To already tell people not to come

[easterwedding]

We are (hopefully) getting married Easter weekend 2021 but tbh it's looking less and less likely we can go ahead with the full guest list.

We will go ahead with the 30 or however many we are allowed but quite a few guests (not immediate family or bridal party) have started booking travel / accommodation - one has even bought a dress.

I would feel so guilty if their money was wasted but I also know that these people (from various groups) wouldn't be on the list if we could only have 30.

How would you approach this please?

I would message everyone on your guest list (including the 30 just in case) to warn them that due to restrictions the wedding may not be going ahead in Easter, so please don’t book anything until closer to the time.

@RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder you are probably right, I would just have thought that was obvious!

I would feel so guilty if their money was wasted but I also know that these people (from various groups) wouldn't be on the list if we could only have 30.

I would make the decision now to tell everyone else to not make arrangements or buy dresses etc as you are going to slimline to just 30 people so you don't have to make that decision closer to the date of the situation hasn't improved. I dont think its fair to string people along as like you've said they wouldn't be included in the 30.

Explain you will have a party to celebrate if and when it's allowed, so that guests dress definitely won't get wasted, but for now you feel it's fairer to not get them to spend money when its very likely they won't be able to come.

As your guest I would appreciate your decision being made so early so I didn't waste money I couldn't gwt refunded.

@TinySleepThief thing is - if we are allowed then we want to go ahead, we have paid for a wedding of 100 so will go ahead with as many as we are allowed.

Or do you mean you think it most certainly will still be banned?

@TinySleepThief sorry also, we won't have a party at a later date - we'll just plough on with the wedding, however that will look!

I think we'll still be in the early stages of vaccine distribution next April, so there will still be lots of restrictions in place. Can you push it off until next fall?

Just say the first message and maybe add “and numbers may be affected depending on restrictions, although we are keeping our fingers tightly crossed that we can celebrate the day with all of you.” Or something similar.

Or do you mean you think it most certainly will still be banned?

We have relatives getting marriaged next March and they honestly cant see it being likely they will be allowed more than 30. Theyvare waiting until October half term and then making the decision to slimline if nothing has improved. It's very sad for them but they just dont want people out of pocket as its unlikely they will get refunds from hotels. So whilst no one can say for certain I do think it's unlikely.

People should only be booking accommodation that they can cancel, or are happy to lose money on. It’s too far away for any certainty. You shouldn’t have to explain that, but I think it’s worth an announcement something like @RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder has said

Nine months ago the world was almost normal. No one has a clue what will be happening at Easter. The vaccine people don't know, the government don't know, the experts don't know. I can see why you would be worried about your guests spending, although I suspect they doing it because they are excited and hopeful. Why not message your guests, tell them how you feel. They'll understand. If they chose to book hotels or stuff you are not responsible. Good luck x

I would just say "please only book accommodation that can be cancelled"
If I'm invited to something, I always do a quick refundable booking on booking.com or similar just so I'm not caught out and have to pay a fortune!

I'd separately tell the 30 in case they make other Easter plans.

We were due to go to a wedding in August. I had a dress ready to wear and booked a hotel, but I made sure I was able to cancel the booking for a full refund. I was well aware the wedding was unlikely to go ahead and we would not feature on a reduced guestlist, but I wanted to be prepared if it did! It has actually been postponed until next year, rather than 'shrunk', so I will hopefully wear my dress then.

In short: don't worry. People will have worked out that it might not be able to go ahead, but if it makes you feel better, send something round to everyone saying that you hope it will go ahead with everyone, but this will depend on government guidelines and you will be in touch nearer the time.

why not have a quiet wedding, and a splashy first anniversary?

You've said you definitely don't want to do a party later. Would you be open to postponing till the autumn? Because if not then it would make sense to tell people now that they won't be able to attend, given the rules, before anyone spends more. If you were open to delaying further, it might be different by later in 2021.

The venue might not still be there in autumn next year if everyone postpones. If it's a hotel at least they'll have some money coming in

To be honest, as a guest (which I was supposed to be at a postponed wedding earlier in the year) I wouldn't be counting on still being invited unless I were immediate family. I'm sure your guests will be understanding.