To wonder if people just don't like me...

[mayflowerapplepie]

So this is a whinge and a bit of a woe is me (just to warn you)

This weekend I have a BIG birthday. I normally do nothing for my birthday, expect no presents, make no fuss and demand no attendance at parties etc. Just for context I have never had a wedding/christening/baby shower etc either so I am not someone who asks people to give up time or money for things. A number of friends have often expressed their wish that I would celebrate more birthdays so we can all get together more often

For about a year several friends (some of whom I have known a LONG time) have been asking me repeatedly what we are doing for this birthday, asking for weekends away/holidays etc. I bowed to pressure and booked a holiday house for the weekend, not too far away (me paying for it all) and gave plenty of notice and everyone was extremely enthusiastic. I started getting excited

Of course, predictably now the excuses are coming in over the few days before. One woman has little kids and I in no way expected her to come for the whole weekend (or even at all if she didn't want to leave them) and made that clear but she told me what days she would come. Others were very pro making it a big weekend but slowly people want to arrive later and later and leave earlier and earlier. It is making me feel pretty shit about myself and slightly resentful for all the money and effort I have laid out for a weekend away that people SAID they REALLY REALLY wanted to do. I laid out the schedule for when different people were going so that people could decide if they want lifts etc but otherwise have been most low maintenance in expecting people to stick to anything strict

I am going to go. I am going to smile and try and have a nice time. I hope I do. But I feel like it sort of sours the friendships a bit. Am I just being precious?

ps No COVID here and all above board and name changed!

COVID IS everywhere. I’ve cancelled on a friend who wants a weekend in a house with people from different households.
Where do you live where there’s no COVID ?
In your position I would assume people are being cautious, and this wasn’t the year to suddenly hold a party...

I do regular weekends away with groups and this is just the nature of having lots of people in one space. People have lots of commitments, it’s not personal. Just go and have a great time with the people who are there. Cease the moment and have some fun. Let everyone organise themselves

I think the mistake you made is paying for it all. A shared house away should be a split cost. They'd be much less likely to lame out of it if it was coming from their own pocket.
I hope you have a lovely time anyway.

I’m sorry this has happened. I don’t think you’re being precious. I’d be hurt and disappointed too. I hope you are pleasantly surprised by what a wonderful time you have, however it unfolds. Happy birthday 🥳

Lots of people will have been put off by this new six people rule. I wouldn't want to be sharing a house right now either, but you do still have some people coming don't you? A small group will be much more fun and you will all bond quicker and have a great
time because the people attending obviously really want to be there with you.

I'm so sorry this has happened. I am the same, I hate any fuss and the attention on me. When I have had a party or small get together I really feel upset if people can't attend.

I think it is worth remembering that it may sound like excuses but everyone has such busy lives and to try enjoy the time that you do get with these people. With children, pets, partners, parents etc it is so hard these days to get people to commit to things far in advance.

I hope you have a great time!

It's really rubbish that this has happened

I wouldn't interpret this as people not liking you. It's a different world to the one that people wanted to do things in, and Covid is making things awkward all round.

I'd agree that in general, it's best to share the costs of this type of thing, because people are inherently more interested in something that they've got a financial interest in. You've been really lovely paying for it all, but on a psychological level, that means they have less invested.

How many people have you still got coming? I'd go and enjoy yourself as much as you can, but I'd try not to let it sour friendships by itself, unless they are generally flaky friends.

Thank you all for being lovely! We have no real restrictions on gatherings here (overseas) so it genuinely isn’t covid related but I think it is just life related. I paid for it because I thought asking people to pay would feel a bit rude when it is for my birthday (and money isn’t an issue at all)
There are still going to be 6-7 of us and I will attempt to make the most of it and be less princessy 😂 Much wine will help