Your opinion please - DP's celebrity/colleague "crushes"

[BarbaraS79]

Hello, my DP who I've been with for 2+ years and trust deeply works in the film industry and often meets movie stars at work and at industry events. He has a tendency to tell me about the many celebrities he has "crushes" on as he puts it. It didn't initially bother me but there's one celebrity where he's mentioned his "crush" on her about 10x and will even refer to her as "his" ie. "my (celebrity's name)", so that began to annoy me after a while.

He's now going to be working on a film shoot for a few days where one of these movie star women is going to be filming and he'll be seeing her on those days. When he told me about it, he said "I have such a crush on her". I trust him completely not to cheat but don't understand his behavior, ie. why he insists on telling me about his "crushes" particularly when he'll be working with them. I feel it's insensitive. I mentioned to him that there's a difference between saying that you're attracted to someone and that you have a crush on someone you'll be working with, and that I wasn't interested in hearing about his "crushes" anymore. He told me I was being completely unreasonable and that I seem to have an issue with jealousy and should get help.

I want to support him but feel less excited about this work project of his now that I know he'll be working on-site with his "crush". I also feel I'm a bit more sensitive to this because he almost never compliments my looks or expresses his love for me verbally (although he does in his actions). Am I being unreasonable about my annoyance in him telling me about his "crush" on this celebrity he'll be working with? Thanks

What a wanker.

It’s very gaslight-y of him to accuse you of having an issue with jealousy when he flaunts his attraction for other women in your face.

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I hope I didn't make it sound like this celebrity is the one he's mentioned as his "crush" in the past -- this is the first I'm hearing about this other actress.

Thank you, I greatly appreciate your thoughts on this

He just sounds a bit pathetic!

I mean we all have the occasional celebrity crush (or many do) but it’s weird to go on about it.

Why does he want you to know he has a crush on her? Bit weird. Like he wants to see your reaction. What would he say if you told him repeatedly you had “such a crush” on someone you work closely with? It’s an odd way to treat your partner.

If it's ok for him to say would it be ok for you to say the same about someone you work with or see regularly as well as every other actor on tv? You definitely need to play him at his own game and then suggest he needs help for his jealousy issues if he brings it up.

For what it's worth I think it's different when a crush is an abstract never going to meet them way but this isn't that and he's definitely rubbing these crushes in your face for some reason.

He just isn't showing respect for you. Fine to mention someone is attractive once. Not fine to go on and on about his crushes. Would he appreciate you doing the same? I think not. There is malice in there somewhere.

This isn’t on, take the “celebrity” factor out of it OP and I think it gives you a better idea of what a shitty thing your ‘D’H is doing -

My DH works in an industry where he meets lots of people, and whenever he is on a new job he tells me about which women he fancies, sometimes he works with the same women and he says he has crushes on them, he keeps telling me all about it and how much he is crushing on them, is this acceptable behaviour?

(No it isn’t !!)

Partners who try to make you jealous are usually very insecure, unconfident and not particularly trustworthy ime

Thank you for replying. I'm really not sure why he tells me. I feel it would be different if he didn't work in the industry -- then we could laugh about his occasional mentions of his celebrity "crushes". I feel that him telling me he has a "crush" on someone he'll meet and work with for several days is especially inappropriate.

In my 17 year relationship I never once mentioned a celebrity crush, it’s tactless and unkind. I wouldn’t be with someone like your DP I’m afraid

This is weird. If my DH said he had a crush on someone he worked with, I’d be mightily pissed off. The fact that they are a celebrity doesn’t make it ok.

It’s one thing to have celebrities you think are attractive because, for most people, you’re never going to meet them. DH and I don’t even really mention this to each other either though.

I think the best thing about a celebrity crush is that you can harmlessly daydream about them with absolutely no expectation you will meet them - my late DH had a thing for Natalie Imbruglia but I knew it was just a daft crush. When you move in the circles where making contact with the person is more likely, i feel it moves into different (and slightly more creepy) territory to mention it to your partner. I wouldn't like the way he is talking at all - I had no issue with the Natalie Imbruglia situation in my own marriage because he was unlikely to bump into her at the post office...

Completely unacceptable both in the context of a relationship and workplace. Does he think that people in the workplace don't notice this? Not sure if he's just socially inept or negging you.