To think you do care what other people think?

[PurdyFlower]

“I don’t care what anybody thinks about me!”

Wording could vary, but we’ve all heard someone say the above. It could be precluded by another statement or it could be a standalone exclamation. But AIBU to think that actually people generally DO care what others think?

Why?
We are innately social beings. We need social approval to function.

We care about the people closest to us. Our spouses, children, closest friends, etc. We do want them to think of us positively otherwise we destroy all our relationships.

If you really didn’t care, why would you say anything at all? What would be the point of jumping on a soapbox if we didn’t want some form of reaction?

So why do people say they don’t care what other people think? Do they ACTUALLY mean it or is it a bullshit statement to actually encourage other people’s opinions?

People say all sorts of things they like to believe to comfort themselves OP, they may believe they mean it, they may know they don't and are over compensating to avoid vulnerability. It's just part of human nature, I'm sure the rationale and the subconscious urge differs between individuals.

Depends on who is thinking it and what they are thinking really. I think we put different value on people so that we'd care if x thought something but be indifferent to what y person thought.

Completely depends on the context.

I had this conversation with MIL recently because I've given up wearing bras. I'm only a b cup so it's not a huge issue, but she was very much "but what if other people notice? What if people can see your nipples?". And I genuinely couldn't give a shit. I'm not walking around topless, I'm just not wearing a bra any more.

Generally I don't care what people think of my appearance. It's how I feel that matters to me.

Oh, also on the subject of tattoos this has come up. Negative comments from older family members about how my wedding dress (for next year) should cover them.

Again, couldn't give a crap what they think, or if they think people will judge me.

I care what people I like and or respect (doesn't have to be both) think about me. That's it. I don't care for opinions of others. They don't matter to me.

I don’t brag about not caring what people think, but most of the time I genuinely don’t. I might ask for an opinion from someone I value, but unsolicited opinions and advice are of no interest to me.

I suppose it is contextually - I don’t care what you think about X thing (tattoos, crocheting, etc) about me.

I suppose mine is more the general ‘I don’t care what you think of me [as a package].’

I absolutely don’t care about whether the general population hated my penchant for wearing oversized cardigans, for example (though I might be upset if every comment I ever had was negative), but I DO care what people think of me generally. How could I not? And if you don’t, how did you get to that level of indifference?

I don't care what other people think of me, but I've got HF autism, so that might be partly why.

I've been quite promiscuous and being in my 50's, that didn't go down well at the time. Im terms of appearance etc, I think it's a matter of confidence.

"We need social approval to function."

But surely it becomes about finding like minded people? If it wasn't then the race/gay/women's rights movements wouldn't be where they are.

It took a lot of courage by early victims of DV to come out and not care, likewise single mothers.

And if you don’t, how did you get to that level of indifference?

I realised that people are judgy bastards and no matter what you do you will be judged.
I am childfree by choice. There is no way my MH (and most people) would survive if I gave a fuck what people think. May have something to do with my incomplete life🤷🏻 who knows😁

If I like people I care. If I don't know them or dislike them I haven't got the energy to care any more (I used to when younger). I've too much to worry about already , that's exhausting enough without adding to the emotional burden. Why do it to yourself? Perk of getting older is learning that .

I care what I think of me.
Couldn't give a rats ass about anyone else.
I certainly don't need society's approval.

I actually don't care anymore, but never make a statement about it, but truthfully I could not give a damn and it is very very liberating.

I used to be a people pleaser once upon a time, and it made me miserable and resentful, and all kinds of fed up.

I wouldn't usually be hurtful, or unkind but if someone doesn't like my dress/house/cooking/attitude I see it is a matter for them. It is not my job to convince them to like me/approve. I shrug and say fine, you do you. I will do me. I now have lots of friends (or maybe we have aged) who are just the same. I am 46 by the way. I know myself, what I like, what I am good at, I suppose it is a confidence of sorts. It takes a lot to rock me off my perch, but I take constructive criticism well if it is well intended, but otherwise it largely gets ignored.

Why is anyone's opinion more important than your own?
Secondly why do you not have the confidence of your own convictions?

I'm not trying to be anything when I say I don't care but I really don't. I accept who I am and I think that there is no point having relationships with people if I'm being someone I'm not. I value myself enough to think I am enough. I get that people might not like me but I don't feel slighted by it. I love the people in my life and it's a great filter, the friends I have accept the real me from what I gather people like that they know where they are with me as I have a lot of really good relationships.

I've recently taken a huge step back from those who think negatively of me. My status in life isn't defined by where I work, my material assets or my standing in society. The people who care don't make you feel bad about who you are.

The only persons who's opinion of me matters... is me.

That sounds like a quote but it's not, I just thought of it as a way yo explain my thoughts on this. I know I am kind, good-hearted, aim to do good things with my life and to others.

As long as I can justify to myself that I have done best, I genuinely don't care what anyone else thinks of me.

The issues come with feelings of shame and guilt when I reflect and feel I haven't done my best. But these are internal feelings and are irrespective of what anyone else thinks.

Generally speaking, no, I don’t really give a fuck.
I care what I think about me, so I've got standards and stick to them:

• Rule #1 = not being a dick
• Rule #2 = doing pretty much whatever I want within the limits of Rule #1

... And if some random doesn’t approve, they can fuck right off (... in my experience, aside from a few overinvolved individuals, most people are way too busy living their own lives to pay that much attention to other people around them, anyway)

I only care what others think to the extent that some people's future actions may impact me (so I won't piss off my boss) or people I care about (so I won't piss off my kids teachers). But it's not really their opinion that matters, rather the power they hold over me or my loved ones.

The only people whose opinion really matters to me are those who share my life, like DH or DCs. I have no ill feelings towards people out of that circle, but their opinion of me really means nothing to me.

You "get to that level of indifference" when almost everyone has a pre decided idea about who you are, who they think you are supposed to be and how you're supposed to be, and most of it's negative and none of it matches up to you or your life.
You waste a bit of your life trying to change at least some peoples opinions, then you realize it isn't that their just ignorant, they want to think like that! That's when you stop caring about what they all think.

We need social approval to function. No we don't. Lots of us aren't approved of, some of us are actively disapproved of. We certainly don't need others social approval to function! We learn to see them just as those who can cause us trouble and to be avoided.

Yes and No.

I do heaps of things MNers disapprove of.
So I don't tell MNers what I do.
I care in the sense I don't want to get hassled, not in the sense I have any motivation to change my behaviour.

.... and tbh, having been bullied as a kid, I'm especially inclined to not think about what others' opinion of me is. That doesn't help my mental health. My default presumption, if I do try to think about your opinion, is that you already hate everything about me no matter what I do. And if I tried my very hardest to make you happy -- you'd still hate me just as much. I can never get your approval. That's what I learned from being a bullied kid.

So There is nothing to be gained by caring about your opinion.