To think monotone voice could be dealbreaker?

[Otellmemore]

Just that. Have met a nice guy who is lovely but talks in a really flat monotone. I find myself getting a bit frustrated. And feel like it’s catching – I find myself talking the same way! I know anyone can have any dealbreaker or preference they want but is this someone that would bother other people?

YANBU - it would be a dealbreaker for me, doesn’t sound affectionate person... maybe he is not for you OP 🤔

God no YANBU. Imagine having to listen to it forever.

If it's annoying now, imagine how annoying it would be in 20 years.

There isn't any way around someone's voice, it's there constantly.

He’s very sweet and affectionate and a really lovely, easygoing, good natured guy. He has a great sense of humour. But just his delivery is often monotone and flat. I feel like my voice starts becoming similar and hey presto it’s a flat conversation and I sound flat too. Hard to explain maybe.

Is that a thing? Is a boring affect catching?!

If you find that it ruins the flow of conversation, then yes, I'd find that a dealbreaker. I like lively, animated conversation and that would depress me. It could just be nerves though. Maybe spend a little more time with him and see if he livens up a bit?

That’s a thoughtful observation, thanks @nevermorelenore. Yes, I think it can happen when someone’s ill at ease right.

I feel the same, slow conversation depresses me too!

Speaking in a monotone could be a sign that he's on the autistic spectrum. I think it's a shame to ditch a nice person for something that may be outside their control.

@HotPenguin I’m certain he’s not.

I think it's a shame to ditch a nice person for something that may be outside their control.

How attractive you find them, intelligence, temperament, interests??!?!

I’d have to disagree there....!

It would be a dealbreaker for me; but so would a grating accent. I'd be wincing every time he opened his mouth.

It is actually a thing- I can't remember the proper term for it, learnt it donkeys years ago in high school- but sometimes people start to almost imitate the person they're speaking with (whether slightly adopting the same accent, or using the same kinds of words, or a monotone manner, in this case) as a way of trying to put the other person at ease, make them feel comfortable with you and to like you more.

There is also the opposite- when people speak their own accent more strongly, or use local expressions that the other person may not understand, in order to emphasize a distance or dislike between them and the other person.

So you're not at all crazy for finding yourself imitating his monotone way of speaking.

Thanks @LittleRed53!

I wonder if it’s converging and diverging or something like that. It does make total sense :)

I know you tend to adopt a similar pace etc, to build a rapport.

It’s like it happens without me meaning too. And I can kind of deal with someone else’s voice. But it’s like I try to keep things lively then get drawn in and feel a bit horrified as I’m suddenly speaking in the same way and it’s both of us sort of droning. It’s like monotone quicksand

I once stopped dating someone over their High voice and their love of candlelit baths and me to you teddies.

@fmlfmlfmlfm

Aggghhhhhhhhgghghhhh