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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to quit??

24 replies

Juney123 · 08/09/2020 20:54

Bit of background.

My daughter is 9 months, we both recently started at a new nursery, I work there, she's never really been left before.

I'm really, really unhappy with some of the care she has been given, from the moment we did the settling in visits, but as it's a new job for me, I felt I needed to push and give it a try, but somethings are just sending alarm bells ringing in my head and I'm seriously considering quitting and pulling us out and we are only on day 3.

She is EBF, which is obviously my choice. We bedshare due to this, she's fed to sleep for naps but does well being rocked after her milk.

She's left in dirty clothes after her lunch, one day she still had food from 3hrs previous all over her hands and face, even after 4 hours she had food all over her bottoms and her tops, despite me leaving plenty of spare clothes for her, no water was given the first few days out of her cup and no one let me know she wasn't drinking her milk properly and mixed messages are being given to me in regards to this.

I'm having to pretty much go to a point I'm seriously uncomfortable to go and express milk, then I'm given funny looks for giving the expressed milk to them from other members of staff, having to go in the staff room anticipating or making other people not be able to sit and have their lunch because there's no other room for me to pump in which makes me feel really, really awkward.

But, my main concern is the sleeping arrangements. We bed share so I know the safe sleep arrangements, as do they as they have sleep mats and cots for the older children and other babies.

The past days she's been laid on a sort of nursing, sit me up pillow, semi upright with a blanket wrapped around her, in a different room to the staff.

I know, that babies should be on a flat surface without blankets unless in a cot and then, it should be tucked in and their feet to the bottom of the cot.
This is really concerning me as I feel that at any minute, if she isnt in the same room she could smother her self with the blanket or potentially have another issue with the position she is in, I'm unsure why they have laid her on this rather than a sleep mat, but since it is my first week, I'm nervous (which I know I should not be) about speaking up about it in fear of being the new girl who is causing problems.

No other child in the whole setting is propped up on a pillow, they either are laid in a cot which she doesn't like, but, has been laid into before there, so I get that she wakes and isn't happy but the others are either in a cot or put onto a sleep mat, which is flat like they should be.

I have provided a sleep bag for her so no blankets are needed, yet, they say she refuses to wear it and causes a fuss about it.

There's other issues I've found in my own room which I won't go into, but, overall am I being unreasonable?

Surely they know this and should be following the guidance they have in regards to safe sleeping especially as SIDS is still a risk (albeit low) until 1.

Overall I need the money since my maternity stopped, but, I just don't really know what to do.

With these concerns and questions, would you stay or continue to put your child into this setting?

Am I thinking too much into this and being totally petty?

OP posts:
Juney123 · 08/09/2020 21:29

Help anyone? 😢

OP posts:
Cheesess · 08/09/2020 21:56

You should quit.

TheTrollFairy · 08/09/2020 22:07

I don’t think it’s a good idea to work in the same nursery as you send your child

Juney123 · 08/09/2020 22:26

@thetrollfairy we aren't in the same room, there are others who have the children there too. I just feel that eben though I'm a member of staff she should be looked after better.

@cheesess so I'm not being totally UR?

OP posts:
TheClawww · 08/09/2020 22:30

It sounds like a shit nursery.

I second the opinion that working at the same nursery as your child is not ideal.

Juney123 · 08/09/2020 22:33

@theclawww can I ask why you feel its not ideal? Because I can see the care that's going on? Surely with me around they should be taking better care, not worse. I'm not in and out of the room, I literally hand milk and go straight out, as directly feeding was worse. Maybe I'm just not cut 9ut for it yet!

OP posts:
rorosemary · 08/09/2020 22:36

Cant you tell them that a friend or family member is going to look after her and then just send her to a different nursery? Then you wouldn't have to quit your job.

Cocomarine · 08/09/2020 22:37

Propping up a baby on a pillow to sleep, with no adult in the room? I’d be reporting them to Ofsted. I also would immediately tell them not to do it.

Cocomarine · 08/09/2020 22:41

Some of your points are a bit much though... I wouldn’t expect nursery to change a child’s food stained clothes. Wipe yes, change no. For me, a change of clothes is provided is case of poonami. Mess - you could be changing 4x a day!

I also wouldn’t expect a nursery to provide a room for you to pump - they won’t be big enough. If there’s an office separate to the staff room, I would expect them to allow you to use that. However, I’m not sure about leaving a new member of staff alone with confidential paperwork, so they may need some time to sort out lockable cabinets.

Juney123 · 08/09/2020 22:42

@rorosemary that is definitely an option, I think I may have to look into it, but, if ofsted do come and spectate the nursery and find it's practice isn't best ill be labelled with that in my next setting! They are due one any time now really from previous inspection dates.

@Cocomarine I know, I should of said, I was gobsmacked really and as a member of staff who's new I just felt really, really awkward and maybe guidance had changed. Technically.. They are in the same room, theres a half wall i between, but they'd have to really go up to it and see to look at her, I know times are busy and they should be checking every 10 minutes but anything can happen in 10 minutes.

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 08/09/2020 22:42

@rorosemary

Cant you tell them that a friend or family member is going to look after her and then just send her to a different nursery? Then you wouldn't have to quit your job.
I don’t think you’d have to lie - and lies look bad. Nurseries are small worlds. It would sound perfectly fine to say, “it’s really hard for me to have her near but not be with her.”
Juney123 · 08/09/2020 22:45

@Cocomarine Maybe so, but, she was covered in it, massive, dried bits on her trousers, same with the sleeves of her top and multiple all over the front. Maybe, it's just me, but, if a child is dirty I'd change their outfit. Especially if sat in all day, but maybe again, that's just me! I wouldn't send a child home with paint all over them, hence why you put aprons on. Legally, they have to provide a space, for me to pump but who knows really. I guess I'll take what I'm given at the minute. It's all new

OP posts:
faithfulbird · 08/09/2020 23:33

Reading some of that made me deeply uncomfortable. Quit and take her out too or send her elsewhere.

Viviennemary · 08/09/2020 23:39

The nursery care sounds inadequate. Left in badly stained clothes. But you sound a little bit high maintenance with requests to pump breast milk in a separate room. . How can your DD be EBF if she's having food at nursery.

Cam2020 · 08/09/2020 23:44

I think you both need to leave.

You're right about possible damage to your reputation too by staying there.

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 08/09/2020 23:46

Op this sounds really tricky!!

Nursery is my background and it’s really hard when you work in the same place as your child. But that’s not to say it’s impossible and it should be a problem.

I’ll start with you; you should have somewhere private to pump that is warm and most definitely not the toilet! Read up on your employment rights and then chat to your manager about this.

For your daughter . You need to be her voice. That can feel awkward when it’s your employer but you can’t let them continue with unsafe practice: again I’d talk to the manager or baby room leader and definitely follow up with an email so it’s all in writing. Having babies in nursery who have only ever been fed to sleep is really tricky, but they still shouldn’t be following unsafe practice.
Is there any reason that you cant go in on your lunch break and breastfeed your Little one to sleep?
That would likely help with your comfort and your daughter’s sleep? I’ve certainly made this happen for children in the past, easiest all round!
I’d start with this and gradually work on her settling for naps without milk as she heads towards one? Don’t be pressured though; babies grow quickly enough!

If you’re not happy with the care after you’ve spoken with them then look elsewhere? You can’t compromise on safety . Lots of luck to you x

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 08/09/2020 23:47

Forgot to say
Changing dirty , food covered clothes is basic, not extraordinary and definitely not unreasonable!

unimaginativeusernamehere · 08/09/2020 23:52

The nursery care sounds inadequate. Left in badly stained clothes. But you sound a little bit high maintenance with requests to pump breast milk in a separate room. . How can your DD be EBF if she's having food at nursery.

High maintenance? It's the law for a workplace to provide this space.

BF2748 · 08/09/2020 23:55

I’d look for another job and follow your mama instincts with regards to your baby girl.

BF2748 · 08/09/2020 23:56

@Viviennemary

The nursery care sounds inadequate. Left in badly stained clothes. But you sound a little bit high maintenance with requests to pump breast milk in a separate room. . How can your DD be EBF if she's having food at nursery.
I’d expect a nursery of all places to be accommodating to mum who requires to pump milk.
Juney123 · 09/09/2020 04:03

@faithfulbird I've felt deeply uncomfortable the whole time!

OP posts:
Juney123 · 09/09/2020 04:05

@viviennemary I never stated I have requested this, I stated it made me feel uncomfortable pumping milk in a shared space where another member of staff could walk in at any moment! Ebf is just that she's only exclusively had my milk. It's a legal right to provide somewhere.

OP posts:
Juney123 · 09/09/2020 04:10

@CoffeeNeeded2019 Yes, I knew deep down it was going to be really hard but wasn't quite expecting it to be hard plus having all these issues on top which at the end of the day shouldn't really happen!

Like you say, that sleep practice is totally unsafe, I need to voice my concerns but really, unsure how to. I was initially feeding her, but, I wasn't able to get out when she needed it, I explain the times and they forgot plus it made her more upset when I did go and feed, so I assumed pumping would be easier, nust be totally wrong.

I know she'd probably be OK without milk, or so I'm told but after 4 hours I'm super uncomfortable and a 9 hour shift makes this impossible really and my lunch break is often 5hours after my starting time so I feel this is going to be way to late and I'll of leaked by this point which would be really, really embarrassing on top of everything else. I'm just super upset with it all really, was not expecting this!

OP posts:
Juney123 · 09/09/2020 04:12

@BF2748 As would I, they have provided the staff room which is better than nothing, I suppose! Think I'm going to, been so stressed the past few days about it all. Just unsure on do I go and give it another try today or go in and request to talk to manager before handing my notice in then and there. I don't know!

OP posts:
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