Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSS going on holiday - should he still come here?

26 replies

Giraffe888 · 12/09/2020 16:42

DSS is going abroad next week for 1 week to a wedding with approx 50 people.

He's due to come to our house a few days after he returns and I feel really uneasy about him coming.

There will obviously be no social distancing with the people he's going away with and I'm worried that he's coming here straight after his return and potentially passing something on to me, DH and our baby.

I'm also concerned as our baby goes to grandparents for childcare so I don't want to put them at risk.

AIBU to suggest he skips coming that weekend?

OP posts:
Needbettername · 12/09/2020 16:43

Where is he going? Is there a quarentine?

zafferana · 12/09/2020 16:44

Where will he be going? I think if it's somewhere with lower Covid cases than here then YABU, but if it's somewhere that he should be quarantining on return then YANBU.

TheSeedsOfADream · 12/09/2020 16:46

As others have said, depends where he's going.

Original poster
Giraffe888 · 12/09/2020 16:46

He's going to cyprus

We're supposed to be limiting contact and social distancing but yet I know there'll be none of that within the 50 people going

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 12/09/2020 16:47

If the country he is visiting allows such gatherings then they must have low rates. I bet he is in a bigger bubble at school. Are you looking for excuses not to have him over?

JeanneFrench · 12/09/2020 16:49

What are the rules in Cyprus? In Spain for example wedding ceremonies are limited but receptions are permitted, where everyone wears a mask. Typically the local police comes to check up at least once (based on personal experience and what friends have said, also social media photos of wedding receptions with the police!)

Original poster
Giraffe888 · 12/09/2020 16:50

@SeasonFinale I knew someone would make some comment like that purely because he's DSS Hmm

Not looking for any excuses whatsoever. We have an extremely close relationship and I've been in his life for a long time. I love having him and miss him very much when he's not here!

However, I'm thinking of the safety & health of us and grandparents!

OP posts:
Malteserdiet · 12/09/2020 16:50

I thought you had to prove a negative test to enter Cyprus so surely that’s quite a good safety measure? A quick google shows that since the end of August, Cyprus has had less than 5 new cases per day so I’d say his chances of coming into contact with it is pretty limited.

JeanneFrench · 12/09/2020 16:51

I think that if your son has been on an aeroplane and in an airport he shouldn't be coming within 1 degree of separation from anyone elderly and vulnerable for at least 15 days.

Or he could get tested first if he is desperate to see you, OP?

MomToTwoBabas · 12/09/2020 16:51

I voted YANBU but to be fair he will be mixing with more people than that at school.

RealMermaid · 12/09/2020 16:51

Regardless of the country he's going to I'd definitely want him to skip the weekend. He'll be going through busy international airports and on other transport so I think it's reasonable to expect a quarantine period once he's back just in case, especially as you have a baby.

vanillandhoney · 12/09/2020 16:52

As long as Cyprus is on the quarantine list, then he should come and visit as normal.

vanillandhoney · 12/09/2020 16:52

@vanillandhoney

As long as Cyprus is on the quarantine list, then he should come and visit as normal.
*isn't. Sorry!
Original poster
Giraffe888 · 12/09/2020 16:53

@Malteserdiet that's good to know thank you!

@JeanneFrench if it had been anyone else there's no way we'd see them for 14 days. Even if he tested negative upon return he could still get it within the time frame

OP posts:
zafferana · 12/09/2020 16:54

One way round this OP would be for your DH to pay for him to be tested when he returns. Is he flying into Heathrow? If so, I think you can pay £100 to get a test there, plus another one to do in five days' time and if both are negative then he should be okay.

notimagain · 12/09/2020 17:01

I think that if your son has been on an aeroplane and in an airport he shouldn't be coming within 1 degree of separation from anyone elderly and vulnerable for at least 15 days

Hmm At the risk of being controversial Is it worth pointing out there's no such requirement for those in the UK still fortunate enough to have a job be working/flying on aircraft as crew or working at airports - It would be a disastrous for many families if that was the case.

As far as the OP's question goes I'd refer them to this:

www.gov.uk/guidance/coronavirus-covid-19-travel-corridors

rainylake · 12/09/2020 17:13

You can't enter Cyprus without showing a negative test dated 72 hours before travelling so it's very unlikely anyone on the plane or at the wedding will be spreading the virus. It's way safer than here.

Corono · 12/09/2020 17:37

@JeanneFrench are people on planes more likely to spread infection than people on trains or tubes?

Infullbloom · 12/09/2020 17:43

I'm also concerned as our baby goes to grandparents for childcare so I don't want to put them at risk.

You're already putting the at risk if you're going out to work then picking up your baby, unless of course both you and your DH work from home and are more or less self isolating.
I don't think he will be any more a risk after a holiday than he is being in school.

lljkk · 12/09/2020 17:49

It sounds like he's a young adult.
If he "skips that weekend" -- will he be around far fewer people in the following week? or 2 weeks? How do you know he's meeting the standard you want the rest of the time?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/09/2020 17:56

Presumably if you are using your parents as childcare you are both working, your DSS is at Primary school so exposed to many different families each day so is there really much added risk? He’s already having to adapt to his dad having a new baby without being banished for something he has no say in as a child.

If you thought it was that risky, once he returned to school you wouldn’t have been using your parents as childcare.

Ponoka7 · 12/09/2020 18:01

"Even if he tested negative upon return he could still get it within the time frame"

So is it or isn't it the holiday that you are concerned about? Limiting contact never applied to children. You can't suspend his relationship with his Dad to protect your childcare options.

notimagain · 12/09/2020 19:02

Is he flying into Heathrow? If so, I think you can pay £100 to get a test there, plus another one to do in five days' time and if both are negative then he should be okay.

AFAIK, and I'm very happy to be corrected etc, but the Heathrow Tests being done at T2 on arrival are still only a trial, it isn't an alternative to quarantine and at ATM a negative test at the 5 day point doesn't get you out of quarantine early..;anybody confirm or deny?

Last I read LHR management were still lobbying HMG for a decision on whether they could move past the trial stage or not...see the last couple of paragraphs of this article:

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/sep/11/airport-boss-says-heathrow-area-risks-becoming-1980s-mining-town

SeasonFinale · 13/09/2020 10:07

Well then Cyprus is fine.

The grandparents are already at more risk from you than the DSS so this is a non issue

GoldfishParade · 13/09/2020 10:15

Hes an adult, him visiting you isnt a necessity, skip it - what's the big deal?