Teenagers and the new UK restrictions

[FitbitMum]

DS18 has stayed with me most of lockdown, his dad lives 20 minutes away and before lockdown he would just pick and choose which house he wanted to be at and when. He drives himself and has been at his dads about once or twice a week but has stayed with me mainly because his girlfriend lives a bit closer to me and it's within walking distance from his work and the local pub.

Now the restrictions in the UK are getting tighter from Monday, I'm at a loss of what do to. DS has told me that he wants to stay with his dad for a while because his dad doesn't care about the restrictions and hasn't really been following the rules since March. DS knows that if he stays there, he'll be allowed his friends and girlfriend round and be able to go out to bars and pubs etc in groups of more than is allowed.

He said that if he stays with his dad 'for a while' I don't have to worry about what he's doing. He knows I've been sticking by the rules as best I can and would disapprove of him meeting large groups, which I know he has been and will continue to do, despite the rules.

DS can obviously stay wherever he wants but it's the reason that's causing me to be conflicted, because the thought of him living at his dads after mostly being here for the last 6 months for that reason is making me quite upset If it was because he misses his dad or fancied a change then it'd be different.

I just feel like I'm being too strict and if I was less strict then DS would stay here for most of the week. I'm just a rule follower and I don't know if it's time to let adults (which they are) make their own decisions and we just try to respect each other's.

What are parents of that age group doing now? Are you letting your kids go out and do their own thing? Or if they live under your roof are you making them stick to the rules you're following? If I got some opinions from parents of teenagers/young adults it would be greatly appreciated

I think that you're doing the right thing by sticking to the rules. I guess that at 18, they're taking their own risks and making their own decisions. He'll have to deal with any consequences if he gets caught, just like any time he breaks the law.

Everyone doing their own thing is why the rules have got stricter.

You are in the right. Your son is supposedly an adult but his behaviour is very entitled and selfish. If everyone behaves like him then Christmas will be screwed.

You are right, but as you said, your son is an adult. You can only enforce the rules in your own home, eg not having friends round etc. If he wants to meet a large group down the pub, that's on him if he gets caught.

It's a very tricky age group.

His father is being totally irresponsible but as pp have said he is an adult so responsible for his own actions.

I let my adult DC (18, 20) do what they want, I don't feel it is my business how many people they see or what they do when they go out. As a family we stick to the rules and I encourage them to do so. But I doubt they would care too much about the number 6, 7 or 20 if someone is having a party. They are both off to uni soon in other cities, so it would be ludicrous to try and control their movements when they are at home.