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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to help me with Christmas plans...

7 replies

hulahoopqueen · 14/09/2020 17:46

How would you arrange this??
Totally aware that AIBU to be thinking about Christmas this early Grin

This year DSS will be with us from 12pm Christmas Day, to 12pm on the 28th. This includes Christmas dinner. (He was meant to be with us all day last year but his mum's work shifts got changed, hence the half day (as a kid of divorced parents I hated half days, so I disagree with this, but whatever)).

Because we were meant to have him last year for dinner, I offered to do dinner for the ILs. This was actually really nice, apart from the downer of DSS not being there with us.

This year, my SIL wants to do dinner. I have massive food anxiety, and would feel seriously uncomfortable eating there. ILs are aware of the anxiety but there would be raised eyebrows if I didn't eat and enjoy the whole meal. She has been desperate to do this as her and her partner moved in together this year and they would love to host, which is totally fair.

MIL works in retail and cannot get Boxing Day off - otherwise I would suggest we do Christmas Day #2 at ours on Boxing Day and have all the ILs there then.

My mum absolutely loves Christmas, however because of last year's change of plans, we only went round late in the evening last year. This year she'd like us to be there for lunch and the afternoon, and would be overjoyed for DSS to be there too. She is very much of the opinion that we were with ILs last year so it is "her turn" this year. I'm inclined to agree, I really missed being with my family last year. Note - the journey to my mum's is an hour's round trip, so going for the morning only isn't really an option for us.

DH doesn't agree with me at all - he thinks that the most important thing is for DSS to spend the day with his blood relations (ILs), and we see my family either on Boxing Day or late in the evening again on Xmas day (not really workable as DSS goes to bed roughly 7pm).

My current thinking is:

Take DSS to SIL's 12-2.30 to open presents and have snacks. We see all DH's immediate family.
Decamp to my mum's to arrive for 3pm (this is when she serves dinner - hence DSS having snacks at SIL's. Stay till 6pm ish, then head home and put DSS to bed.

This way we spend roughly equal time with our families on Xmas day.

WIBU, me or DH?

OP posts:
speakout · 14/09/2020 17:49

How many people/households involved?

I think there will be covid restrictions.

hulahoopqueen · 14/09/2020 17:51

@speakout

How many people/households involved?

I think there will be covid restrictions.

Good question! At my mum's there is only her, my step dad and my sister, so no issues there.

At SIL's there would be MIL, SIL and partner, and BIL, so 7. Thank you! Embarrassingly, that hadn't occurred to me.

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 14/09/2020 17:53

Do you mind me asking what your food anxieties are? I’ve suffered for years with food anxieties- I hate eating food prepared by others ( apart from very close family)

hulahoopqueen · 14/09/2020 17:59

@OverTheRainbow88

Do you mind me asking what your food anxieties are? I’ve suffered for years with food anxieties- I hate eating food prepared by others ( apart from very close family)
I don't mind at all  I had very severe emetophobia (fear of vomiting) from the age of 13, which caused anorexia which lasted for about another 12 years, but which I've mostly got managed now. However, when it comes to poultry/white meat I'm very picky as for some reason it's "dangerous" in my mind 🙄🙈

I feel exactly the same as you, though - MIL has only recently been upgraded to my "safe" list of people, since I know she cooks meat for much longer than strictly necessary.

Hugs to you - it is a rough ride Thanks

OP posts:
AnnieOH1 · 14/09/2020 17:59

Sorry if this is my misunderstanding but is it right that your in laws are 30 minutes away and then your mom a further 30 minutes away from them? Or are they in different directions? I'm just confused by your suggested timings.

It does seem it may be a moot point with the rule of 6 though.

hulahoopqueen · 14/09/2020 18:00

@AnnieOH1

Sorry if this is my misunderstanding but is it right that your in laws are 30 minutes away and then your mom a further 30 minutes away from them? Or are they in different directions? I'm just confused by your suggested timings.

It does seem it may be a moot point with the rule of 6 though.

Sorry I haven't explained very clearly - me and DH live within about 5 mins of DSS' mum, as well as all of my IL's. It's only my mum (and stepdad and sister) that live 30 mins away. V good point re restrictions also
OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 14/09/2020 18:09

Thank you for sharing, glad it’s manageable now.

I got terrible food poisoning when I was younger and then my drink was spiked when I was about 17 and since then really struggle to eat food prepared with others... about 50 CBT hours later I can Eat at 2 restaurants (one family owned and cousin in the kitchen) my parents house and my sisters 😬

Hope you manage to get Xmas sorted, may be worth not making many plans until nearer the time and see what Bojo says then 🙄

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