Workman assuming the man makes all the money

[LampGenie]

We have a workman who has done a number of jobs for us inside and out, he’s very good and up to this point we have got on well.

We are having him and his men do work to the house and for various reasons I think more extensive work needs to be done. We were chatting about it but because it is thousands of pounds and my DH and I discuss all expenditure (and it is also quite disruptive) I said, ‘before we go further, I probably should talk to DH’.

After this the workman kept making point that well it was DH with the cash after all so it wasn’t surprising I needed to talk to him etc etc..... Except it’s not.

The money in the house predates DH by a long way and I hold my side of the bargain day to day too. It’s not DH’s fault that I happen to come from a wealthier background and so I certainly wouldn’t to emasculate him by harshly pointing this out to someone who, in the scheme of things, is only going on what may be more usual but AIBU to be a little annoyed and would you say? Or would you ignore..

Emasculating for a man to be revealed to less wealthy than his wife? I'm a man and I find that a bit of outdated idea - an idea that you apparently subscribe to (before you start criticising the workman for sexist assumptions).

Yanbu. I get this a LOT. Like people handing the wine menu to DH in the restaurant. He is quite good at bluntly passing it straight to me.

I would be blunt to the workmen myself tbh. I've said things like "it will be me footing the bill so you can deal with me".

I would ask ‘what makes you think that?’ and gaze at him innocently.

I would say it doesn't matter who is paying and that you and your husband discuss all major decisions and are both paying for the work to be done.
I'm on my own and renovate properties and it is still a battle to be heard. I have been told 'oh you don't want to do that'. Occasionally I have to remind them that I'm the boss.

Weird thing is, it has always been me who has dealt with the quotes, organising the work and paying the bills which makes this all the odder.

He's quite young compared to the guys who are working for him on this job and so I wonder if they have been muttering to him which has put the idea in his head.

If he starts again, I think I will be blunt but I just don't like "putting people in their place". I don't like it done to me so don't like to dish it out.

I just don't like "putting people in their place". I don't like it done to me so don't like to dish it out.

Well, stop seeing it as 'putting someone in their place', and see it as 'educating a sexist dimwit out of his misogynistic assumptions'?

I had a fella here doing some work this week who spoke to my DH before he arrived. He told me he couldn't be responsible for waking me out of my beauty sleep by ringing me...

I informed him I'd been up since six o'clock. He was definitely old school.

If it really annoys you, next time he says anything just say "actually I'm paying".

@NaNaNaNaNaNaBaNaNa

If it really annoys you, next time he says anything just say "actually I'm paying".

It would be better to say “why do you think I’m not paying” he’ll have to squirm even more. The more uncomfortable he is the more he’ll remember it and hopefully not be so much of an idiot in future.