WIBU to quit my permanent job now?

[Alice84]

DP will lose his job by Christmas (his profession has been fucked by Covid). I work part-time in finance: permanent contract, pension, OK salary, but my bosses are toxic and I hate everything about it. I recently started a part-time PhD (funded) as well, which I love but am in danger of ballsing up, as between the job and family life I have very little time to study (2 young DC, 5yo with SEN, and now thanks to Covid, we’ve no childcare). I’m on my knees with stress trying to do it all, feel like a shit mum as I can’t give DC the attention they need and my MH is really suffering.

WIBU to quit my job under the current circumstances? I know I’d be so much happier concentrating on my degree and being around more for my DC, but it feels like a huge risk atm. DP thinks I should for my own sanity and says he’ll do any job he can find to support us (I have my stipend so would still have a bit of money coming in from my side) We have a few months’ worth of savings and the safety net of supportive family if things ever got really dire, so in normal times I probably wouldn’t think twice... but obviously things are very far from normal. Help! And please be kind, I am a flippin’ wreck atm

YANBU = take the risk
YABU = don’t be daft

I would, you won't get this opportunity again (funded PhD), if dp is willing to pick up the financial load just go for it. Could you also take on a less stressful part time role of needed?

Thanks boobs (great name!), I can probably pick up bits of proofreading etc so should be able to top up my income a bit. My gut feeling says go for it but I’m not a natural risk taker!

Do it OP, if you will definitely be OK financially (and plan for DP potentially not finding a job for a while).

Life is too short to be stuck in a miserable job being treated badly

I wouldn't. If your DH job is fucked anyway then let him leave now and do the childcare and housework. Frees you up to do both job and phD.

Think of it as short term pain until your PhD allows a better job for you in the future.

Ohhh hard one

I would give me focus to the kids and phd

So hard though

Well done on funded phd that is very rare !!

Thank you dublin, I do think I need to prioritise the kids over everything: DS has ASD/ADHD and needs a lot of 1:1 attention, which he just isn’t getting enough of from me atm

I think you should hang on until Christmas. When/if your partner loses his job, wait until he gets a new one, and then make the change.

I'd say go for it Op. good luck.

Go for it - a funded PhD is not to be sneezed at. You have a supportive partner which is critical

Why doesn’t your husband pick up a lot of the home and childcare responsibilities? If he’s likely to lose his job soon, surely this makes sense?

It sounds totally mad to make yourself voluntarily unemployed right when your husband faces unemployment. It sounds like you’re stressed at the moment, but honestly the stress you might face as an unemployed family going into a recession is a whole other thing. It’s a hard market for getting work at the moment, he shouldn’t assume he would find anything soon, or that you would be able to pick something up again if you needed to.

Worst case scenario: 6 months from now, the whole family is dependent only on your PhD income. Make the decision based on this, not on maybes.

There are few stresses like extreme financial pressure

Will voluntarily resigning from your job affect your ability to claim universal credit? Maybe check with Citizens Advice? Others on here may also be able to advise.

I think it would be foolish to give up the only income. I would wait until your DH gets a job and then decide.

I wouldn't. If your DH job is fucked anyway then let him leave now and do the childcare and housework. Frees you up to do both job and phD

This. Sorry OP but if your DH is losing his job at Christmas then it’s madness for you to give up your job!
Surely DH becomes a SAHP and you carry on working and studying ?

I have a child with ASD/ADHD too and we made the decision for one of us to be a SAHP because life was just one constant frazzle for all of us, but you need the working parent to be earning enough to financially support the family.

Carry on working for now - and then review if DH does find a job which can financially support you all.

And - make sure you are claiming everything you are entitled to - DLA etc

Thank you everyone for your collective wisdom! I agree it makes sense for DP to be the SAHP for a bit (as does he); the only problem with that is that he'll still need time to continue with his work portfolio, I guess you'd call it (trying not to be too specific!) while he applies for new jobs, to maximise his chances of getting another within the profession if and when things eventually pick up. It's basically a choice between sacrificing money or time/sanity! I also feel like this is time I won't get back with my DC and I hate not being able to spend as much time with them on play/learning etc as I'd like. They're constantly asking me why I'm always on my computer I guess my main job is to keep them fed and clothed, though!

I do agree (on balance, although my heart says otherwise!) that the sensible thing would be to keep plodding on over the next couple of months and saving up as much as we can (atm our outgoings are tiny due to no commuting expenses so at least this is possible).

Thank you Cats for the prompt about DLA. I hadn't got round to applying since DS's diagnosis but will do so now. Good point also Happy about checking UC eligibility first: hopefully it won't come to that but I realise nothing is off the table at the moment!

Good luck to everyone facing similar uncertainty.

I’ll give you the usual MN advice for this kind of situation - spend two months living off just your academic stipend and save the rest of your household income. That will show you whether it’s feasible in the worst case scenario AND help build up your savings in case you do end up quitting.