visit so late. She seems to think im being unreasonable not wanting them to show up unannounced at bed time. Thoughts please?

OP posts:

Sunny4876 · 15/09/2020 19:21

No,that would drive me potty too.No suggestions though sorry as I'm a walk over!

Alexandernevermind · 15/09/2020 19:21

Shut the curtains and disconnect the door bell at 6.45 each night. She'll get the message. It's so important for bedtime to be relaxed and calm.

stillfeelingmad · 15/09/2020 19:21

Ignore them, have the door locked and be upstairs doing bedtime between 7 and 8. 8 yo can play in bedroom or read etc while you settle toddled. Resolutely ignore it and if they bring it up look baffled and just say "but you know when I put the kkds to bed, I was probably doing bath time and didn't hear the door," pleasant smile and shrug and repeat until they don't bother

Ludo19 · 15/09/2020 19:24

I hate unannounced visits and I'd put a stop to this sharpish. I agree with all the replies, just say no.

CitizenFame · 15/09/2020 19:24

You presumably let them in unless you are saying your parents break into your home or have a spare key to your place. So stop letting them in.

SewingWarriorQueen76 · 15/09/2020 19:24

Don't answer the door to them.
They don't respect your boundaries and bet you have no time left for you after trying to resettle them.
My sister used to do this so once we left her banging the front door for 20 minutes, unanswered. You are not answerable to any one else and with bed time it's just not on.
Might be worth arranging a time to visit them so you are in control of when you leave.

Can't your partner have word if you can't?

yolio · 15/09/2020 19:35

I hate it, but I don't think the visitors realise how awful it is for those in the house. Idiots. Could anyone explain why people think it is fine to just rock up and see everyone no matter what the circumstances are day or night.

I suppose they mean well, but a text would be good beforehand.
Feck that.

Rarely happens now cos they know now lol.

StoneofDestiny · 15/09/2020 19:40

Tell them not to do it.
If they turn up, don't let them in.

Mindless and inconsiderate behaviour from anybody shouldn't be tolerated. Jeez - who needs to see their parents that often over the age of 18?

jb2941 · 15/09/2020 19:53

I used to have this problem with my mother in law. We had to have words. It upset her and we ended up falling out about it but she was turning up unannounced in the evenings.

One time Dd was already asleep. She demanded to come in... DS was nodding off too..

Complete nightmare!

Couldn't they come over slightly earlier if you don't mind that?

Gobbycop · 15/09/2020 19:58

Telling them to stop would be my first port of call.

MomToTwoBabas · 15/09/2020 20:01

I've had this with someone so I know how annoying it is. I just stopped answering the door in the end but they would just keep knocking....and knocking.... and knocking. I got fed up and answered the door in a rage and screamed at them that we had discussed not to cone round banging the door so late so wtf did they think they was doing. They don't do it now and when they do come in the day they knock quietly.

MomToTwoBabas · 15/09/2020 20:02

It wasnt my mum though I wouldn't scream at her, so not much help

FippertyGibbett · 15/09/2020 20:02

No. Tell them not to come round without phoning first. They won’t be getting in if they don’t ring.

seven201 · 15/09/2020 20:02

Why are you letting them in? Stop!

Nottherealslimshady · 15/09/2020 20:05

I could not cope with this. Wht docgou do when you answer the door, youd have to be thick to not see how pissed off I was from my face.

Nottherealslimshady · 15/09/2020 20:05

Jesus. What do you do

Mommabear20 · 15/09/2020 20:08

Jeez! I'd hate that if it wasn't bed time! Even worse at bed time!!! I'd be telling them no!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 15/09/2020 20:09

I loathe the whole ‘I just thought I’d pop in...’ routine. Why would you do it? It’s so easy to send a text asking if it would be convenient. The only reason I can think of not to do that is because you know you won’t like the answer; therefore you’ll just ‘pop in’ because you know most people are too polite to say no when you arrive.

BlueThistles · 15/09/2020 20:14

worst nightmare this 😳

Original poster

EternalBeloved · 15/09/2020 20:15

thank you for all the replies. The worst part is this is that we aren't close. They just think they're entitled to see the children because they are related. They do nothing for/with the children and so these random evening visits are the only grandparent time they have. 13 years they have been grandparents and they've never so much as taken one of their GC to the park. Bizarre imo.
I have told her this evening to stop showing up unannounced and she went in a mood and said she won't come round in the evenings any more despite it being the ONLY time she can (its not).

OP posts:

Suzi888 · 15/09/2020 20:17

“ I have told her this evening to stop showing up unannounced and she went in a mood and said she won't come round in the evenings....”

Good! She sounds rude and selfish!

ASandwichNamedKevin · 15/09/2020 20:23

Sounds like a result OP, stick to your guns!

SewingWarriorQueen76 · 16/09/2020 14:07

Beware she might start hijacking your weekends.

Nanny0gg · 16/09/2020 14:25

@EternalBeloved

thank you for all the replies. The worst part is this is that we aren't close. They just think they're entitled to see the children because they are related. They do nothing for/with the children and so these random evening visits are the only grandparent time they have. 13 years they have been grandparents and they've never so much as taken one of their GC to the park. Bizarre imo. I have told her this evening to stop showing up unannounced and she went in a mood and said she won't come round in the evenings any more despite it being the ONLY time she can (its not).

As they sound horrible, why do you care?

Tell them not to come. If they do, don't let them in. If you do answer the door, tell them to go away.

Then go LC.

I wouldn't dream of ignoring my children's wishes like that

Flip