to ignore my friends/employees problems?

[pickledturnippizza]

I run a very small business and it made sense for me to employ a friend when a position came up recently since she needed a job, had the skills, and I can really trust her.

She's doing great at the job but I dread any calls because she does complain a lot about other aspects of her life, especially her family. We have to call a lot to discuss the business and its easy for me to separate the professional from the personal but not for her. She will always lead a professional conversation into a personal.

I never really noticed it before but now we spend a lot of time together (online) because she works on my business, I have noticed it a lot more. Every conversation turns negative at some point with me dishing out sympathy. As a compassionate person I do entertain it a little, going 'on no, your dad should not have made you load the dish washer when you didn't use any of the dishes' but I have got to a place where i'm exhausted and don't really care. I just don't really want to hear it every conversation, its a real drain. I have so much going on in my own life I am having a tough time but am keeping positive where I can, I want to put an end to this now. But I also want her to feel if something is really bad she can rely on me.

I love her professional work and want to keep her on for sure (providing this is solved), but want to subtly not entertain her personal life, switch back to professional on these work calls, and end the negative conversations sooner.

I fear if I was honest with her it would ruin our professional and personal relationship. She has anxiety and would really struggle with the truth.

Yesterday I received essays of conversations on an argument she had with her mum. I didn't reply then but I sent a message today saying' I hope you're feeling better today, sending hugs'. I know she will be upset but this lack of response, but is this an acceptable response? Another way to do this is not to give sympathy when she says things in person and talk practically, shift conversation, or end conversation. I know she is sensitive and will feel this is cold, but I can be subtle.

Any thoughts or ideas?

Following...I find these situations awkward too.

This is a tricky one. Maybe you could try to say something like, 'oh Debbie it sounds awful. Why don't we talk about it on Wednesday night over a couple of drinks/zoom/ Friday lunchtime, etc, I just want to get this work finished first then I'm all ears'

You need to be really firm when leading work related discussions, as pp said. Start with work stuff and when she tries to divert to the argument she had with her mum/moan about her DH/issue with the kids or whatever, let her talk for 30 seconds then firmly say something like “oh no, that’s a bit upsetting, but I’m sure you’ll sort it out. Now ... about this work for client A .... how’s that going? ....”

If you enable her by listening every time, she’ll just keep doing it.

How old is she?

thank you @MrsExpo she is very emotional and sensitive. So am I so I get it, I am just not a sharer. It is hard to get the right balance of drawing attention back to the business and not making her feel completely insignificant

@BlueDream she's a little younger than me in her early 20s and lives with her partner.

@Ohtherewearethen thats a really good suggestion. I think I may live to dread that Wednesday zoom meeting.

I would just be honest but kindly and say you think she’s amazing at her job. Then say something like because we’re friends I’m finding it really difficult when we’re on work calls to stick to work but we really need to try to otherwise we end up on the phone for ages and digress. I think this is something we’re both going to have to work on, saving work for work and home for home.

Never hire friends.

I did it once, never again.