To stop being "nice" even if it means I'm anti-social?

[Balaur]

I've been "nice" my whole life. People pleasing, the "considerate" friend etc etc. As I age (I'm 44) I'm less concerned with being nice and more concerned with not giving a fuck. It's a work in progress. However, hand in hand with this is a decline in friends haha! Not because I'm being horrible to people left right and centre but because I'm making less effort to chase after, people please etc so there's been a natural decline plus I've never been that social. But, as liberating as it is, to just care hugely LESS than I ever have about what people think of me, I don't want to die alone and be eaten by my cats. It really has been one of the very best things about ageing for me, genuinely. But is this the pay off?

Im the same age as you op and im going the same way. Always been kind and helpful but have realised its hardly ever reciprocated.

I'm in the same position as you OP. I don't call people all the time like I used to, except for a few close friends. It's exhausting people pleasing and being accommodating and being nice all the time. I think the quality of my friendships has improved as a result of my tactics.

How I make life decisions:

1. For example I’m invited to a party. I will never get those hours back so I’m actually giving someone a piece of my life story. Do I care enough / will regret not going? If I don’t go they probably won’t notice or even care anyway. Basically just do what makes you happy.

2. when you are 70 in a rocking chair what is going to be your life regrets? What are you going to wish you did?

I'm just approaching 40 and have relished how liberating it feels to say no!
I didn't think it would be so easy and always said yes to everything, even at work, asked to complete tedious tasks that no one else had the patience for but since giving birth to my youngest a year ago, a major home upheaval and lockdown I no longer worry about what others would think.
I don't make decisions on the spot as this is where my soft spot was, I'd say yes then regret it later. So now I always say I'll think about it and then give an honest answer. No excuses just the Mumsnet phrase of ' that doesn't work for me'
Thankyou lovely mumsnetters!

Sorry, I hit the wrong button on the vote! Yanbu.

I'm going to take the opposite view to many on this thread and say nurture your friendships, even when it's not immediately obvious that it's coming back your way.

Obviously don't surround yourself with piss takers or be a doormat but don't burn bridges unnecessarily and instead make things work for you.

I've gone all out on friendships recently and I've nurtured dozens of them. That way it doesn't matter to me if some might be less available at certain points in time - I have many others to chat with/ do things with. I don't take things personally ...I know people have plenty of other things going on in their lives and sometimes I am central to them and sometimes I am a bit part, just as they are to me, in the ebb and flow of circumstance ... That works perfectly well for me.

I'm always happy with how I navigate things and I call things out (gently usually!) if I'm unhappy and I'm also prepared to lose friendships if offence has been taken... because I've got dozens of others as well. (This has never actually happened but I am in a position where I can say freely what I feel because I have nurtured and supported so many, so that the loss of no single one of them would be absolutely devastating to me.)