To ask for an induction close to my due date?

[InductionQuestion]

I suspect I'm being very unreasonable. But I'm feeling overwhelmingly stressed.

I'm 33 weeks pregnant. I have 2 DC (8 and 10) from my previous marriage, and have shared custody with my ExH. Originally he said he would be able to be 'on call' for taking our DC if I went into labour whilst they were with me. However he lost his job over lockdown, and has been extremely lucky to find another similar role. Only thing is all his flexible working has disappeared, and he now works very unsociable hours, so won't be able to take them any more. It's fair enough, not his fault and he was very apologetic about it.

I have no other real family support. DP's parents live several hours away, my Dad is in very poor health and my Mum (not married to my Dad) is not massively willing to help (and is also a fair drive away, although doable).

Friends all have their own commitments, all have small children, work, school runs etc. One friend has said she would do her best to help me, but she's a single parent and works full time in a demanding job, and I can help thinking about all the what ifs?

Obviously DP could stay and look after them (hence why I'm being unreasonable), but then he misses the birth of his first and only child? I know he would hate this.

My previous births I went 42 weeks, then 41+1 (induction). My local hospital offer inductions at 41 weeks, so realistically I probably won't go into labour myself anyway. I've just had my anxiety increased massively because every single person seems to take great delight in telling me that because I'm older, and because it's my third, I'll likely go into labour sooner. It's stressing me out so much worrying about my two older DC.

I have guilt issues with them anyway, worrying about them feeling left out etc. which is probably the reason behind the extreme stress levels, but I just want to make sure they're ok and we have a plan that they'd be left with someone they love and are comfortable with.

I have an appointment with my midwife next week. Because of COVID I haven't actually met her yet, so I have no idea if she'd be sympathetic or not! But I was wondering if I would be unreasonable to request an induction between 39-40 weeks, so I could make a plan for my children. I know they'll probably say no, but I guess I'm wondering if it's worth asking anyway or am I being a bit of an asshole?

I’d ask, it’s reasonable in my opinion, especially if you are stressed. One thing I would say though, inductions can be slow so you might need the kids minded a bit longer depending on how it goes. I’d be stressed too though so I don’t blame you! Things have a habit of working out ok but it’s the stuff you can’t really control like when you might go into labour is a pain when you have to try arrange childcare! It’s a crappy time with the pandemic, it would be easier if you hadn’t that on top of things! And also I’d want my partner there too so you are not unreasonable at all! Ignore people predicting your labour, all births are different so they may as well be reading tea leaves anyway predicting it😂

Could your EX agree to take them and sort out childcare with any of his family if he is working at the time?

The only advice I would give is inductions can take several days. Especially if your body and baby aren't quite ready yet.
Surely ex is allowed leave for childcare if there are no other suitable options? Workplaces usually allow days off due to childcare issues as long as it's not a regular thing where they take the Mickey.

The only thing is, induction is a guaranteed or necessarily quick process anyway. You could be unavailable for far longer than you would be with a spontaneous birth (I was in for 7 days with mine and 5 of them were pre-birth).

Isn't 🤦

It’s not up to the midwife. They are allowed to book IOL for women who are post dates, usually 10-12 days. You’ll need the agreement of your consultant to book an early date and they may we’ll be reluctant as it’s for social reasons. (Not to say unimportant to you).

You tun the risk of a more medicalised labour and intervention including an increased risk of CS.

Do your DC have school friends who they could stay with at short notice? Or just ask you DM even if it’s not ideal.

Making concrete plans for labour is always difficult. Have a few back up plans and try to go with the flow.

I'm not sure they would agree but you can always ask.

Bit out of left field but would you consider or be suitable for a home birth, then the kids and your partner can all be home with you. They could be in another room if you didn't fancy a whole family experience and your partner could be checking on them.

My induction at 38+6 (for a medical reason) took 3 days, and due to Covid I was alone for them and couldn't leave my room. Not sure an induction would help your situation unless you're already overdue.

So sorry, I see your dilemma but finding someone other than your DP to be on standby sounds like the only option

I had an elective induction at 39 weeks (because it was the week before Christmas and I was concerned about being overdue and coverage on the ward over the public holidays) and I would absolutely do it again. I know that in many cases inductions can be slow, but I had my waters broken at 9am and baby was out by lunch, no drip and no complications.

I know this is not always the case but induction threads can tend to be negative so wanted to share my positive experience.

My relative recently had an induction at 39 weeks and baby was here less than 24 hours later. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask but they might say no! xx

It’s not about the midwife being sympathetic to your circumstances. Community midwives can’t refer women with low risk pregnancies for induction until 41 weeks, due to NICE and local trust policy.

For low risk pregnancies NICE guidance states that induction of labour is offered between 41 and 42 weeks. For high risk/consultant led pregnancies induction is usually offered from 38 weeks and the consultant generally agrees when it’s needed.

The only thing a community midwife could do is offer a stretch and sweep, but that is generally done at 41 weeks for women that have given birth before.

Also as you probably know, induction can take days to get you into labour, so even if you were induced it wouldn’t be guaranteed when you give birth.

Unfortunately lack of childcare isn’t a reasonable request.

If you are low risk have you considered a home birth?

To be honest having an early induction to avoid going into labour naturally when the latter is better for you and the baby is not sensible. You’re prioritising your children Over your baby and your health. There are several other options worth exploring- I’m sure your friend who works FT and is a single parent could manage her and your children as a one off if needed. Or could you ask your partners folks to travel down to you to help out and then they’re also getting to see the baby first too? I know you’ve said your mum isn’t ideal- but maybe that could be explored further?or failing that your ex should ask his new boss if he could take emergency leave to get his children when he needed to. It’s not going to be needed for more than 48 hours which shouldn’t really be an issue for His new job.

I’d be amazed if you were given an induction on these grounds

Consultants will only induce before term for specific reasons to do with either the health or mother or baby or both.
Otherwise you will be induced if you go past term +2 weeks I think it is

Definitely ask. At my request I’ve been induced with my youngest 3 at 39 weeks because there was no one to look after the older one(s). The nearest people lived over an hour away and because my first labour (and my next two) were under an hour the only option would’ve been for my partner to miss the birth.

The other option they discussed with me was homebirth, which may work for you. It wouldn’t for me as they could only guarantee a midwife would be there 1-4 hours after active labour started (ie after the birth! My shortest was 45 minutes from the first contraction.)

Thank you for all the replies, I'm taking all of your comments on board.

My previous induction was fairly straightforward, 12 hours to get started then another 11 hours of active labour. I know I need to not assume it would be the same again, and I also need to keep in mind that my partner wouldn't be allowed in until I was in active labour anyway (although not too much of a problem for me, at least he can look after the DC!).

My ExH wouldn't be prepared to take leave, I have a feeling that they fly pretty close to the wind with their finances, and he wouldn't want to rock the boat with his new employer especially as he was so worried about being unemployed.

I think I need to speak to my Mum again. She's just far more laid back and less maternal than me, but I trust her more than anyone with my DC, she wouldn't flap and she'd just get on with taking them to school etc, plus they think she's great I think if she really knew how I felt she might be more inclined to help. My friend is being lovely but I really worry she's in an awkward position if she has my kids and can't go to work (between us we have four children in four different schools, no way could she take them in).

I knew deep down any consultant would probably say no for these reasons. I'm a nurse myself and I'm aware of the importance of following NICE guidance.

I did consider a home birth but I'm afraid I'm a bit of a wimp! If something goes wrong I want the midwife just to be able to pull the buzzer and be surrounded by the team, not to be put in an ambulance. Although it would solve some issues.

Perhaps talk more to your midwife about a home birth, or ask to speak to someone from the home birth team.

For women having their second or subsequent baby, a planned home birth is as safe as having your baby in hospital or a midwife-led unit.

The Birthplace study found that 45 out of 100 women having their first baby were transferred to hospital, compared with only 12 out of 100 women having their second or subsequent baby.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/where-can-i-give-birth/

Birthplace study if you like stats..

www.npeu.ox.ac.uk/birthplace#the-cohort-study-key-findings

Your mum sounds like the best bet. Just talk to her. @InductionQuestion

I had a due date induction for DC2. It was an option offered to me by my fabulous obstetrician who understood that a combination of multiple pregnancy losses ruptured ectopic, a 5-yr-old and a DH who is a teacher (DC2 was due towards the end of a half-term) was making things feel more stressful and uncertain than necessary.

DC2 is 11 now and arrived on the final day of half-term, missing the due date by two hours. It was so good to be able to arrange childcare for DC1 around this, especially as they'd been very worried about me going into hospital and not returning immediately (as had happened when I had the ectopic) so knowing when I would be going in was a help.