Dads rights

[Sammy2222000011118888]

Hi hoping ye could help me .
My friend has a baby with his ex girlfriend the child is now 3 and he has been in his life since day 1 , has his 3 days a week child stays over night.
The ex has now got nasty .
She believes the child has ADHD and wants to apply for full carers for him will this effect his access ?
Thanks guys

No parents have rights they have responsibilities. Only children have rights.

ADHD isn’t a reason in its self to prevent the children from maintaining the current level of contact. Is he telling you everything?

It sounds unlikely that a 3 year old would have diagnosable adhd - they have naturally short attention spans and periods of hyperactivity.
Does he have a medical diagnosis?

Even if so this shouldn't impact on parental contact - do they have a contact agreement?

By full carers do you mean Carers Allowance? Or do you mean she wants to apply to be his main carer in terms of his additional needs? Neither should affect access as 'main carer' in terms of additional needs just means the person doing the bulk of managing those needs. I'm classed as main carer for both of my sons in terms of their disabilities even though I live with DH/their dad., all it means is that I'm the main point of contact for DLA, appointments, EHC, etc.

Sorry, how is she "getting nasty" please?

I don't think they diagnose ADHD before 6?But she can't just apply for carers allowance just because she believes the child has ADHD ,the child would need to be getting at least middle rate Care from DLA ,and to get DLA there would need to be an awful lot of evidence from professionals qualified to assess wether the child has ADHD

Anecdotal random comment from stranger on the internet aside...

From a similar age, perhaps even a bit younger) my husband's sister in law claimed her son had autism. It was an axe to wield over brother in law. Fast forward 10 years and brother in law finally has enough, leaves and rightly of wrongly makes a lot of changes in his son's life. It's now nearly 10 years later again and while nephew still has some social difficulties all those extreme autistic traits have gone.

So why am I sharing that? Because former sister in law had (she grew up with autistic siblings) essentially created specific traits in her son, she then got increased benefits, didn't work, committed some pretty big frauds.

Now I don't know whether she put 2 and 2 together and genuinely believed it or what she was a calculated sociopath but my point is that it is incredibly difficult to claim such diagnoses in such young children and I would question the motives and background as to why she is doing it. Being charitable in my nephew's case perhaps normal toddler pickiness was genuinely mistaken for autism given sister in law's siblings, but that was reinforced for a decade. Once the parents split, nephew changed rapidly, from a decade of the same day repeated food wise to being adventurous in food choice without any specific rules like "don't let veg touch meat" took place over around 6 months.

I'm not trying to suggest that your friend's ex is doing this, but the age of the child is a definite red flag. :/

@AnnieOH1

Anecdotal random comment from stranger on the internet aside...

From a similar age, perhaps even a bit younger) my husband's sister in law claimed her son had autism. It was an axe to wield over brother in law. Fast forward 10 years and brother in law finally has enough, leaves and rightly of wrongly makes a lot of changes in his son's life. It's now nearly 10 years later again and while nephew still has some social difficulties all those extreme autistic traits have gone.

So why am I sharing that? Because former sister in law had (she grew up with autistic siblings) essentially created specific traits in her son, she then got increased benefits, didn't work, committed some pretty big frauds.

Now I don't know whether she put 2 and 2 together and genuinely believed it or what she was a calculated sociopath but my point is that it is incredibly difficult to claim such diagnoses in such young children and I would question the motives and background as to why she is doing it. Being charitable in my nephew's case perhaps normal toddler pickiness was genuinely mistaken for autism given sister in law's siblings, but that was reinforced for a decade. Once the parents split, nephew changed rapidly, from a decade of the same day repeated food wise to being adventurous in food choice without any specific rules like "don't let veg touch meat" took place over around 6 months.

I'm not trying to suggest that your friend's ex is doing this, but the age of the child is a definite red flag. :/

It could also have been that, growing up with autistic siblings, your sil recognised them early on. With autism, the earlier signs are recognised and the earlier you can get a diagnosis, the better the outcomes. It may be that she is an evil mastermind or mentally ill or just mistaken. It may also be that her quick thinking is the reason her son has ended up so well.

I assume she didn't tell you she "created" signs, so it could be that you have created your own version of events. That is just as likely as her potentially harming her son wiite significantly, just to piss off her ex tbh. Just looking at it from an outsider's perspective.

I also know two children whose mothers spotted that they had autism at around two years old. They both got diagnosed pretty soon after. One is at a special school and has come on leaps and bounds there, but it was an absolute battle getting a funded place. My dad is a doctor and he met her when they were seeking diagnosis and he privately said that he agreed with the parents. So no, early diagnosis is not a "red flag : /" .

Your friend needs to understand that it is the child that has the rights and the parent that has the responsibilities.

The child has the right to their parents actively in their life.

The parent has the responsibility to ensure they are in the child's life and are financially responsible for that child and are a good influence and not abusive or neglectful and that they co-parent in the best interests of their child.

@StarchyStanley

I also know two children whose mothers spotted that they had autism at around two years old. They both got diagnosed pretty soon after. One is at a special school and has come on leaps and bounds there, but it was an absolute battle getting a funded place. My dad is a doctor and he met her when they were seeking diagnosis and he privately said that he agreed with the parents. So no, early diagnosis is not a "red flag : /" .

Neither one of the couples is divorced btw, so no need for them to make up autism. Actuallu pretty appalled that anyone would be so fucking ignorant as to assume that and post it on MN.

Fwiw my son was diagnosed with autism at 2yr 10 months. We were having investigations from 18 months.

Couldn’t put it better than other posters have!

Your friend needs to understand that it is the child that has the rights and the parent that has the responsibilities.

The child has the right to their parents actively in their life.

The parent has the responsibility to ensure they are in the child's life and are financially responsible for that child and are a good influence and not abusive or neglectful and that they co-parent in the best interests of their child.

And also what the first poster said.

If you mean to claim carers allowance (which you can only claim with a certain rate of DLA) then no, it wouldn't affect his access as she would still be looking after the child the required 35 hours per week

Yes @StarchyStanley ,my son was diagnosed with autism and severe learning disabilities at three ,however it was after months of assessment,s not just because I thought he might have it ,but I think a child has to be older to be diagnosed with ADHD

@x2boys

Yes *@StarchyStanley* ,my son was diagnosed with autism and severe learning disabilities at three ,however it was after months of assessment,s not just because I thought he might have it ,but I think a child has to be older to be diagnosed with ADHD

I was responding to another poster, whose sil's child had what the sil thought was autism. The poster on here believes she made it up and thay early diagnosis is a "red flag : /".

@x2boys

Yes *@StarchyStanley* ,my son was diagnosed with autism and severe learning disabilities at three ,however it was after months of assessment,s not just because I thought he might have it ,but I think a child has to be older to be diagnosed with ADHD

Also, the allegedly dastardly sil of the pp I mentioned did get a diagnosis. It can't have been that she just decided either. Otherwise she wouldn't have been able to "commit some pretty big frauds", by claiming benefits. Anyone who has a child with ASD diagnosis or is close to a family with a child who does, knows how long it takes and what hoops need to be jumped through. That isn't to say that it never happens that someone fools the doctors. Why on earth you would do that to you child, I have no idea. But for someone with clearly no medical training, based on the intelligence if their post, to make the assumption that a mum has tricked and manipulated her child and his doctors into falsely diagnosing him with autism, instead of assuming that maybe she was right and that is why the outcome has been better, is utterly appalling. Surprised it was announced with such pride as well. I'd be embarrassed for the rest of my life if I ever made such a stupid assumption.

One of my children has ADHD (officially), a textbook case - I mean literally, starred in some training videos (for educational psychology students, I think). It is true that they don't diagnose children at this age. But it also was blatantly obvious at the age of 3 that he's different from other children and not neutotypical.

@AnnieOH1

Anecdotal random comment from stranger on the internet aside...

From a similar age, perhaps even a bit younger) my husband's sister in law claimed her son had autism. It was an axe to wield over brother in law. Fast forward 10 years and brother in law finally has enough, leaves and rightly of wrongly makes a lot of changes in his son's life. It's now nearly 10 years later again and while nephew still has some social difficulties all those extreme autistic traits have gone.

So why am I sharing that? Because former sister in law had (she grew up with autistic siblings) essentially created specific traits in her son, she then got increased benefits, didn't work, committed some pretty big frauds.

Now I don't know whether she put 2 and 2 together and genuinely believed it or what she was a calculated sociopath but my point is that it is incredibly difficult to claim such diagnoses in such young children and I would question the motives and background as to why she is doing it. Being charitable in my nephew's case perhaps normal toddler pickiness was genuinely mistaken for autism given sister in law's siblings, but that was reinforced for a decade. Once the parents split, nephew changed rapidly, from a decade of the same day repeated food wise to being adventurous in food choice without any specific rules like "don't let veg touch meat" took place over around 6 months.

I'm not trying to suggest that your friend's ex is doing this, but the age of the child is a definite red flag. :/

What a load of shite 😂 you can’t just get benefits for fake autism. You need a diagnosis and a paper trail. A doctor isn’t going to give a diagnosis without an assessment or just based on what a parent tells them. They assess the child. The kids severe autistic traits could appear to fade as they get older because some children adapt or mask or just get better at pretending to be none autistic.