Ex boyfriend?

[OneTableLegDown]

We split up about 3 weeks ago so fairly recent. We had an argument because I felt like he’d been pushing me away and he snapped at me that I was being too needy.

So anyway it was all finished, I blocked him because I didn’t want to hear from him again and wanted to move on. Yesterday his friend sent me a message on Facebook telling me about things I didn’t know about which explain why he was stressed and snapped at me. AIBU to not give him another chance now that I know why he was pulling away from me? Everything was going really well and I felt like it was just starting to getting towards being more serious so feel like I don’t want to throw away something good over one problem which has now been sorted out. Or is someone being stressed out to the point of snapping a red flag? He’s never been like before with me and from what his friend has told me I understand why he got to that point.

It's hard to give advice without knowing what made him snap.

His mum died - fair enough
The cat shit in the house - not ok

How long were you a couple ?

Depends what was going on and what you mean by 'snapped'. Did he shout or get all agitated in a way you found intimidating? I wouldn't go back to someone who did that tbh.

If you were being a bit needy, and all he did was call you needy, then, that just sounds like a minor fall out to me. Don't understand the need to block him in that case though, so assume it was more than that.

Can you handle that reaction every time he gets stressed about something?

This is obviously how he handles stress, so I would be asking myself that question before deciding anything.

To be honest if you have to rely on a friend telling you this stuff rather than him, especially when it’s obvious it’s causing a problem, there’s bigger issues that need resolving.

Is his mate a flying monkey and trying to lure you back in?

I'd probably stay split up. Instead of calling you needy, he could have just said 'sorry x,y,z are happening at the moment I need a bit of space'.

Instead he was either not self aware enough to realise he was behaving badly, the type that always blames others for their behaviour or a really poor communicator that somehow expectedly you to magically know shit was happening. None of them are great chareteristics in a partner.

Has your ex actually contacted you and apologised? Or is it just his friend? Is his friend apologising on ex's behalf or does ex not know his friend has contacted you?

I think if he snapped at you for no reason then he needs to apologise to you himself if he wants you back. If he doesn't apologise himself despite being the one who was behaving poorly then I don't think that says much about his character and I wouldn't run back to him

All sounds very immature to me. On the basis of the meagre information given here, I'd let him stay gone. 3 red cards for me:

He couldn't confide in you about whatever was bothering him, withdrew, and then (by calling you needy) made it your problem. That wasn't your baggage to handle, it was his.

He 'flounced'. That's his way of dealing with stressful situations.

He deployed a friend to approach you and negotiate on his behalf, rather than being mature enough to talk to you himself (or apologise, for that matter).

I agree with the PP that anything less serious than the death of a close relative doesn't justify these histrionics. Who needs that in their life? He doesn't sound mature enough for an adult relationship. I'd move on.

No I wouldn’t give him another chance. What happens the next time he has a bit of stress? And shouldn’t he be sharing with you not pushing you away if he is going through something? As to getting his friend to contact you, well words fail me.

The issue hasn’t been resolved though. The issue was he wasn’t telling you what was going on with him and he still hasn’t, his friend has (assuming it’s true). If he’d come and told you how he was feeling and why and recognised he should have told you earlier then perhaps giving a second chance would be appropriate but in this instance nothing has changed to warrant a second chance. Sorry.

Maybe you equally annoyed him as much as he annoyed you? So maybe you can both make changes?

Fuck that. He had his chance to tell you his “reasons”

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

All sounds very immature to me. On the basis of the meagre information given here, I'd let him stay gone. 3 red cards for me:

He couldn't confide in you about whatever was bothering him, withdrew, and then (by calling you needy) made it your problem. That wasn't your baggage to handle, it was his.

He 'flounced'. That's his way of dealing with stressful situations.

He deployed a friend to approach you and negotiate on his behalf, rather than being mature enough to talk to you himself (or apologise, for that matter).

I agree with the PP that anything less serious than the death of a close relative doesn't justify these histrionics. Who needs that in their life? He doesn't sound mature enough for an adult relationship. I'd move on.

I agree with this.

He hasn't confirmed in your and he's tired to pass on the baggage. He also hadn't explained or apologiesed to you... His friend has contacted you, not him. It sounds like he lacks the emotional maturity to deal with issues, so I'd leave him well alone.