To ask how do you keep your long term marriage alive?

[WaffleDogg20]

Dh and myself have been together 7 years and married for 1. He was/is my best friend before my husband. He makes me laugh and I genuinely feel like he’s my soul mate. We have a 4yr Dd and I have two from a previous marriage who he dotes on.

Our marriage was going well until lockdown and somehow we have taken a massive downward spiral.

We never get time together, he works long shifts but when he’s home we are always with the Dc. Now the youngest has started school we were excited to get some time together.

We sit on different sofas, and I will admit to being addicted to my phone. We haven’t had sex since lockdown.

Today we had an argument and he said he felt like we have no relationship and that he doesn’t enjoy my company anymore. Obviously I’m massively hurt and heartbroken. We used to have such good fun together and loads of happy memories before our youngest came along.

I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to separate as I love him so so much, he’s an amazing dad and we have built a life together. He says he wants to caddy on and hope it will fix but doesn’t give any ideas on how to do this?!

Please help, I don’t want to lose my husband.

Ps- we never argue really. Bicker every so often but we’ve never shouted and argued.

I expect what he means is that there has been no sex. Nothing makes husbands more cranky that that in my humble opinion. They just seem to detach themselves completely when they are not getting any.
But I do wish they would just say so instead of being bloody miserable all the time.

Also the phone. Who wants to spend the evening with someone who is just staring at their phone all evening. I'd be properly pissed off with that.

Leave your phone in the other room and sit on the sofa with him. It’s not rocket science.

Thank you all

Hi,
You need some time to recapture what you had.
DH and I have been married for 25 years, together for 27. Obviously ups and downs during that time and a couple of times we came very close to splitting up. What keeps us together is having an ongoing list of things we want to do together that excites us or challenges us. Make a joint bucket list. Get him to list 20 things he wants to do before he dies. Suggest that at least 1/3 of them are easy to achieve - just stuff you never got around to - like visiting a local beauty spot or turning the garden shed into a gym/man cave/craft room etc. You make a list too. If any overlap - do some soon. Easy ones, do one this week. Harder ones, starting planning or saving for them. Ones from his that don't interest you - organise them in secret and join him at them. Share the experience of him being delighted. Encourage him to do the same for you. Because of doing this, DH and I have lots of recent brilliant memories that are as strong and happy as when we first met.

Get off your phone and make an effort with him. Organise a surprise. And find a way to get back into bed together,

We banned devices in the evening, forced ourselves to sit near each other again on the sofa and watch something together.

Also text each other in the day, jokes, tea requests etc even if we're in the same house, helps keep it light.

Ditch the phone. Have a rule that after 7pm it goes in a drawer for the night.

Adultery and recreational drugs?

@Vikingess - absolutely everyone I know who went down that route ended up divorced.