Please be gentle. I have had a tumultuous relationship with men my whole life, stretching back to my relationship with my dad and his relationship with my mum. I feel like I am really unaware of what constitutes abuse, and I am very much considering counselling.
Throughout my adult life (I am 28) all of my relationships have been 'unhealthy' except one. One of my exes used to check my phone and was paranoid about me cheating all the time, another was a porn addict who criticised my body and blamed me for it. Now we have the situation with my most recent ex...
When we first got together, he completely swept me off my feet. He told me I was the love of his life, he wanted children with me, marriage, and was going to sell his house so we could buy one together. This was all within the first few months of meeting. He then started to have doubts over whether or not he wanted to buy a house with me, and he realised what he would be 'giving up'. I essentially cooled things off with him, which he then blames for his doubts getting even worse when he says I should have been reassuring him.
For the last year, we've been in a cycle of splitting up and then he will come back with grand gestures (buying me flat screen TVs, expensive handbags, booking holidays), and winning me back round. He makes all of these promises again, then a month or two later changes his mind.
He has also lied about several things, including his friendship with another woman (meeting for secret dinners, drinks, secret conversations) and winning a substantial amount of money on the lottery. There are also times he will have depressive episodes where he will barely speak to me for days. I've felt neglected, and he rarely tells me he loves me, I am attractive, or organises fun things for us to do. This will go on for months until he has one of his 'highs' where he is manically buying me things, showering me with attention, making grand promises.
This most recent occasion, we were discussing getting back together and giving it one last try. I explained to him that I have always tried my best and put everything into our relationship, but because of his flakiness I need to put myself first and start looking to buy my own home, make more friends etc. I explained that if our relationship grows to be amazing, I can rethink my stance on buying my own home, but in the meantime I need to try to get myself sorted out. He has now blocked me on all social media because he is saying I am unreasonable with not wanting to put 100% in and he can't be with me if I am not prepared to put my all in. He's said I can come over to his house if I want to speak to him.
This isn't right, is it?