Every time I've seen my parents over the last few weeks I've had a migraine...

[wheresmybed]

Is this a normal reaction?

I've posted a few days ago about DF drinking and DM also drinking (albeit not as heavily) and enabling him - there's a very long and convoluted backstory.
I'm not very good at confrontation and only see them with my DCs every couple of weeks or so usually so can't find it in me to bring it up. Im not around them often enough to see much but DBro who lives with them says there's alcohol involved everyday and that they usually try to pull it together / make sure DF is sober / clean the house etc when I visit.

I visited this week as agreed, when we turned up they were both sober but having a small glass of beer/cider of some sort after work. DM then didn't have anything else but within an hour of me arriving DF was completely drunk. He didn't drink anything in front of us and I didn't see any other alcohol anywhere which leads me to believe he has bits stashed around the place and just drinks in secret.
The visit itself was uneventful apart from that. DM doesn't talk about it, DBro brought it up when he came home from work and asked if DF forgot we were coming in a bit of a standoffish way and she asked him not to talk about it to her and mumbled some vague excuse.

I can't help but think my DFs drinking is getting worse and it was almost surreal watching him and the way he looked yesterday.

Halfway home I was exhausted even though I didn't do anything taxing that day and a headache set in and didn't let up until the following afternoon, I remember last time I had this bad of a headache was when I did a small day out with them a few weeks back with DCs and came home looking like I had been out on the booze all day and exhausted beyond anything - more so than when I had sleepless nights with baby DCs - again even though we didn't do anything taxing and nothing eventful happened.

This seems to be a recurring pattern.
DP has suggested it's due to stress even though I don't actually feel that stressed seeing them, he thinks it's because I internalise it (not untrue) and maybe don't realise how much stress seeing them can bring me and the headaches are just a side effect.

AIBU to think he might be right? Is this a thing? Or am I just being dramatic?

Even the smallest amount of stress can trigger a headache, and you must be suffering some at least to feel the way you do and post about it. You know the situation is happening and you’re anxious about it when you see them so your body goes into panic mode. This happens to me whenever I see certain relatives.
Other possibilities could be their house in general? Carbon monoxide, lack of oxygen etc but I’m in agreement with your dp.

Absolutely. Look up mind/body connection and how feelings (especially suppressed ones) can manifest as pain in the form of back pain, neck pain, migraines etc.

I have been using an app called Curable which has some excellent free resources and I also follow Nicole Sachs who cured herself of chronic pain by journaling and meditation.
Sounds crazy, but it is a real thing and a lot of the strategies have worked for my back pain (that I'd had for 10+ years!)

My migraines, although many are hormonal, often follow a period of stress - not during the event itself, but afterwards, or the next day.

It sounds as though these visits are, quite understandably, causing you a great deal of stress, to the point where it’s affecting you physically.

I think you need to do some clear thinking about how much time you want to spend with your parents from now on.

@wheresmybed it’s absolutely possible and in fact likely.

I’ve gone through a couple of very stressful periods in my life (bereavement coupled with shock and home issues) and each time I’ve thought I was coping but my body has reacted not long afterwards. One time I suddenly developed urticaria triggered by anything cold. It was odd and the GP said most likely stress. It never happened again. The latest time I had another allergy based reaction with burning hives/itching across my face.

Both physical strange allergy based episodes came shortly after a huge trauma I ‘thought’ I’d dealt with and when I didn’t ‘feel’ stressed.

The minds connection to the body works in mysterious ways.

I really relate to this. I find seeing my parents absolutely exhausting, and as a result I don’t see them often. Exactly the same in that nothing specific happens, but I find the situation very uncomfortable and stressful in a low level way. My DM gets drunk. They INSIST on eating out, but she drinks before the food arrives and either knocks over drinks (drenching the DC or DH) or starts up conversations that are not at suitable for a family gathering with primary aged kids. I’m pretty open but ‘I read an interesting article about the sexual abuse of all those young boys by Catholic priests’ is not a great opener with an eight year old.
Oh, and she also likes to fall out with whichever member of waiting staff is unfortunate enough to serve us.
Eating at home is better but the DC are treated as an inconvenient obstacle to the adult event of getting pissed and talking total shit.
Signing off now as that headache you speak of is making progress just thinking about it. Hearing everyone else wax lyrical about what a massive help their DMs are to them with their kids makes it a lot worse, but I’m resigned to the situation.

If they cause you so much stress then simply don’t see them.

Completely sympathise as mine are a chore to see and I only see them for the dc sake or wouldn’t bother.

And like a pp said it makes it worse hearing about fabulous parents and grandparents who are really helpful but it is what it is.

@Yesterdayforgotten other people get help from their parents in looking after their kids. I get help from my kids in looking after/putting up with my parents.
I’m looking to break the pattern and be a great grandparent (I had them myself so know where to start!)

@Ishihtzuknot I've seen them at different places day out/ their home / their new business premises so nothing to do with a gas leak or anything.

I think it must be in part to them I guess.
DF was going on about how they're embarking on this new venture for me and my DBro because they don't need for anything (they're barely into they're 50s so not as if they're making their final will or rolling in it). Also I don't need, particularly want or rely on/ expect anything from them.
DBro has also landed a good ft job, about to move into his own house and is planning on keeping it very LC.

I think I'm probably stuck in a bit of FOG.

100%. Migraines often set in after the stressful event, whatever it is. So people find that they’ll get through something stressful just fine and THEN the migraine hits. Your story of facing your father’s problematic drinking, maybe worse than you’ve ever seen it, and then the migraine hitting once you’ve left their house and are in a safe space to get sick (your own car, your own home) is fairly textbook. I’m very sorry you’re dealing with this.

It sounds like they’re also putting pressure on you, as if they’re doing you a favor with this new business when you don’t want anything from them, as you said, which is more stress. Sounds like a landmine of a conversation.

Then again with drunk people, every conversation can be a landmine. You may even find you have migraines after because you’re doing something like tensing your neck from stress the whole time you’re there.

@likeafishneedsabike exactly the pattern can always be broken and that is the most important thing. Me and dh will say we don’t have the lovely family dynamic with grandparents now but maybe one day we will be the good grandparents and have that (albeit a lot older!)

V possible. Are you also doing other things - is it your day off work? Are you getting up early to travel to them, spending a long time in the car, smelling your DM's perfume?

Could be a combination of lots of triggers. But definitely if you find it stressful going to see them definitely that.

I used to have a stressful work meeting once a week. I had a migraine every week on that day for months. Even worse, I chaired the meeting so it was really noticeable when I wasn't there.

Your body is manifesting the stress you feel from the meeting. Try reading The Body Holds The Score? Sorry OP they sound dreadful

When the body says no: mind, body, stress, disease connection:

That was an extremely interesting watch, @WitchAgainstThePatriachy. It put a couple of close relatives' situations into perspective for me.

@AnnaMagnani it's only about 30mins drive if that and DM rarely wears perfume if it helps we usually see them in the afternoon or set off after we got up and ready for the day so never a mad rush or early starts.

I think it must be them. Also found out yesterday that on the day in question we visited around 4pm my DM was in bed until lunchtime recovering from a hangover. Which probably explains why she looked the way she did when we got there.
She gets angry and tells my DF off in secret when he's drunk in front of us but she never addresses it too much or in front of me I think because she isn't a saint in that department either.
She's just very good at pulling herself together and making sure she isn't under the influence when we visit. My DF is seemingly loosing that ability...

I'm getting more and more concerned with the whole situation and I think it doesn't hit me straight away, I kind of freeze when I'm there.

I am a chronic migraine sufferer, so speaking from experience. It sounds to me like your DH is right, the stress of those visits is impacting you and giving you a migraine. Migraines are hideous and I can well believe they knock you out for the best part of the day. It is tough but I think you need to listen to your body and not go.

Just as an aside is there a carbon monoxide monitor in the house?

That was my first thought @emptyshelvesagain

@emptyshelvesagain if you see my reply to a PP. I have had the migraines after seeing them in multiple places including a day out in open air.

In fact when I came back from the full day out I looked horrific with huge bags under my eyes and was more exhausted than I have ever been even more than after weeks of sleepless nights with baby DCs.