To start a secret bank account

[squigglesmiggle]

The heading sounds more sinister than it is! I'm quite thrifty and earn the odd bits of money from bits and bobs here and there, quidco, online surveys, silly things like that as well as occasional income from freelancing.

Me and DH are always always talking about going on a really amazing holiday one day, just the two of us. Or to take the kids to disneyland. The trouble is we're crap at spending that sort of money on ourselves, any little windfalls like gifts for birthdays etc go straight into the joint bank account. We do save but it always gets spent on something boring.

I was thinking of setting up a bank account on the side to put some of those little bits of money into. My hope would be that in a few years time I could surprise him with it so that we have no excuses to spend it on ourselves. I feel like it'd be a really nice surprise, akin to a small lottery win. I would of course not spend a penny of the money set aside, and only put money into it if it could be spared. He wouldn't notice and I think he would really love the surprise.

What does mumsnet think, is that a terrible deceit or a lovely idea - AIBU?

I think, if you know your DH wouldn’t be offended by the deceit, it’s likely to be fine - but it’s a case of knowing your partner. Mine would be fine, I’m sure.

However, I’d still have one big proviso: if you get to the stage where money is tight or you’re in danger if not being able to afford an essential purchase, you speak up straight away and add the money to the family pot.

Mine would be furious if he found out I'd hidden money and might not see the good gesture behind the savings. In my case I'd tell him what I am doing so that we could share the excitement of a growing holiday fund and start planning where we'd go together.

It's a nice idea done with the best intentions but you need to be 100% certain he won't find out or wonder where the money is going in the meantime. If he found out accidentally it may make him suspicious.

Looking at it from the other direction, how would you feel if you thought your partner was diverting money somewhere, then found that he had a secret bank account? Would you 100% trust his claim that he wanted a secret account to surprise you with? Or would you find it a little suspicious.

I have one of these that DH knows about.
Overtime etc. goes into it.
Hoping for a trip to Europe once covid is under control.
Will take me that long and more to save a decent amount.

Hmm, I think if it were me, I’d be open about it and discuss it with him. I’d also save it somewhere like a credit union, instead of a bank. Maybe my credit union is a bit rubbish, but when I withdraw money, I have to give a few days notice, so unless it’s a genuine emergency, I can’t be bothered with the hassle. Means it’s less likely I’ll fritter it away.

I would just say I'm going to set up a little savings account. Play it down a bit. The surprise could be the amount rather than the fact it was secret. I have savings accounts which my DH knows about but doesn't really know much I save.

Thanks all, @contrmary yes, if he did the same I would believe him and trust him 100% so I think that's why I was thinking of doing it.

I think to be safe I'll tell him I'm setting up a savings account for something nice for us, but never mention it again. It won't be the same surprise but he'll probably forget all about it to be honest!

I think this is probably one of those things where your views depend on whether you have joint or separate finances. We have the latter and I would happily do this and DH wouldn't care. He opens new savings accounts all the time too and it's never bothered me. We both have different pots for different things (as well has some joint savings).

I have an account where I put bits of money that come in just for me. Like birthday and Christmas money etc.

DH knows it is there, but I didn't consult him before setting it up. Why would I? We do have a joint account, and he has his own, as I used to.

I just decided I wanted to maintain my own account, so if I want one I am going to have one.

When I was married I had a savings account which I put regular amounts into my wife knew but never pressed as to how much was there.

When we divorced there was a financial settlement which left the funds there as it did with her savings.

Post divorce I have started to live as female having been dressing all my life. The funds enabled me to set my life up as Amy .

I have my own bank account that hubby knows about, but he doesn’t know how much is in it.
You are well within your rights to have your own bank account, even if you’re married.