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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with this request from my generous step-sis

60 replies

Overeasylikesunday · 13/09/2020 02:42

My step-sister, who I'm very close with, asked me to watch her new puppy so she could go somewhere

I'm now up with the puppy in the early hours of the morning. Her outing was in no way required. It wasn't something urgent or unavoidable. It was quite a self-indulgent request on her part.

The 'catch' is that I'm recovering from a sports injury that left me hospitalised. Although I'm home and well on the road to recovery, it's causing me a ton of sleeping trouble so being up in the early hours dealing with the pup is rough.

I know without a shadow of a doubt she'd do the same for me though (I'd just never ask!!!) She does lots of me without being asked. We help each other out all the time. She's better at asking for favours than I am but she's also probably more helpful and thoughtful than I am. I'm not as proactively generous as she is but I also rarely ask her for anything.

I didn't agree to help her out to be a martyr. I agreed because she'd go to the ends of the earth for me, which made it really hard to say no.

I'm exhausted though. I work Sundays and I desperately need some sleep. When I agreed to help her out, I was starting to recover and I hadn't anticipated the sleeping trouble, but honestly I've got steam coming out of my ears with anger right now.

I'm trying to work out whether the right approach is just to smile and say 'no problem' or whether it's ok to be a bit irritated and to express this when I see her.

I never speak up for myself but I am really irritated. She knew I'd had a difficult time sleeping and been in pain and her plans could've easily been postponed until a later week so her selfishness is grating on me.

OP posts:
BrizNiz · 13/09/2020 06:54

I think it's nice that she asked you. She feels she can rely on you and you have a good relationship. That is what friendship is about. It's been a hard night but now you know not to look after the puppy again.
Also maybe you just need to ask her for favours more? I'm sure she'll be willing. I kinda wish some of my friends were more forthcoming with asking for help.

itchyfinger · 13/09/2020 07:07

Think you need to take responsibility for your own actions here. You could have said "I'm really sorry but I cant at the moment (give reason)".

Beautiful3 · 13/09/2020 07:16

If you're feeling well and a le to do a favour, say yes. If you're not well or already have plan speak up and say no. Learn to say "no, I cant, sorry!" A puppy is hard work. Think I would put a couple of towels on the bed and cuddle it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/09/2020 07:49

I would have taken the puppy to bed on a blanket. I have waterproof mattress protectors but never had a puppy wee in their sleep.

User3627290 · 13/09/2020 07:49

YABU. This is entirely on you for not saying no. She isn’t selfish for asking you for help, particularly when she is generous with her time in return.

Absolutely do not say anything when you see her, and just take more care in future to only agree to help out where you actually can / want to.

You do have my sympathy because you’re obviously tired and in pain, I just think you’re misdirecting those feelings. Hope you feel better soon Flowers

Aweebawbee · 13/09/2020 07:54

My SIL is very generous with favours that you don't ask for and don't want or need. She then asks for imposing and disruptive favours in return. It keeps everything on her terms.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 13/09/2020 08:02

Why are people saying not to take the puppy to bed with you? It'll fix the problem!

Dog experts actually recommend starting a puppy sleeping in your room with you and then gradually moving them out into their own bed / sleeping area. Much easier for you and less traumatic for them!

@TakeItSIeazy you're not dozing on the sofa with a baby are you? I'm 100% for co-sleeping but sofas aren't safe.

picklemewalnuts · 13/09/2020 08:18

Gosh, I'd love to look after someone's little puppy! They are small for such a short time.

pictish · 13/09/2020 08:39

I think you’re getting very overwrought about one night’s interrupted sleep to be honest, sports injury or not.
Calm down and get some perspective.

Dominicgoings · 13/09/2020 09:11

No is a complete sentence OP.
Puppies are BLOODY HARD WORK .

ClementineWoolysocks · 13/09/2020 09:20

How long are you looking after the puppy for?
I think being this angry with your sister is completely irrational, it's on you to say no to things you don't want to do.

unchienandalusia · 13/09/2020 09:23

How old is the puppy? It shouldn't be keeping you up at night !!

FredaFrogspawn · 13/09/2020 09:25

Just say to her something like my god that was a tough night. No idea it would be like that or how you do it! Never again dear sis!

And learn to say no. (I can preach but I’m crap at it. )

Lolwhat · 13/09/2020 10:14

You should of just taken the puppy up to bed with you, I hope you didn’t shut it away like pp were saying, pup would of just left it’s mum and siblings, shutting it in a room and leaving it to cry is cruel

RhodaDendron · 13/09/2020 10:30

Yabu but I understand! That’s some intense remorse you’re experiencing. When you give back the puppy maybe say, as lightheartedly as possible, that you’re not cut out for it!
And work a little bit on setting boundaries; it’s always ok to say no. Just because someone is super generous doesn’t mean you have to mirror their behaviour. Give what you can and no more.

Phoenix21 · 13/09/2020 10:40

I’m curious - those saying don’t take it to bed (which I would have done 😳), why not?

I’m not a dog owner and never would be but I just wondered why.

TakeItSIeazy · 13/09/2020 15:04

@FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18
No love, my first baby is now in double figures Grin and my other two in their own beds. I was just lazing downstairs away from it all and fantasising about having a cute puppy next to me! There was room for it on my couch - I assumed the OP was having to go to her lounge or kitchen and it would have been a solution for her.
I did co-sleep with all three babies but on a mattress on the floor and with DH in another room as he slept heavily and is a gentleman of the fuller figure. They do all sorts now - side cots, bolsters for the side of your bed, rails but I am old so did what tribes probably do - I sometimes think I got more sleep back then than I do now Wink

Original poster
Overeasylikesunday · 13/09/2020 15:31

Thanks all. It all seemed much better in the light of day. I was just feeling super sorry for myself in the early hours.

OP posts:
eatsleepread · 13/09/2020 16:23

How long was it for. If only one night then I think you're being a bit OTT.

Nottherealslimshady · 13/09/2020 16:31

I think YABU, you've just said she'd do anything for you. All shes asked you to do is watch a puppy for a night, I dont really see the issue, it's hardly a massive favour and it's not like you've just had major surgery from what you've said just an injury. And I dont understand why it's so hard, is it a particularly destructive pup?

doadeer · 13/09/2020 16:36

I don't think you should be mad at her she sounds really nice. You should have said I'm really not sleeping well and I'm shattered can I do this another time. She isn't a mind reader. And it sounds like a normal request from her, nothing too big.

Florencex · 13/09/2020 16:37

@Phoenix21

I’m curious - those saying don’t take it to bed (which I would have done 😳), why not?

I’m not a dog owner and never would be but I just wondered why.

Because it is not house trained, puppies don’t sleep through the night and puppies pee very frequently when young.
User43210 · 13/09/2020 20:42

I would have given the pup back with a lighthearted "I won't be able to do that again for a little while!" And just explained that the lack of sleep and the injury just made it a bit tough. But you'll, of course, help in the future when you're a bit more able. (Pup will be a bit older and more manageable, hopefully)

Suzi888 · 13/09/2020 21:06

Feel sorry for the dog.
Take puppy to bed. It’ll make her life hell when she gets back.... but so what? It’s a favour, not quite sure what you expected to do....
Never offer again Hmm

TheDuchessofMalfy · 13/09/2020 21:21

No helpful advice as I know nothing about puppies. Flowers for you though.

I agree you should be more ready to say no in future.

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