Aibu to think this about dd dad?

[Newmummy20181]

My ex and I don't get along however have a young dd, he was abusive, still abusing me now but using court and child contact to do this.

He is constantly saying he is just a loving father wanting to spend time with dd, which I've never stopped him from doing. A while ago he didn't turn up for contact but wanted to make up the time, I said fine have a weekday as dd gets tired the day after contact.. he moaned he couldn't do this as he works. Kept saying I breached the order, then dd was sick again I've offered a week day to make up the time, he hasn't even responded.

Is it unreasonable for me to think that he isn't in fact a caring father but a controlling arse who wants everything his own way?

Bump

Why would she be tired a day after contact was meant to be, even though he didn't see her that day?

@Notapheasantplucker sorry I did offer the day after, he said he wasn't available. So it meant that the next day he could do was the day after the next scheduled contact.

Ah I see, sorry
I think you've been more than fair with him, and surely he broke the contact rules by not turning up?
He sounds like a dick, yanbu.

I don’t think you’ve really provided enough detail to tell either way? Slight disagreements over which days, etc are not really the biggest deal in the world?

keep conversations about contact by text or email, then you'll have a record of them if he tries to claim that you're denying access.

Also seems unreasonable of him to expect an additional day just because he can't be arsed to turn up/have her when arranged.

So yes, controlling arse!

@12309845653ghydrvj, there is more. Accused me of spying on him because I was in a park with a friend and her children when he approached with our dd. A park he had told me the day before that he wouldn't be going to.. but I am spying . It would actually be funny if it hadn't left me so anxious.

Basically anything that goes wrong during contact it's my fault. Even while we were together, if something went wrong it was me if it went right it was we or he.

He’s trying to turn this into you and make you responsible for everything. I’d email and clearly state the days he gets contact and also if he chooses to not attend that it is nothing to do with you and that you are not going to be sorting out new times. His days are there, she is available and he can turn up or not.

Onto you not into. Stupid autocorrect

If he can't make his contact day then he has missed it. Not up to you to make it up atall. It was kind if you to try and assist him in the first place. If hes missed it that's his issue.

Well this is it, problem I have is him making out he is the perfect dad that just wants to be involved.. but I give him weekdays to see dd baring in mind he sees her every Saturday anyway but tells me he can't do midweek because he works, well fair enough but dd doesn't run on his schedule he can't just switch and choose what he wants to do then blames me because I said no to the sunday's (after offering the initial Sunday). Yet he tries to make out I'm stopping him from seeing dd, I had even set up bi weekly video calls, he dropped those.

It's just unless he is seeing dd when he wants and on his schedule he isn't happy, which his schedule is obviously Saturday and Sunday.. yet this week he has threatened going for full residency, again.

Do you have a CAO? If you've been to court then your only requirement is to make dd available at those times. It's up to him to take it or leave it. (It meaning the slots not dd)

I think you've been more than reasonable trying to rearrange days when dd's been ill with other days but perhaps it's time to stop being so nice because he's using your reasonableness as an opportunity to control. If he takes you to court over this keep his messages and explain that he won't compromise so you're following the CAO so there's no grey areas.

The threshold for NRP to be "great" is very low. People tell me my ex is "so involved" and he sees them 1 overnight per 14 days. He pays more than CMS and has never cancelled on the kids so in the eyes of society he is amazing. Let him tell you and the rest of the world how great he is. If he was he'd want to take dd's wishes into consideration

@chickenortheegg currently in court getting a cao, he has now threatened me with going for residency as I'm apparently setting him up to fail. Go figure, dd nappies leaks during contact it's because of me, he doesn't give her food it's my fault etc so many lies he is telling that I can disprove but I started this thread just to see if people thought ex really does care about seeing dd or if it's all just a game to get back at me.

In court it is likely he will get an every other weekend order and it is not usual for non resident parents to have a weekday order if they work weekdays and do not request 50/50 or a weekday in addition to eow so I think the offer that he could have her on a weekday when you know he works was actually you being disingenuous.

Did you not read I also offered the Sunday after the one day he cancelled @SeasonFinale?

To be fair your posts are a bit garbled. I am unsure why you are not letting him have overnight contact.

@SeasonFinale, so garbled you managed to assume I was being disingenuous . And he isn't having over nights because he doesn't want them, only when threatening me if I don't do as he wants.

I’ve read so many times on here that abusive men threaten to go for residency. Utter shite. The bloke can’t even feed her during his contact time. Make sure you’re noting this every time.

If you are asking for support on here, possibly not the best idea to then attack those who are trying to help. You’re very aggressive. You’re going to get a range of opinions on here, most are very supportive.

Yes - I was merely trying to give you an indication as to what is likely to happen at court but as both posts have been met with aggression I wish you the best but I'll not be back, having experienced similar situations as both a divorcee and as a solicitor.