Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Does your preschooler have friends?

23 replies

ticktockticktocktick · 14/09/2020 11:24

My DC recently turned 4, for his birthday we had a lovely day out at a local farm/park with his cousins.
Got me thinking when planning his birthday that he doesn't have any friends to invite to a proper party. It seems most kids of his age have lots if little friends to invite to a party. I got really upset about this, but my husband told me I am being ridiculous.
We moved to this area 2 years ago and until last week my son has been at a childminder. He seemed to make pals at childminder but we never saw the kids outside of that setting as I don't know the parents and we always had different drop off times, so never really bumped into them. If we go back to my home town for a visit, he will happily play with the children of my friends, but I don't consider them his real friends as he only sees them a few times a year.

I haven't made any proper friends myself since moving here - made a few acquaintances by joining a couple of sports activities and work, but no real connections. It's a small town and everyone already has their group of mates from school/college etc. When I mention to my friends from my home town that I haven't made any friends here they are surprised and ask have I not made friends through my sons friends? So I feel like i'm a catch22 of both him and I being billy no mates and it makes me really sad. My son is very happy and sociable, so no worries there. Husband things he will make friends at school and i'm overreacting.

When and how did your kids first make friends (independent of your friends kids)? I hear a lot that once my son starts school i'll make mum friends, but i'm slightly sceptical being in this small town. Any advice/insight to please to cheer me up?

OP posts:

Fearicecream · 14/09/2020 11:28

Your DH is right. He will make friends in school.

formerbabe · 14/09/2020 11:31

Children that age don't make friends as such...they hang out with the kids of their parents friends

isupposeisuppose · 14/09/2020 11:35

My son is 6 and has had close friends since he started nursery at three. He hit it off massively with one boy on the boy’s first day and they’re in the same class now and still close.

That being said, all kids are different and he will make friends at school

user1493413286 · 14/09/2020 11:38

Me and DD have only recently started to make friends in an area we moved to 18 months ago. She was at a childminder and had a particular friend there (according to the childminder) so I asked her to pass my number on to the mum and we’ve met up, another mum at the nursery she now goes to did the same thing and I swapped numbers with another mum who I happened to see at pick up. I’m not naturally sociable so I’ve had to put myself out there a bit. I imagine it’ll be similar when your DS starts school. I’m prepared for the fact that these mum friends may not exactly be life long friends but it’s nice to have people to meet up with.

YouBringLightInToADarkPlace · 14/09/2020 11:41

My DS is nearly 3 and his little friends are just the kids of mine/ DH's mates... some from pre-DS, some from after (such as baby groups etc).

He likes kids at nursery but I don't get a chance to meet their parents so wouldn't invite them over or anything.

I'm lucky I have a wonderful NCT group who all get together at least once a month or more, so he has consistent friends too.

Saying all this, we've tried really hard to build these networks as he has no other family except us and my SIL (who has no kids) so it was a priority to build him a little network.

TheTrollFairy · 14/09/2020 11:47

My preschooler did, but she went to nursery and had invites to parties.
Your son will make friends at school, I wouldn’t stress it too much!

WorryWartOne · 14/09/2020 11:47

My 3yr old doesn’t have any proper friends either, we have play dates with my friends’ kids and very occasionally meet up with our old childminder on the weekend, as she has a DD a similar age to my DD and they used to spend the weekdays together. They’re not really ‘friends’ though, just playmates for the few hours we see them.

Kids that age don’t really have the required empathy or understanding of the world around them to create close bonds with peers. I didn’t have real friends until I was in school, I’m sure that’s true of 99% of people.

I am also moving away from my home town, so I’m hoping that some of the friends DD makes next year have cool, interesting, yet oddly friendless parents that I can get chatting to 😁 dreading the idea of standing alone jangling my keys at the school gates, or grinning creepily hopefully at other mum-types at the local Bums, Legs n Tums class 🤦‍♀️

Original poster

ticktockticktocktick · 14/09/2020 11:49

Thanks that is reassuring - if I still lived in my home town, it would be a non issue for both of us as there is about 15 kids aged between 1-7 amongst my friends kids

OP posts:

Kaktus · 14/09/2020 11:49

From about 3 mine had friends they made at pre school. Quite a few are still friends now (they’re 7 and 5).
2 year old hasn’t got any friends as he hasn’t been near any children his age since March. Toddler groups etc haven’t started back up here.

OverTheRainbow88 · 14/09/2020 11:52

He’ll make friends at school.

My son is 4 next week; he does have friends. When we are in the local park he’ll recognise kids from his pre school or nursery and say hi and play with them.

I also have always lived where we live as do most my school friends so we see them Regularly and they have kids similar age who he is friends with-
Some more than others.

Could he go to a preschool 2 mornings a week that the child minder drops
Him off at and picks up?

NameChange30 · 14/09/2020 11:52

DS is 3.5 so a bit younger than yours. He is very sociable and generally enjoys playing with other children, so the children we see regularly (because they're our friends' kids or because we see them at playgroups) he tends to refer to as his friends. He hasn't chosen them as such but he likes them which is the most important thing! There are children at groups and at preschool that he tends to gravitate towards and talk about more than others. So I suppose they are the friends that he chooses.

I wouldn't overthink it if I were you. It seems that main issue is that you've recently relocated so you haven't had time to build a network in the area yet. It does take a while.

And a day out with cousins sounds like a great birthday treat for a 4 year old

Original poster

ticktockticktocktick · 14/09/2020 11:53

So sounds like I may just need to be pro active now that he is at preschool trying to make contact with any parents of kids he seems to be friendly with? Tricky at the moment given social distancing and staggered pick ups. And as I said it's a small fairly cliquey town so difficult to infiltrate existing parent/friends groups.

I didn't do NCT as it wasn't right for me with my pregnancy history, so missed that friendship boat.

OP posts:

Stinkyjellycat · 14/09/2020 11:57

My D.C. is 3.5 and has loads of friends in nursery and has done for quite a while. I’m actually surprised (and a little bit scared) by how close some of the friendships are. However, it’s a completely different environment to a childminder as there are a lot more children so more opportunities for friendships. From what you say, it sounds like your son did make friends at the childminders, it’s just that you haven’t witnessed it.
Children make friends at their own pace, but some are also happy in their own company and that’s no bad thing. I’m sure he’ll make lots of friends when he starts school so try not to worry worry. And enjoy him while you can - once he starts school you’ll be relegated to the sidelines while he plays with his mates

Original poster

ticktockticktocktick · 14/09/2020 11:58

Sorry don't know how to reply to individual people, but some nice perspectives thanks.

Yes I am probably overthinking it and I don't actually remember any real friends I made in early primary school or before primary school, so probably doesn't matter too much ......i'm probably just projecting my sadness about my own lack of friends since moving here into him ☹️. He is very happy and content

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 14/09/2020 11:58

Oh I'm sorry, you say you moved 2 years ago, so I guess he would have been 2. I guess if you work full time it's tricky to facilitate him meeting children his age outside childcare (if you work part time or you're a SAHP you can take them to groups). I guess you could do an activity with him at the weekend and might meet people that way? Although probably not atm due to covid!

I get the sense from the post that you sound a bit unhappy where you are and would rather be living in your home town??

Stinkyjellycat · 14/09/2020 11:59

Just seen your last post. I also didn’t do baby groups or NCT so have felt a bit left out of things What I have come to realise is that most parents are socially awkward and are worried about asking other parents for a play date! However, I think most people are up for it, especially at times like this when they’re worried about their child having a lack of social interaction. Be proactive, and if somebody doesn’t say yes, don’t take it personally!

NameChange30 · 14/09/2020 12:00

Cross post!
Sorry you are struggling

Oysterbabe · 14/09/2020 12:05

My preschooler has friends from nursery who we meet quite regularly. However, there is no need to worry. They will make friends at school.

Original poster

ticktockticktocktick · 14/09/2020 12:15

For those whose preschoolers have made friends at nursery/preschool - how did you arrange to meet up outside of that setting (if you didn't already know the parents)? Is it through chatting to their parents at drop off? Birthday party invites?

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 14/09/2020 12:20

We got a couple of birthday party invites. Sadly didn't manage to attend as it was then lockdown and the parties got cancelled.

Houndabouttown · 14/09/2020 12:22

I have a similar problem! I moved about 18 months ago and my DS is 3.5. He has mentioned one other girl but she has gone to school now. Other than that he doesn't say much about preschool but the staff say he's fine - plays with others and friendly. I don't have a good network locally and it's the kind of place people have lived for generations. We haven't had any party invites

I was building up the courage to plan a party and ask the nursery staff to hand out invites but now Covid has hit I think parties will be on hold until next year.

Houndabouttown · 14/09/2020 12:23

meant to say I did invite someone round from nursery and we never got an invite back, which has also dented my confidence!

OverTheRainbow88 · 14/09/2020 12:33

Chatting to parents at drop off- which is easier now as we have to all stand around outside

Also we bumped into them a lot at the biggest local playground

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.