Brought up by brain injured parent

[Pieinthesky11]

Just wondering if anyone here could share their experience and what has helped.them?

Are you able to be more specific? I have brain injuries but they don’t affect my ability to parent (or work, or pretty much anything else) so it probably depends on the scenario you have in mind or the information you are looking for.

It does rather depend on the extent of the injury and how that manifests itself in behaviour, emotion, ability, etc....

In my DCs case, the experience has been difficult and had/has to be closely managed.

My dad had a physical disability due to a brain injury (tb meningitis, then a stroke later) he just said “ask your mum” .

Didn’t affect his cognitive abilities though.

Why do you want to know this? Is it because you are 1..a child of a brain injured parent, 2...a brain inured parent, 3...doing a research project or 4....a journo?

I have a brain disorder of sorts... Have brought my son up alone since he was 5...

Thanks everyone..i'm an adult child of someone who had a brain injury that left them unable to do many things. Just wondered if there was someone like me out there XXX

Maybe if you shared more @Pieinthesky11 then people might be able to identify with your experiences.

In what way was your childhood different from others ?

Brain injury manifests differently for different people, but if it has affected your parents mood, behaviour and personality, then having that in the home is going to be quite difficult. I don't know what your parent was like, but my own experience is that it's very difficult to know what's them and what's their injury and so how much to excuse/reason over irrational behaviour.

Slightly different but my father in law had untreated mental health problems when my husband was growing up. He additionally suffered from occasional psychosis. More recently he has sustained a brain injury which has impacted his relationships. It's not easy

So you mean you lived as as a young carer OP? Hugs I know it's tough. My df had a non malignant brain tumour and the removal caused frontal lobe deficit that impacted his emotions and he was very agressive at home but able to work. Dm had a linear skull fracture as a child which meant that she too emotional regulation probs. It was hard for everyone x

Following with interest as DD17 had a “mild” brain injury aged 8 the effects of which have got worse as she’s got older, she as depression and anxiety, poor memory and concentration, can’t plan etc

@DishingOutDone I’ve got a DS like that. Mild head injury when he was 12. Almost adult now but in many ways not as able as his younger DB although still very clever.

Yes me. My mum had problems with executive function and lead us to being neglected. We didn’t really identify the problem as a brain injury until I was an adult though. Because it wasn’t physical and was well hidden by her bullshitting then it went unnoticed.

Have you had a look at the information that the brain injury chairty Headway provide? They talk a bit about parenting with a brain injury, which might give some insight into common challenges.

www.headway.org.uk/about-brain-injury/individuals/information-library/

Yep I was, my mum had a brain haemorrhage when I was 9 or 10. Her short term memory was (and still is) severely impaired and her personality I guess flattened so she doesn't really seem to feel emotions at any extreme so appears very chilled. Had its benefits as a teenager as I never got in trouble for anything! But also means that im left with the feeling of not really having a "parent". Love her dearly, but it essentially made me grow up early and become independent

You sound like a journalist.

Thanks all apart from the journalist comments XXX hope you're all doing well....it comes up as I parent XXX my mum also had a brain hemorrhage..

I find it's quite an isolating experience because I've only ever met one other person who has had a similar experience. Back then there was no support given to children. I know other people have had difficult childhoods for other reasons....just saying hello to all you other guys I a similar position, maybe it will cheer us up to know we're not alone XXX

Mum's brain injury was "catastrophic" it was a suprise that she lived and was not paralysed. I don't remember her before hand. My father became her carer. My childhood involved alot of neglect and rejection following that....for understandable reasons. I hope to overcome those consequences so I can be the best parent I can be for my two kids xxx

Do tell us more about your childhood @Pieinthesky11? What was it like for you?

You say it comes up as you parent - in what way ?

I’m sure you will have experiences that others can relate to.

Both my parents had brain injuries.

My dad in his youth was in a crash that put him in a coma and he had to learn to walk and talk again. He managed to do that and to have a family and work, but he was hard work to be around.

My mum had electric shock therapy as a new mum (they used to treat post natal depression this way) and it damaged her brain.

To look at my parents they look 'normal',
They are both high maintenance emotionally.
They cannot see perspective or regulate their emotions. Things are black and white. They blow things out of proportion. I spent my childhood being the peacemaker, the stabiliser - there was no stability in the home.
I was independent at a young age and had to survive. I was left to get on with it most of the time.
I was determined that the pain that has travelled through my family tree would stop with me. I am very proud that I have given my children a childhood that they don't have to recover from.

@BlusherBarb

Both my parents had brain injuries.

My dad in his youth was in a crash that put him in a coma and he had to learn to walk and talk again. He managed to do that and to have a family and work, but he was hard work to be around.

My mum had electric shock therapy as a new mum (they used to treat post natal depression this way) and it damaged her brain.

To look at my parents they look 'normal',
They are both high maintenance emotionally.
They cannot see perspective or regulate their emotions. Things are black and white. They blow things out of proportion. I spent my childhood being the peacemaker, the stabiliser - there was no stability in the home.
I was independent at a young age and had to survive. I was left to get on with it most of the time.
I was determined that the pain that has travelled through my family tree would stop with me. I am very proud that I have given my children a childhood that they don't have to recover from.

Brilliant! X

I mean well done, you've done brilliantly XXX and I'm sorry about the past XXX

@Pieinthesky11
Thank you. When I was typing it I realised that you can't condense the life story into a short forum post to accurately reflect what it was like.
For years I have struggled with issues stemming from my childhood- boundaries is a big one, and not putting my own needs first, but I've got better at that.
It's taken decades to realise that the problems of the world at large or of individual people are not my responsibility and not mine to fix.

I understand that...stuff around shame and just feeling better off alone but not really XXX such a long process.