To get some outside help for my 12 yo daughter AIBU?

[TwinkleToesForever]

DD12 is becoming completely unbearable. Swears at us, lies, doesn’t do what she’s told is spiteful and has stolen money from my OH and I and my 10 yo DS. She is very aggressive to us most days. Started her period around a year ago and it’s definitely worse on her monthlies, Which we make allowances for. A lot of the bad behaviour is centred around her phone. We have tried everything, Ignoring her , supporting her, talking, not talking, taking phone away, limiting screen time, more family time, less family time, Space and time on her own etc. She was a very well behaved toddler and child, always worked hard at school ( still does and gets good grades) but for the last year she has changed into someone I just don’t recognise. Tonight we let her have an hour and half on her own in the house as she enjoys her independence, she was supposed to do homework and have a shower. Despite promising She didn’t do any of it and when I took her phone off her when we got home, to get her focused, she gave me an absolute tirade of abuse and aggression. DS is distraught. DH and I at wits end.. we think it’s time to seek help. This is literally ruining our lives. I need some advice from you wise people! Please help x

There must be something behind it why you're dd is acting like this you said she's on her phone , a lot of young girls today bully over social media is there any chance this could be happening to you're daughter she may be talking her aggression out on you and you're other half would you be able to sit her down and have a one to one chat to her (girl talk ) I'm 26 and the reason I say it could be social media is because a lot of young girls can be vile over social media.
Has she got a boyfriend ? What are her group of friends like ? I hope you sort this out xx

@Laursjayne - yes she started having some trouble at school recently, being bullied, which I think may have carried over to SM. I have spoken to her about this - tried to reassure her. She said she’s struggling to fit in. She does have a BF in the same year. I would happily delete all the apps. It’s just all so much pressure. You might be on to something there. She’s just so secretive and doesn’t want to talk to us. We do monitor her phone though and she has limits.

I'm going through very similar with my DD12. I have no idea what to do either. I have spoken to our GP who referred her to CAMHS, they have accepted her and we are waiting for her first appointment. I'm hoping being back at school will help too.

Try this You can buy it at boots/on amazon. It really helped me to balance my mood monthly and with my anxiety. Sometimes anxiety can present as ‘acting out’ towards the people they love and feel safe with. It’s worth a try.

I'd be super strict on the phone for at least a month or more. That means you follow her SM and read her messages and limit her phone time.

And at the same time, encourage anything positive that is not on the phone. Does she do sport or art or music or something?

I feel for you Mustard ☹️ I think that’s where we’ll end up too. Wishing you all the best of luck xx

Thanks for the recommendation Bumbley - I will try these!

We have a similar situation with our 12 year old. I've started her on a course to help with her anger management and her self esteem. We have reduced her screen.
Time more and after obligations like work and tidying. We have encouraged her to consider some new hobbies. It's not a magic wand, but she can see we are entirely serious in our concerns.

@D4rwin. Do you have info on the anger management course? We have reduced her screen time but it has become so much worse since. Apparently we have ‘taken away everything she enjoys’ We have very few ‘normal’ interactions with her. She consistently talks to us with complete hatred. I just don’t know what to do next. It’s like we’re almost scared of her! I always try to stay calm when she’s shouting, but it’s really getting me down.