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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I move on and get back to being AMAZING

24 replies

EllieMcSmelly · 13/09/2020 22:41

A couple of years ago l, DH went through a very rough patch. It was a horrendous time and I feel like I have some sort of PTSD symptoms, it has affected me that much.

The past year or so, have been back to good family times but I still don't feel settled. I feel like I've lost my spark and I'm always anxious about our relationship and jealous of women who I relate back to that period of time.

My DH made the comment earlier that why can't I just be 'normal', why am I always doing strange things. I honestly don't know, I wish I could just move on and get my amazing-ness back. I just don't know how....Blush

How can I make a fresh start?

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 13/09/2020 22:44

With or without your husband?

Original poster
EllieMcSmelly · 13/09/2020 22:45

With.... Grin

OP posts:
Sanitisethat · 13/09/2020 22:46

Did the rough patch involve infidelity on his part? If so you may never regain the trust you had. That doesn’t mean you aren’t amazing. It means your husband is a deceitful prick who destroyed your faith in him.

Poppadumpony · 13/09/2020 22:47

I’m with @Sanitisethat

Original poster
EllieMcSmelly · 13/09/2020 22:47

No, it wasn't infidelity but because we were in such a bad way at the time, I was putting everything under a microscope.

OP posts:
porger80 · 13/09/2020 22:50

Couple therapy. It can be life changing

Anordinarymum · 13/09/2020 22:50

Why do I get the impression that you still are amazing ? Are you being criticised by someone ?

Poppadumpony · 13/09/2020 22:52

Yeah try couples counselling, or maybe individual counselling first if you feel you have specific anxieties?

I’m sure you are still amazing Flowers

Original poster
EllieMcSmelly · 13/09/2020 22:53

@Anordinarymum Not criticised. It's more the way I feel about myself. I'm not who I was before all this happened. I used to be happy, full of life and plans,with a DH who thought I was everything to him, and he was 'my rock'. Then that rock crumbled and I've completely lost my way.

OP posts:
Keratinsmooth · 13/09/2020 22:55

Therapy

Royalbloo · 13/09/2020 22:56

Listen Mrs. You can do all this on your own. Be selfish AF and only let people spend time with you if they make you feel better. It's awesome. Be a lone island...need no one. It's incredible.

Anordinarymum · 13/09/2020 22:56

Did you have an affair OP

Original poster
EllieMcSmelly · 13/09/2020 22:59

@Anordinarymum No, of course not. That would be inconceivable to me. No one had an affair.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 13/09/2020 23:01

Please explain the rough patch then, and why the rock crumbled.

Alexandernevermind · 13/09/2020 23:01

What struck me is the comment he made asking why can't you be normal. There is no such thing as normal - if there is it's overrated. Is he trying to get you to fit into a mould, and is this why you have lost your spark?

Mrsdoubtfireswig · 13/09/2020 23:02

Cbt might help ? It’s a good way of changing how you think and let’s you accept the past for what it is rather than dig into and over analyse it ?

It helped me move on from some quite painful things

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/09/2020 23:02

I think the issue here is you are speaking about someone who let you down and who is now asking you why you can’t be ‘normal’. It suggests you have a partner who has betrayed/deeply disappointed you/let you down at a crucial time, and you have perhaps been hurried along to forget about it and get over it but that’s not possible. And he wants you to play nice and behave as he wants you to.

He’s the problem. He’s blocking your amazingness.

Original poster
EllieMcSmelly · 13/09/2020 23:04

@mrsdoubtfireswig That's exactly it. I can't behave 'normally' because I'm so busy over analysing everything all day, every day. It is so exhausting.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 13/09/2020 23:11

I’m betting you’re not the problem, he is, but you don’t want to change the status quo and would rather twist yourself into being the ‘wrong’ one.

Anordinarymum · 13/09/2020 23:12

@AtrociousCircumstance

I’m betting you’re not the problem, he is, but you don’t want to change the status quo and would rather twist yourself into being the ‘wrong’ one.
Exactly this. Not only is he beating her up mentally but she is also doing it
Metothee · 13/09/2020 23:13

It really depends on what happened. I'm trying to imagine what my DH could do that would cause PTSD yet not be bad enough for me to leave him and I'm coming up blank. If it was THAT bad then you quite possibly will never be able to get back to "normal" while you're still with your husband.

Alexandernevermind · 13/09/2020 23:14

The term flogging a dead horse springs to mind. It was worth a try to see if you could make it work, but you are clearly unhappy. Have you seen a therapist, just so that you can clear your head a little?

Anordinarymum · 13/09/2020 23:16

OP please explain if you can exactly what has happened. The facts are sketchy

RoseTintedAtuin · 13/09/2020 23:35

Without knowing the details but taking on board your PTSD type description. I would suggest that trying to get back to the person you were is a fools errand, you can’t go back... but you can move forward and forge yourself into a different, stronger person who carries the pain but overcome the difficulties. Reinvent yourself OP, new clothes, haircut, try something you have never done which is a bit scary (hot air balloon or something) book a weekend away without kids glamping. Trying to be someone you have outgrown lessens who you are right now.

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