AIBU to call out this comment? Racist micro aggression?

[Pollydolly72]

NC as identifying. Background so as not to drip feed: My friend is British but from a Chinese heritage. She was born and raised in Britain, respects and values her culture, has a name/surname that is Chinese (Easy to spell and say) but is very much a Geordie girl. She is also a teacher.

She posted a status on her page, commenting on the fact a child had written her name as ‘Mrs Bear’ on the front of their book today, saying what a funny and cute mistake it is. ‘I hope they don’t think I’m a grizzly bear, etc.’

Someone who we went to college with, not a friend, never speak to them, commented on the post: ‘Well, to be fair, it’s an English class and you don’t have an English surname 🙄😅 Bless em🤣’

My initial reaction was that this is pretty offensive. Unintentional, perhaps, but it implies that it’s the teacher’s fault that her surname is ‘not English’ not just a funny spelling mistake. If it was a white teacher, comments would just be about the misspelling, surely?

Just want some perspective on this.

Is she upset by it?

@SchrodingersImmigrant She is used to these comments so she’s surprised but not upset. Surely that’s the point though? If it’s a micro-aggression it’s ‘passive’ and not obviously hurtful yet still offensive.

Yes it's racist. Yes she's probably used to it. Not sure what she or you can do except call them out?

Weird thing to say. Personally I would make an effort to like every other comment on the post and if she could reply to every other comment too, just to passive aggressively show that the twat was ignored

@overthemountainsandfaraway That’s why we wanted to see what others thought before responding. My friend would call her out in a respectful way, privately, if she were to do that.

I would support the friend in calling it out if she found it offensive. Otherwise... If you do it yourself it's bit like telling the person what they should be offended by, which I don't like as people did it to me so many times. You know, good intentions, but it's personal, isn't it. I hope you know what I mean.

Ah. I see the last updated that she wants to call it out. Yeah. Zupport her

Yes imo that's racist. If the teacher had a hard to spell name (of any origin) and your friend said "well to be fair your name is tricky to spell" that would be fine. Her specifically saying that her name's not english, especially when it's an easy to spell name makes it racist imo.

@Pinkyaandthebrain Yes. This is the way that I also interpreted it. ‘Tricky spelling’, fine. ‘Not English’ though ... hmmm.

Thanks for the replies. I’ll support my friend with whatever she chooses to do.

The emoji usage is suspect too. Definitely rude

I read it as the person is saying “it’s ironic that you teach English when you’re not even English, so what do you expect when they can’t spell your non-English name?”.

@Healththrowaway199 Do you know what, I think you’re spot on there. I think that’s what gives it its ‘tone’, if that makes sense? It’s this emoji, in particular: 🙄

Call it out, always call it out. It's because we don't that some pillocks still think this sort of shit is okay. It isn't, it's racist

A simple "did you mean to be so racist there" ? Is usually enough because the micro aggressive types rarely have anything to say if called out, they aren't brave enough

Yeah it’s definitely all of those emojis, I personally would only use these ones in this way if I was being snarky

Well, my friend commented on the post to say she had privately messaged her about it. In the private message she very politely explained why the post could be interpreted as racist- explaining a similar scenario to @Pinkyaandthebrain upthread.

She didn’t use the term ‘racist’ but said it was a microagression and signed off the message saying: I truly believe that you did not intend for it to come across in that way but unfortunately it does. I feel it’s only right to address you directly with this as perhaps it’s something you genuinely didn’t think about until now. I hope you can see that this message comes from a good place and can understand that it’s not enough to allow comments like this to go unchallenged.

So, you get the tone. Their response was to say they meant it in a ‘friendly way’. Then she deleted and blocked my friend. So... that says it all really, right? At least that’s one less racist in her life!

So glad your friend called the silly bigoted bitch out on it. It's sickening, but at least she knows & as you say, one less racist to deal with. I hope your friend is okay 💐

Their response was to say they meant it in a ‘friendly way’.

I actually laughed at that response!! Typical

Children don't automatically know how to spell names - surprisingly they have to be taught how to spell English names, they don't just intuit it because they are English.

It was a bitchy comment that's for sure.

@Healththrowaway199 Ha- I know, shocking!

Good grief! That isn’t micro aggression it’s just racism.

Wow, good for your friend, really. That was a great response 💪🏼