To fall out with my DM over this?

[ABC123Girl]

DM is due to have major surgery next week and had to go for a coronavirus test. She was told to self isolate as she has been tested and mustn't leave her house.

Since then she's been shopping, visiting friends and out for a meal. I've told her that she's completely disrespecting the staff and contradicting herself for clapping every week because of her inability to listen to important instructions. I told her that not only is she putting herself at risk but she's putting the staff and other patients at risk too.

She has come back with some nasty personal comments about myself because I told her what I thought and haven't heard from her since.

Do I leave her to it and not contact her, do I need to apologise or was I right in what I said?

I haven't got anyone else to talk about this with so I would like to hear your opinions.

I've got a lot to think about with reporting her to the hospital, if she finds out it was me she will not speak to me again but at the same time I know how wrong it is what she is doing.
Take control of the situation and tell her you are going to report her in order to protect the lives of all those in hospital who will be involved in her treatment. Her surgery will be postponed and she will learn a hard lesson, albeit it a hard one.

She should be proud she has brought you up to do the right thing.
She should be ashamed of herself.

Tough love (and role reversal 😂).

Yeah, I would report too. We had to have DS girlfriend live with us for a couple of weeks as she couldn't stay off work and her mum and younger sibling had to isolate for 7 days before younger siblings op and 7 days after to recover from the anaesthetic before risking any contact.

inform the hospital - let them know that you'd prefer that they don't tell her that you are the source of the information.

So selfish, you are not wrong and have nothing to apologise for.

I'm due to go get surgery very soon, its causing a total headache for me as I'm a single parent with 5 dc at home from nursery to college ages.

I am still in the process of sorting out how I can completely self isolate, but I will absolutely be doing it, my lifestyle isn't worth putting other people lives at risk.

I would report to the hospital for sure. She doesn't care about the consequences of her actions, but you clearly do.

I would rather have my mother go nc with me than risk someones life.

I'm in a similar situation to your mum.
I haven't hugged my kids in 10 days. I've stayed 2m away from them at all times. It is fucking hideous.
But there is no way on this planet I would risk my surgery being cancelled or would risk taking covid into a hospital full of super vulnerable people.

Another one saying contact the hospital. She obviously can't be trusted to follow basic rules to assist the people who will be looking after her so she will have to deal with the consequences.

*I'd report her in a heartbeat.

I say that as someone whose own mother died quite suddenly and quite young btw.

My mum would forgive me for having a cross word with her or reporting her before she died, for something like this, but I'd never forgive myself if I let her go into a hospital, potentially spreading covid around, like some latter day typhoid Mary.*

I didn't mean that OP shouldn't have said those things or that she shouldn't report her mother either, even though that hadn't occurred to me at the time of my original post. There's no doubt that OP's mother has been incredibly selfish and disrespectful - to the hosptial staff, other patients and the the OP who she went on to insult. I still think you can tell someone you love them and be opposed to their actions, angry and do what you think is right in stopping them.

To be honest I’m not sure if it’s actually possible to “report” her. Unless your Mum has dementia and you have power of attorney, the hospital won’t engage with you directly in relation to any aspect of her health or her care I would not have thought. And even if it were legally OK (not sure that it is) I can’t imagine that consultants have the time or inclination to take pre-op calls from family members of patients who are fully compos mentis and conscious. And how are they to know that you are telling the truth?

You have 2 options-convince her to fess up herself or, if she has asked you to accompany her when she goes in for the op, and you hear her lie in response to the question “have you isolated for the last 14 days?” call her out then and there while you are both standing in front the hospital staff.

@CheetasOnFajitas
In my experience you cangive medical personnel information and they will be able to use it as they see fit.

Obviously she may be nervous about the surgery. It doesn't excuse her behaviour in potentially exposing the surgical team, plus any subsequent patients, to the virus. I'd inform the hospital so they can decide what to do. Tell them you need them not to disclose where the information came from - she could have been seen out by anyone.

I would tell them. I told the dvla when my mum continued driving after being diagnosed with dementia, so I know what it feels to do something difficult like this.

Yes selfish some people just won't do as they are told