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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate my job

20 replies

user982101 · 14/09/2020 18:40

I returned last week to my job after 8 months off sick. I loved my job before I was ill but have been nervous about returning. My colleagues have been horrible to me since my return telling me I don't know how lucky I was to be off sick during lockdown as their job was so stressful, mocking me for been off so long with the illness I had.
I thought that by this week they would be bored of it and stop but its still going on.

OP posts:

Pinkshrimp · 15/09/2020 19:17

That is awful! I’m so sorry you are having to deal with that. You need to report it to HR or, if there isn’t one, a manager. There is some advice here about raising bullying at work. I hope things improve soon. www.acas.org.uk/if-youre-treated-unfairly-at-work/being-bullied

CitizenFame · 15/09/2020 19:20

Well if you were off on the sick for 8 months and expected to be welcomed back with open arms, it’s pretty naive. Are they actually being nasty to you or are they actually being restrained and you are not liking it because you think they should be more grovelling?

BluebellsGreenbells · 15/09/2020 19:23

Well if you were off on the sick for 8 months and expected to be welcomed back with open arms, it’s pretty naive

What?

OP may have all sorts of illnesses! Anything from depression, broken Baines, breast cancer can result in long absences!

I doubt she was swinging the lead!

CuriousFluff · 15/09/2020 19:27

Bullying full stop. Report it to your manager and union rep.

Original poster

user982101 · 15/09/2020 19:48

@CitizenFame

I don't expect to be welcomed back with open arms but I don't expect them to be so vile to me either. No i don't expect them to be grovelling, I don't want people fussing me I just want to get on with my job.

OP posts:

WhoAmIWhoAreYou · 15/09/2020 19:51

sounds like its all tongue & cheek! I've worked all through lock down. One guy I know didn't, he came back & we all made silly comments. (He wasn't ill though) im sorry you've been ill. Maybe they don't know your situation fully.

Feminist10101 · 15/09/2020 19:54

sounds like its all tongue & cheek!

The phrase is “tongue in cheek”.

OP, as a HR person don’t go straight to HR. Your manager should be your first step.

nikkylou · 15/09/2020 20:33

We don't know exactly what they've been saying...or how they said it.

"Oooh lucky you being off all this time..." can come across in vastly different ways depending on how its said.

"God, it's been so stressful lately, not that you'd know"...probably a little more pointed and I can see how it could be upsetting, especially as you've not exactly been off on a jolly, but actually off sick.

I agree the first step is to speak to your manager. Not saying I think everyone is bullying me, but more of..."I appreciate I've been off for a while (and you don't have to apologise for that), and I was expecting maybe a bit of light ribbing / some comments but it's now been over a week, and these havent stopped. Can you have a word?"

throwingawaymyshot · 15/09/2020 20:35

as someone who has been off for 18 months (a year's sick leave then furlough), this is the kind of attitude that I'm dreading. I also had a grievance for disability discrimination and that was against my manager. HR didn't take it seriously either until I got my union involved. If your absence was disability related, it could be victimisation.

CathTurnbull · 15/09/2020 20:40

Urgh that’s horrible, I’d be looking for a new job

CitizenFame · 16/09/2020 04:43

But what are they saying to you that’s apparently so vile you’re unable to even do your work? If they are actually mocking you, report them, but I expect it’s a few comments like “do you remember how to do xx? It’s been a while hasn’t it” which you don’t like and see as an attack on you, because deep down you’re scared that you were off for so long and how it will look.

Elsewyre · 16/09/2020 04:59

@BluebellsGreenbells

Well if you were off on the sick for 8 months and expected to be welcomed back with open arms, it’s pretty naive

What?

OP may have all sorts of illnesses! Anything from depression, broken Baines, breast cancer can result in long absences!

I doubt she was swinging the lead!

From the ops comment of

"mocking me for been off so long with the illness I had."

Sounds like it's something most would consider minor?

user165423256322 · 16/09/2020 05:39

Sounds like it's something most would consider minor?

Given the high levels of ignorance among the general public on many categories of illness, particularly ones with a history of prejudice, that isn't the justification you seem to be suggesting.

Gladgreengrass · 16/09/2020 05:44

Ignore the horrible assumptions on here op. AIBU isn't the best place to receive sympathetic advice sometimes. I'm sorry you have been ill.

It's hard to advise without knowing more details but I think I would try and ride it out for a bit longer, as a job you love is worth holding on to, but if nothing improves after a month, I would be having a word with your manager. In the meantime, record any of the worst comments and when they were said and by whom.

Porridgeoat · 16/09/2020 05:48

It’s fine for them to say it’s been stressful In Lockdown and it’s lucky you’ve avoided it.

How have they been mocking you? The reason you were off

ivfbeenbusy · 16/09/2020 05:54

Were you off with stress?

Original poster

user982101 · 16/09/2020 07:04

I was off sick to have an operation and I expected to be off for around 8 weeks, however there were complications and another illness was found so had to be treated for that.
The sort of comments they make are -
It was so stressful during lockdown but you wouldn’t understand you got to stay home and watch tv all day.
Joking that I must be the slowest healer ever as I was off for so long recovering
Laughing about how long it is taking me to do certain jobs

OP posts:

Porridgeoat · 16/09/2020 07:13

In their defence they would have been told nothing about your absence. So from their point of view they needed you and possibly thought you were taking the piss. I’ve worked through Covid and it has been a nightmare

Do you think it might be worth telling them that it wasn’t straight forward

CitizenFame · 16/09/2020 08:43

So they were potentially told you wouldn’t be at work for 2 months and it turned out to be quadruple that time and it coincided with a global pandemic which put on a lot of strain on companies and employers. And the comments they are making are “It was so stressful during lockdown but you wouldn’t understand you got to stay home and watch tv all day.” I mean, that’s hardly even a comment and don’t see how that is them being an example of being “vile” to you. I mean, report it if you want but I don’t know what you expect to be done about it. I think you need to get a bit of a backbone.

Snackasaurus · 16/09/2020 20:47

@user982101 Hopefully you're fully recovered I would try and laugh it off - almost humour them - about their comments. I can imagine it's difficult; you've had 8 months off, it's been an anxious time for everybody and so much can change in 8 months.

Please don't quit your job, especially if you love it. Hopefully it eases soon 😊

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