Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU about ds first trip out alone?

24 replies

Howcanwehelp · 13/09/2020 11:51

My son is 11 and just started secondary. He's never been out with his mates alone, just play dates etc. He wants to go to the park with some mates, boy we know from primary and some girls.
We've said yes, it's a quiet area and he's got his phone on him. I'm anxious anyway and worried about him having his phoned stolen or getting into trouble.
Help me relax please, when I was his age I used to go off for hours with no phone or anything.

OP posts:

Original poster

Howcanwehelp · 13/09/2020 16:12

He's fine, I managed not to to stalk him! The other boy didn't turn up so it was him and three girls! Apparently they played on the swings :-)

OP posts:

Cocomarine · 13/09/2020 16:26

That sounds good! I have one the same age, and they do play on the equipment still! I only check findmyphone every 15 minutes now, was 3 🤣

Original poster

Howcanwehelp · 13/09/2020 16:57

Thanks for not making me feel bad, I had to ask my dh to drop him off so I wasn't tempted to stick around

OP posts:

Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 13/09/2020 22:50

We are raising a generation of developmental cripples. I despair.

Cocomarine · 14/09/2020 08:11

@Hollyhocksarenotmessy

We are raising a generation of developmental cripples. I despair.

@Hollyhocksarenotmessy based on a thread of two people, both of whom allowed their children to go out? OK 🙄

LagunaBubbles · 14/09/2020 08:20

Hollyhocksarenotmessybased on a thread of two people, both of whomallowedtheir children to go out?

Based on the amount of people you read about on here that are far too overprotective probably.

AngelicInnocent · 14/09/2020 08:21

Haha it doesn't get any better. I'm currently waiting for DD to wake up and message me so I know she is ok as she didn't message me before she went to bed last night.

She's 18 and just gone to uni!

Obviously, I'm happy she was too busy having a good time to message me but it still gives me a moments pause

Cocomarine · 14/09/2020 08:27

@LagunaBubbles

Hollyhocksarenotmessybased on a thread of two people, both of whomallowedtheir children to go out?

Based on the amount of people you read about on here that are far too overprotective probably.

If so, perhaps she could save her rude despairing comments for those threads then?

BlackeyedSusan · 14/09/2020 09:13

It gets easier with time. Mine went out in the communal gardens first, where there were plenty of neighbours to yell at him if he got into bother where I could not see.

It is normal to feel this way.

raspberryk · 14/09/2020 09:21

@AngelicInnocent is that a joke?

Porcupineinwaiting · 14/09/2020 09:22

Well done OP. It does get easier, I promise (been through this twice now).

And yes - normal to let him go and normal to worry about it.

corythatwas · 14/09/2020 09:25

AngelicInnocent I really think you need to dial back. She is an adult now, she needs to start thinking of herself as an adult, capable of living her own independent life. Knowing that her mum doesn't think of her that way won't help.

ZooKeeper19 · 14/09/2020 09:45

@AngelicInnocent I lived at home during Uni and always messaged my mum where I was and what time I'd be coming home.

When I moved countries I still call/text her daily to check. I'm 35 :)

Do not feel bad about wanting her to be safe. Also - I never felt "not adult enough" or anything like that. Just lucky that my mum cares.

AngelicInnocent · 14/09/2020 11:11

Just to clarify, this was mostly a joke. Of course I don't expect her to check in with me all the time.

She has only been there a week and it's the first time she hasn't messaged me when she's gone to bed and told me what she has been up to.

I'm pleased cos it means she is settling in and starting to get on with doing her own thing but yeah, it still gives me a moments pause to realise I'm now becoming surplus to requirements.

Writerandreader · 14/09/2020 11:35

So glad I went to Uni before mobile phones were invented.

Writerandreader · 14/09/2020 11:36

Op you have been supportive of your son but I do think it's true thst kids are not developing properly now. We shld all encourage them to go to park with friends before they head off to secondary..... I think by 9 for example it really helps their development to have time without adults. It would have been totally normal a generation ago.

formerbabe · 14/09/2020 11:40

Op, my ds is 12 and he's been going to the park with his friends for a year now...I know it's really scary letting them go alone.

One thing I've done is buy my ds shorts and tracksuit bottoms with zipped pockets. That way he can keep his phone on him and I don't have to worry about him leaving his phone on the grass or football pitch and losing it!

Don't panic if he doesn't answer your texts immediately...my ds is usually having too much fun to check his phone.

At first I'd drop him there and pick him up.

Talk through worst case scenarios...so what happens if you hurt yourself, your phone dies, your friend doesn't turn up etc.

I also have a tracking app on my ds phone so I can see where he is

corythatwas · 14/09/2020 12:35

AngelicInnocent you will never be surplus to requirements, they will just be a different kind of requirements. Remember when your dd couldn't eat without you, couldn't wipe her own bottom or put herself to bed. When she learned to do all those things and you let her have more and more independence, you didn't become surplus to requirement.

AngelicInnocent · 14/09/2020 14:25

@corythatwas thank you for that. I do realise it and was just trying to keep it lighthearted but I appreciate you taking the time to reassure me

Porcupineinwaiting · 14/09/2020 14:36

@WriterandreaderWrite Amen.

Yeahnahmum · 14/09/2020 15:09

Op and formerbabe are destined to become besties 😂. Poor kids. Especially if your mum makes you wear pants that went out of fashion 2 decades ago just so she can stalk you😅
Op come on. He is nearly a teenager. In the 80s we were all allowed to play for hours after school at much younger. And with no phones and tracking devices 😆

formerbabe · 14/09/2020 17:22

Nice comment @Yeahnahmum. My ds chooses stuff with me and prefers to have zipped pockets so he doesn't lose his stuff. His favourite Nike tracksuit bottoms which all his mates wear have zipped pockets. As for the tracking app, it's really useful when he needs picking up...he can also see where I am. I know it's not cool on here but I do like to know where my child is.

BlueSuffragette · 14/09/2020 17:50

Yes I know OP it is stressful the first time they go out alone. At least DS was local. One day he will want to go on the bus a bit further afield. You just have to judge the situation and set some sensible but not totally stifling rules for him. If he breaks the rules then you reign him back in a bit until he builds the trust up again. I found it hard when mine started to go out as late teens and again when they were in the first few weeks into uni. When they were no longer living at home I had no idea where they were or what they were doing. (I could guess!) You just have to feel content that you have tried your best to bring them up well and to let their independence flourish. The greatest adventures start with small steps... and all that.

Original poster

Howcanwehelp · 14/09/2020 19:26

Thanks, it turns out he's a nice boy that the girls want to be friends with. He's managed to break the cover on his phone by using it on the swing but that's a cheap lesson to learn. I think one issue is he can't walk to the park to see his friends because of a single track road and due to covid we're a bit behind in giving him some freedom.

OP posts:

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread