Don't know where to post and at a loss - exp saying I'm alinanting our dd

[User19891]

Don't know where else to turn, exp who was both abusive to myself and our dd is now threatening residency. We are currently going through court and at every turn he is trying to make me look like an obstructive parent. DD sweated through layers of clothing because he wouldn't check on her for 4 hours, this is apparently my fault, dd comes back with bruising on 3 occasions (while we were together he threatened to slap her up for crying) so on the third occasion I took her to hospital to have it documented, ss got involved. On all of these occasions I didn't stop contact, he had support contact and knew if she returned with bruising again I wouldn't send her back.. to date no bruises.

I have constantly tried to encourage their relationship but any time I try to raise concerns he doesn't want to listen and Im causing an issue. Now I'm alienating him, I'm just so stressed out. Dd is under 2 doesn't speak. Just why does he constantly want to fight.. he pretty much wants me to put up and shut up when it comes to dd.

Sorry title meant to read alienating

Even making allegations like I'm putting in dds nappy incorrectly causing them to leak. That I'm setting him up to fail. I just finding it so difficult

Judges are well used to such fuckwittery I am sure he thinks he is the only person who is clever enough to have thought of these sort of tactics. Truth is he is stupid enough to think this.
Continue as you are, document everything and don't get drawn in to debate with him.

he pretty much wants me to put up and shut up when it comes to dd

Yes, because it's a way to control you. That's all he's after here.

This is all him chatting shit and getting inside your head. It's not professional determinations.

As pp said:

Continue as you are, document everything and don't get drawn in to debate with him.

You post about this issue every week or so and get tons of advice

@Sharpandshineyteeth, maybe it's still an issue every week for her?

Sometimes we just want to talk about a problem over and over. If we're lucky, we have someone who is willing to be patient with us and let us burn the topic out.

Maybe you are putting on the nappy wrong but it’s more likely it’s not being changed often enough and that’s why it’s leaking. Hopefully the courts will see right through him

This sounds very similar to a sitiation I was in. Even though I had left the relationship I was still emotionally abused in the same way you are now by text, phone calls and meeting for contact. It lasted years and I eventually spoke to womens aid who were fantastic and gave me great advice. The advice was to go very stony and show no emotion, blunt answers such as yes or no. I would only answer questions that were important such as meet up times and never get into a discussion. At first he bombarded with abuse and I said any abuse or harrasment will be reported to the police and that I had all screenshots saved ready for them..it literally stopped. He tried in other ways but I continued to only reply to the essentials and eventually he just stopped. Please get advice from womens aid, it improved my quality of life so much.

@Sharpandshineyteeth, yes I do, but unfortunately for me the professionals aren't helping.. ex is just making more ridiculous allegations and I'm stuck with him constantly controlling me. My family are under a lot of strain right now following the death of a close relative among other things so I can't vent to them they have their own stresses going on too. So I do post here almost every week.. so I can vent and hopefully find someone who has been through similar and made it out the other side.

@Iamneverfull I have been trying the grey stone method, each time he turns up smiling and I think great maybe he will stop now. But no.

Block his number. If possible move house and don’t let him know the new address - pick ups and drop offs can then be arranged at a public place (eg the police station). If you seriously fear for your dd’s safety then block all access and go through social services with your (documented) concerns - they may offer to support surpervised access.