Can you fix my nanny share?

[wouldthatbeworse]

We’ve just started an after school nanny share for DS5 and another boy in his class 3 days a week. It’s only week 2 but it’s going horribly. I’m ashamed to say it but our DS, isn’t being very nice to the other boy. It’s not aggressive but more like not playing with him with occasional “I want you to go home” or “I don’t want you Playing with that”. I feel terrible for the other boy and I’m concerned that my carefully thought out after school childcare is going to fail before first half term. The nanny does her best. If I was at work I’d have no idea This was even happening but I’m not sure ignoring it is fair. We have of course talked to our son who says he’ll try harder. Any advice?

My DD struggled to play well after school, sometimes she chooses to do Lego in her room as she needs decompression time.

Some really good suggestions here OP. I just wanted to say, thank you for your honesty in this post! It takes a lot to admit your DC may be in the wrong (for what its worth it sounds a little of both), but I love it, so thank you

Agree with NameChange657, you sound very kind. No advice but I hope you can work it out.

@whywhywhy6

I agree with the suggestion to have certain, pre agreed toys set out in a common space that your son understands are to be shared with the other child, rather than allowing the other child free access to all your son’s things. Obviously it would be great if your son was embracing this arrangement but if someone came into my home and touched all my personal things I’d probably be a bit cranky too! It must be difficult for him.

Agreed

Allow him to put away some toys that will not be used during the nanny time. Not just toys he doesn’t have to share, he can’t use them either.

20 minutes of quiet time after school May also be a good idea. My dd always needed to eat and decompress at that age.

What has the nanny actually tried? She sounds a bit ineffective.

If she’s an actual nanny being paid a reasonable amount and not just a teenager picking up a bit of extra cash, I would expect her to be arranging activities together, playing games with them and taking them to the park and library, etc. so that it isn’t all about this boy being in your DS’s house playing with his toys the whole time.

Having out only toys he is happy to let the other boy play with is a good idea. Also maybe getting in a few things that are specially for the two of them for nanny share time and maybe having the other boy bring over a few of his toys too.

It’s difficult because it’s a necessary imposition on your DS but in a situation where he expects to be able to be more himself not on “good behaviour” like at school. I would say you need to treat them a bit like siblings - they don’t have to always be best pals, but they can’t be mean to each other.

Thanks again for the kind words and good advice. We had avoided trips after school as the park’s a bit of a walk For tired kids but will suggest it. Library still shut. My boy is quite temperamental so I’ve got no issue admitting who’s at fault but I also take responsibility as we’ve indulged his moods and (despite now having a little brother) he’s too used to his own way. But tomorrow is a new day and I’m feeling much more positive. Even if longer term it doesn’t work that may at least be in part down to an unrealistic arrangement rather than an awful child.

Ps we are happy with our nanny, but I will encourage her to set up more activities. It’s an awkward dynamic for her with us upstairs.