Do I expect too much?

[Friendlyfires1]

i need oponions on whether im expecting too much from my partner.
We have a 5 month old son and my partner is working full time whilst i am on maternity leave.
my partner works shifts usually 6 days on with 2 off but sometimes he will get 3 days off.
He has explained that he needs one of these days off to be a day just for him, a day where he can lie in, play conputer games and completely relax, the other day he has agreed will be a day where he is happy to spend it with the both of us.
My argument is i havent had a day off for the past 5 months, it was my choice to breast feed so i understand that limits where he can help out but i am starting to feel completely snowed under.
i do the cleaning, cooking, washing, and the majority of childcare with the exception of bath time every few days and im just wondering when i will get my day to relax.
Everytime i mention it, it turns into an almighty row and im starting to wonder whether i actually am being unreasonable because of the reaction im getting from him.

He’s being completely ridiculous. When he’s home he should be pitching in equally, as you’re bf he should be taking on other house and baby jobs - he can do baths, taking the baby for walks, playing. What did he think having a baby would be like? A day off a week? He’s having a fucking chuckle. He’s being selfish and useless and you deserve much better.

If time to relax is so important why won't he return the favour and give you a whole day off once a week?

I dont think you're being unreasonable. Unless his 6 days on is an NHS worker with 12 hour shifts and overtime and he is physically and mentally shattered and he would be dangerous if he didn't get the downtime. Assume he has a normal job, I think its shit he expects 50pc of his time out of work to be by himself. What does he think will happen if you go back to work, if you have half the time off as well you would literally never have any family time. Why doesnt he want to spend much time with his 5 month old?

I think he cant have it both ways. Either looking after a baby is easy therefore it wont impinge on his relaxation time to pitch in when he isnt at work, or its hard and you need an equal break

I am so sorry you are being made to feel like the ridiculous one. What an arse he is!

Tell him you'll give him a day off a week once you've had a couple of days off first (or you're only on milk duty and that's all). He'll soon realise how hard it is on your own and never expect that from you again!

I think on his second day off you should have a lie in and he should take the lead on everything else so you can rest or go out for a while if you want to. It doesn’t seem fair for you to be working like this non stop for 5 months.
Do you have any childcare so you can have a break in the week? Maybe this is something you also need to think about.

He’s a selfish twat. When’s your day off? You’re currently working too in arguably a harder job as you get no time off and the shifts are 24/7. He needs to step up and be a better partner and support you. First up he should be doing half of the domestic tasks and taking the baby for at least a couple of two hour sessions each weekend so you can have some time to yourself.

He's being totally unreasonable and that's not the deal as a father. As you say you don't get days off, you don't get to come home from work at the end of a shift done, so he needs to step up. I think as soon as you are able to leave him in charge of baby for a full day and night, he might get it then.

Part of the deal of becoming a parent is the fact that while they’re very little you don’t get a day every week to play fucking computer games. What a bellend.

YANBU.

So when is the day “just for you”?

How these stupid fuckers get women to procreate with them is beyond me

Depends what his job is. I work 12 hour shifts on a hospital trauma unit. Looking after a small infant and cleaning the house was a piece of piss in comparison and I had three kids , including twins.

He works in a warehouse from 6am-4pm

Then I suggest he’s being a tad selfish with his time.

I’m assuming this was a surprise baby otherwise you’d have obviously discussed these things before getting pregnant and decided against the idea.