To worry a bit about my DD (3.5yo) making friends?

[VeniceQueen2004]

I go back and forth on this so much. On the one hand I know children develop at different rates, have different preferences etc. I don't want to put my own anxieties/priorities onto her and make her anxious too. But...

my 3.5 yo is really bright, very verbal and has been since she was very small. She has always been a bit 'high-needs' from a baby, and I have tried to meet her needs where she is and also support her to be more independent.

She went through a phase about 2.5 of being incredibly shy of everyone (as in literally if anyone so much as smiled at her she would put her hands over her mouth and hide). Now at 3.5 she is incredibly confident and chatty with adults (nursery staff joke that she would talk to them all day if she could).

But she is still very very wary of other children. She almost never approaches them, and when they approach her (which is starting to happen more often, in playgrounds or whatall, kids her own age or a bit older making friendly overtures) she is often very shy and doesn't respond.

She seems to want to engage with them but wants me to 'help her' by talking for her or playing with them - which obviously then freaks out the other child so I don't do it very much, then the opportunity sort of withers.

She'll often dwell on this afterwards, talking about 'the little girl in the playground' or whetever and what she would have said/done. We replay and talk about what she might say/do if it happens again. But when the situation arises it's just the same thing again.

I worry she may be starting to want friends but doesn't know what to do or can't get over her shyness. She talks about another girl in her nursery and says she is her 'best friend', but I know they never play together and the little girl is actually fast friends with another child in the setting (their mums are pals so they spend a lot of time together outside nursery too).

I know next year she'll be in school and this stuff will start to matter. I wil obviously support her and try to make sure she has self esteem however many friends she has or doesn't have; but I don't want her to find this really hard :(

Any suggestions? AIBU to be worried?

Ahh she sounds very sweet OP ☺️

She’s still really little and I think she’ll develop her confidence as she goes on - my dd was also very shy at this age. Also, children of this age are are still mainly “side by side “ playing rather than having a lot of meaningful conversation 😄 Totally normal.

I found that this was the age when It was helpful to try and make “mum friends “ myself in order to facilitate play dates etc - I know this is difficult if you work however - I managed it with DC1 but dc2 was thrown to the wolves at nursery 😂

Thanks @TweeterandtheMonkeyman. I think she's lovely obviously :P and I'm relieved this is the worry I have rather than her waloping other kids or whatever.... but still i fret :P

I do have mum friends and we do get together with the kids sometimes... she just talks to the grown-ups! Getting her to play with the children takes serious scaffolding, and then the second they do something she isn't expecting she loses confidence and returns to me.

Like the other day we were with my friend and her son (who also attends her nursery so knows him well) and they both wanted to play tag... but bless him the little boy doesn't really understand how it goes so every time she's 'it' and meant to be chasing him he starts chasing her instead... she just gets baffled and retreats. And then I feel bad because it looks like she's shunning my mate's jid!