To think a lot of grandparents will find it hard to go back to providing childcare after lockdown?

[GlummyMcGlummerson]

I'm lucky that my kids are now school age, but when they were babies/toddlers exH and I always used paid childcare. My dad passed away, mum lives abroad and although his parents lived locally, and provided childcare for his siblings, we felt that we could afford nurseries and it meant that we wouldn't have to worry about grandparents being sick or on holidays etc. However I'm the only one on my friends and family who didn't rely on grandparents for childcare, and i now know 3 people who, after lockdown, the grandparents have said they can't/won't do childcare any more.

One is very anxious about going out and doing the school run and the other 2 have had something of an epiphany in that they realised just how exhausting it was to look after small children and have decided to step back and look after themselves. All parents are furious and now extremely stuck for help (hardly any childminders round here and many are changing their capacity anyway).

I wonder if a lot of grandparents will feel this way, or will struggle do childcare now they've had a glimpse of "freedom"? My 2 are 4 and 8 and I've spent the last 8 years utterly knackered, I'm only in my 30's I can't imagine how hard it is for people in their 60's and 70's!

AIBU to think that many people - parents, the government etc - will now see the true worth of grandparents who provided childcare and will have to think of provisions for how inevitable gaps will be filled?

Your post sounds a bit snarky. Maybe it’s not meant that way, but it slightly sounds like you’re glad that the people you perceive as having had it easy will be in for a reckoning!

I think it’s unlikely to change as much as you say. There will definitely be some grandparents who don’t want to take the risk or whose circumstances have changed, but I’m not sure there will be a sweeping movement away from grandparental care.

I think in general though the issue of how expensive childcare is should be addressed - it costs far too much and really limits people’s choices when it comes to work. The 30 free hours is good but doesn’t go far enough.

People who didn’t have grandparent help with childcare always get digs in at people who do...

Both sets of GP of my child are absolutely thrilled to be looking after him again. Genuinely so happy. We also pay for childcare on other days of the week so we are fully aware how much paid childcare costs.

If any of the GP didn’t want to do childcare, we wouldn’t be “furious” and we wouldn’t be stuck. Who would be furious at their parents for that, really? Sounds like you have a very unusual, possibly slightly embellished friendship group.

We don’t use grandparents for childcare as we don’t need to, but my parent’s friends who usually provide childcare and have been unable to have been absolutely gutted and can’t wait to start again.

I think it's going to be harder on the Grandparents, to be honest. MIL had DS2 one day a week when I went back to work til he went to school and even now raves about how much she loved him being there, keeping her active and busy. If Covid had happened when he was young she would have missed him enormously. DS2 adored his time with her and would have been equally upset not to be able to spend time with her.

Not in my experience. Both sets of grandparents do a day per week for us and have missed the grandchildren terribly. They didn't meet my newborn until she was almost three months old. They're delighted to have them back. My mum in particular is retired and really struggled with not being busy and helpful. My father in law is in his 50s and seriously considering dropping hours at work as lockdown made him realise how much he enjoys having the children around and doesn't want to miss out while they're small.

My aunt used to look after my cousin's daughter one afternoon per week but she has now started Reception. She is sad that she has missed out on those last Pre school months.

As I've said before, I reckon there are a percentage of GPs who previously provided childcare, giving a huge sigh of relief that it has stopped during lockdown and don't want to go back to doing it.

Ours were really keen!

I don't have children but my pil have just told sister & brother in law that they won't be doing as much childcare from now on and only occasional overnight stays. Partly due to age they are mid 70s now as well as virus risk and enjoying their freedom over lockdown.

Sil is livid apparently but only spoken to bil since it was announced!

I imagine it will be an issue yes. I think that's always the case with relying on family for childcare though. Their health or circumstances can change quickly so you would know it's always a possibility that the help won't continue indefinitely.

If my parents lived closer, I would definitely rely on them more for ad hoc childcare. However, although my mother at least is quite young for her age and healthy, I know they both find running around after an active toddler (and DS is very active) exhausting! They've had him to stay for a few days when we've found it hard to cover our work commitments and it takes them a whole week to recover afterwards ! DS also watches more TV than he usually would with them because, quite frankly, they need the recovery time... So even if they lived close by, I wouldn't presume to rely on them for regular childcare. I'm happy to pay for a nursery with lovely (young and fit!) staff and plenty of outdoor space where he can run off his energy.

But we're fortunate to be able to afford childcare, which not everyone is. Also, not all toddlers have as much energy as DS or need as much exercise and supervision. I'm sure there's lots of young and active grandparents who are able to keep up and love having the grandkids a day a week. But it shouldn't be an expectation and parents lucky enough to have this help should be realistic about what GPs can do with their kids. Also, sadly I think lockdown and social isolation may have "aged" some older people a little or sapped their energy (as it has ours), so they may not feel able to just pick up where they left off, which parents should respect.

I do think that no one should be forced into providing free childcare if they don’t want to but there are grandparents out there who are wanting to look after their grandchildren and enjoy it. My mum is 64 and with my oldest 2 who are now teenagers I was a single parent and struggling financially so used to work evenings and weekends and my mum used to have them. When they got older I worked in day and they would go to childminder before school and my mum would pick them up after. She will probably admit it was hard work as she would be at work then pick them up but she did it to help save me money and she loves them. She was 48 when my oldest born though.

I’m now pregnant and she has offered to look after baby for free on her day off when I return to work to keep the childcare bill down. She is now 64 will be 65 when I return to work, but healthy and says she will look into seeing if she can drop another day at work so can look after baby 2 days as she wants to spend time with her.

For some people I think Covid is showing life is short so enjoy your children/grandchildren while you can.

Childcare is expensive though and also too many non resident fathers are able to get away with not paying their share of the costs so that is why a lot of grandparents step in. I also think how your family is makes a difference my mum struggled as a single parent with little help while we were young so she understands the need to help each other and she says she loves having grandchildren so would do anything and everything she could for them.

You're a bit smug, because you admit that there's a shortage of childcare options where you live, so what are parents supposed to do?

I'm a GP in my 50's and I still provide childcare. I've had a bit more freedom since March (because of furlough/wfh) and I've sat and got fatter. It hasn't been good for my health. The GPs that I speak to on the school run, of all ages and health statuses, have said the same.

There's enormous health benefits to providing childcare, emotional and physical.

I think all unregistered caring, is massively under appreciated and the contribution to the running of society by the economically inactive, isn't recognised.

Most of my kids grandparents found it hard before lockdown. Now it is the perfect excuse to visit only on birthdays.

I work with a volunteer run youth group. A lot of older leaders are re-evaluating their commitment- it wasn't to they had the break they realised how exhausted they were.

Others can't wait to be back- including the oldest at 75. But he's retired, where it's the ones in their 50s struggling.

After lockdown? My parents have been providing childcare since June. The school restricted their opening hours for key workers and we can’t afford holiday club as a viable option.

It was the opposite with my parents - they couldn't wait to start again! It wouldn't have mattered though if they didnt to as there's plenty of nurseries/childcare options. I find it surprising that your friends can't find anywhere at all locally for their children unless you're out in the sticks.