Toys

[Ostagazuzulum]

Can't work out how to do voting buttons...

Just looking for opinions to see whether I'm being out of order.

Couple of years ago we gave our neighbours a full collection of toys (think similar to sylvanian families). It was worth at least £600 and was in pristine condition. We should've sold it but they have a little girl and we were being nice. No monies were offered for it and we were ok with that.

In terms of money both families are very similar salaries (quite open about this) but they have a lot more disposable income.

I've recently found out they're selling it all in Facebook and are set to make several hundred from it. Whether I'm reasonable or not, I feel bit out out by this... should they have offered it back to us first, or offer us some of the money they get? Or is it a case of you gave it to them and they can sell it and keep it all. They're fully aware about how much it all cost.

Also we give them all our DD old clothing (also usually in very good condition as without sounding smug, she's very good at looking after her clothes and toys) and the mum once told me that she'd never had to buy her DD a coat or shoes as they've always had stuff given to them. I've no issue but I question why DH and I are working to pay for stuff for our DD with no help. I think I sound bit resentful. I don't want to feel like that. We offered a few things a few years ago and now it's the expectation that all our DD's stuff will go there (2 years older than there's). Berate me if AIBU (I probably just need to give my head a wobble)

I would feel miffed if I gave someone something and they sold it straight away, but you gave your neighbour this stuff TWO years ago. Her child has obviously played with it and taken good care of it so it’s really not your business what they do with it now. You are however well within your rights to start selling your DD’s castoffs rather than donating them to her.

Once you give something it’s no longer yours and you don’t get a say over what the recipient does with it. If you had wanted it back you should have stipulated that when you gave it to them. Now that they’ve had two years of use from it you don’t really have any right to be miffed that they’re choosing how they want to dispose of it.

It sounds like you’re a bit resentful of everything you’ve given them and don’t feel they’re appreciative enough - that may we’ll be true, maybe they are getting a bit entitled about it. Just remember that you don’t have to make a rod for your own back. Only give things away if you genuinely don’t want to keep or sell them and don’t care what someone else does with them. You’re your own worst enemy if you give things away and then feel annoyed at having done so.

I would be annoyed if I was you. It would be different if it was only a few pounds worth of toys, but for that much I would expect them to ask first.
I would mention it to them and say that if they don't want it anymore you would want it back to give to someone else or sell.

I think the others are right, a gift is a gift and you should only give if you feel comfy with whatever will be done with it. But I understand how you feel, maybe a bit piss taken out of, but it’s just your bad luck and their good, in a way, that they have someone with kids at the right age for hand me downs, and you don’t. I’ve received a lot of hand me downs but haven’t passed a lot on, as we are planning more kids, but when I am done I will pass more on. I’ve loaned baby things out and learned some things from that (things getting lost/broken etc) and now don’t lend unless I’m happy that I might not get it back. But after we’ve had our last then our neighbour or friend with closest in age will get a great haul and I look forward to doing that!

They are well within their rights to sell it and give you nothing as you gave it to them.
I would still feel miffed about it though and, if feeling petty, might ask for it back to gift it to a neice maybe.

Just stop giving them stuff and sell it yourself if it really bothers you. Personally I can't be doing with the hassle but once you decide to give it away then they can do what they like with it I'm afraid

I thought as much.

It's been sat in their outside shed for last two years as there's a lot of it, and only been out a handle of times if that. I think you're all right though I did give it to them so it's there's to do as they want.

I'd be less miffed if it was just. £10 toy. It's the thought they'll make so much money from it (as they're collector toys they keep their value pretty well) and I know the mum will come and tell me how much she's made from it. I'd be happier if they were to going to give it on to the next person, probably because that's what I would do. It's seems wrong to financially profit from a gift.

I'm not intending on saying something, I just wanted to see whether my thought process was reasonable.

I'm going to do my best to give the future clothes/ toys to a charity shop or sell them. It's just difficult when the expectation is I pass them their way. I think they might read into it too much, and think I was being off with them.

I once got a big toy for free from a local Facebook group and didn't feel right selling it on so I gave it away to the next person once my DC was done with it.

I don't think it's right necessarily but once you've given it away you can't really dictate what they do with it.

If you're feeling brave you could say "Oh I see your DC has grown out of it now - could I have it back to pass onto X?" but a) it'll probably cause bad blood and b) you can't really then sell it immediately either as she'll probably see it.

But in the meantime definitely stop giving them stuff. Take it to charity if you have to, at least you'll feel less resentful.

The extremely optimistic part of me hopes that when they sell it they might give your DD a voucher or gift with some of the proceeds?

But yes, agree with PPs that once you've given something away you can't dictate what happens to that gift.

I would start mixing it up a bit when you pass down clothes and toys - that way people don't get into expecting your stuff every time.

As a pp said If they took it off you and then sold it, I think you'd be within your rights to feel miffed, but you said you gave them this two years ago.
Once you pass something on, you do pass on any ownership of it.

Generally, I feel that it is 'right' to pass things on, when I can, for free, particularly as we were lucky enough to be given a lot of things for free over the years, but I have sold a couple of things at a car boot when I was having a big clear out a few years ago, and I suspect amongst them were some things we had been given. I don't keep a track of where things come from though. If someone wants to retain any 'ownership' then don't give it away. If - after a few years of use, anything I have is good enough to earn a few ££, then that is my right to do so.
I don't, very often at all - partly because it is too much faff and partly because I am a big believer in Freecycle and the whole idea of passing things you don't want to someone who can use them, but I don't have any qualms about making a decision about things I own.

Stop giving them stuff and just sell it yourself! Use the money for new stuff for your DD.