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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

was this right to freak me out?

40 replies

Bellamybells · 15/09/2020 16:13

Nc as real outing.

When I was on maternity leave this guy I used to work with kept messaging me loads about my new baby. We'd always worked closey together, him being very aware that I was married and happily so.
I make that point because despite this He, he could be quite odd and intense. It's hard to explain how exactly, but sometimes it made me feel uncomfortable. I'm quite a shy person and never joined in with the office antics so he was one of the few that actually spoke to me!

When I went on maternity leave no one really seemed to care or bother, which was OK I guess. I used to get down about not having many work friends but had also got over this by now. I have lots of lovely other friends. He was one of the few who asked how I was though and I thought I should make an effort . He started messaging me again asking how I was. He'd said something about wanting to visit some day and I just pushed it off and said maybe when she is older I'll come into the office (this was all pre covid!) I really didn't want him coming to visit as I quite like keeping home and work separate. And tbh he just makes me uncomfortable. I made it pretty obvious I didn't want him to!

I then heard from him again a few weeks later. He said he had bought a present ages ago and really wanted to send it to us, so please could I give him my address. I had such a bad feeling about this but gave him my address anyway as it made sense. He then immediately said surprise surprise he was going to visit and deliver the present in person!! This completely freaked me out and I ended up saying sorry we were going on a mini holiday so I wasn't going to be around. I said when we came back we were looking at moving but we were staying with some family members so could he please send it to them and they would pass it on.

He didn't reply and I haven't heard from him since. He also never sent a present. This was back in Feb.

I can't explain how glad I was when I moved. Am I justified?!

OP posts:

Original poster

Bellamybells · 15/09/2020 19:17

@raddledoldmisanthropist

When I went on maternity leave no one really seemed to care or bother, which was OK I guess. I used to get down about not having many work friends but had also got over this by now....He was one of the few who asked how I was though

Don't you think it's weird he wanted to visit even when it was clear I didn't want him to?

It doesn't sound like you made that clear at all. You talked to him by message quite a bit and said you would like him to visit when your baby was older.

He also never sent a present. confused

But then you told him you'd pick it up from work. You also made enough excuses to put him off that it became clear you weren't interested in friendship and he stopped contacting you.

He might well have fancied you and been creepy (wouldn't be unusual) but I think that, given it sounds like you struggle socially and say you made an effort with him, it's very possible he's just trying to be friendly and include you.

@raddledoldmisanthropist sorry it doesn't seem clear.

I said I would see him when I visited work soon. He said he wanted to give it to me sooner and send it to me, so I gave him him address. Then he wanted to come and visit me. I said no (again) but that he could still send it. He didn't.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bellamybells · 15/09/2020 19:20

@Bluntness100

I’m also not sure why you’re posting this if it happened in February? You didn’t wish him to visit, he didn’t, it was months ago?

I've recently given in my resignation.l It's just all coming back. I didn't think it mattets too much when.

OP posts:

Suzi888 · 15/09/2020 19:37

@BellamybellsI think most offices have one of those characters! Where some behaviour is inappropriate, but they’ve been there so long it’s hard to say anything.

SuzieQQQ · 15/09/2020 19:40

Can’t believe some posters on here OP. You did the right thing. He sounds like a pushy creep. And sometimes it’s hard to say No because it’s all so awkward. He’s the weirdo. You did nothing wrong. Sorry you had that experience. It isn’t a nice feeling.

17CherryTreeLane · 15/09/2020 19:45

I worked with a man who did similar. Years later he told me he'd read that women can be insecure after having a baby, and he thought he'd be in with a chance. He was very young at the time, not that that's an excuse!

Bluntness100 · 15/09/2020 19:55

I've recently given in my resignation.l It's just all coming back. I didn't think it mattets too much when

To be honest it is quite unusual to be still focusing on something so minor six months later, especially when you won’t see him again.

If you didn’t wish to see him, you say no, so you did right. Case closed, move on.

Namechangearoo · 15/09/2020 20:18

To be honest it is quite unusual to be still focusing on something so minor six months later, especially when you won’t see him again.

This.

Original poster

Bellamybells · 15/09/2020 20:20

@Bluntness100

I've recently given in my resignation.l It's just all coming back. I didn't think it mattets too much when

To be honest it is quite unusual to be still focusing on something so minor six months later, especially when you won’t see him again.

If you didn’t wish to see him, you say no, so you did right. Case closed, move on.

I haven't been thinking about it for 6 months, I'm just thinking about things now as it's all come to a head with me speaking with work, it being a bit rubbish and me resigning. I just remembered it that's all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bellamybells · 15/09/2020 20:22

@Namechangearoo it's an Internet forum. I can't speak about this with anyone in rl, that's all. I really didn't realise I was supposed to never think of it again!

OP posts:

Namechangearoo · 15/09/2020 20:26

[quote Bellamybells]@Namechangearoo it's an Internet forum. I can't speak about this with anyone in rl, that's all. I really didn't realise I was supposed to never think of it again![/quote]
That was your question - AIBU to be freaked out my it. And there’s my answer: imo, yes.
I agree with Bluntness, you’re overthinking and it doesn’t matter.

Did you not actually want answers when you posted?

Maybe the guy was a creep. Maybe he was useless at picking up cues and you’re useless at being clear. Either way, you’re leaving the job and it was 6 months ago. Freaking out/wondering if YWBU to freak out at the time seems somewhat pointless.

murmuration · 15/09/2020 20:32

Someone acted a bit like this at work when I had my baby. I did have him over and got the present. Turned out he had been tasked by everyone at the office to bring a group present: flowers, card, blanket, and some food. Probably couldn’t have posted it! Or left at the office. Though had I put him off like you did I would have hoped he would have explained the perishable and group nature of the gift?

Original poster

Bellamybells · 15/09/2020 20:48

@Namechangearoo my question was whether I was being unreasonable to freak out at the time. I constantly question my behaviour at that workplace and I wonder if I was crazy or rude. But doesn't matter, clearly you find it weird to talk about! So you don't need to say anymore.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bellamybells · 15/09/2020 20:49

@murmuration

They'd already done that and I've spoken to a few of them since so I know it wasn't that :)

I've come to the conclusion my gut was right. Thanks all!

OP posts:

Namechangearoo · 15/09/2020 20:54

😂 I’ve never been dismissed from a thread before. Erm, thank you?!

islockdownoveryet · 15/09/2020 22:22

Yeah sorry I don't understand why you are worried that you were freaking out regarding something that happened months ago .
I'm not sure what advice you want or is it everyone to call him creepy? , which yes he is a bit but he took your hint and left you alone .
I'm sure he's moved on from it, I think you should too .

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