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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate birthdays...

11 replies

PopWeasel · 08/09/2020 19:28

I hate my own. Always have, always will. It is at Christmas and I just find a day focused on me hard. My poor DM every year asks what I want to do as she tries to make it special. The one year I told her (spend it in a plush hotel by myself) I really upset her so I spent the time with family and gratefully accepted the celebration.

Now to the AIBU. I also don't like other people's birthdays. I stress about what to get people. Will they like it, have I spent enough, have I been thoughtful, what do they want to do etc. Because I don't enjoy mine I struggle to understand how to celebrate it suitably to make that person feel special. My DP has been going on about his. It is looming and I am dreading it. I just think it won't live up to the hype he has created in his own head. I just want to skip the day completely (obviously I wouldn't) but I'm really not looking forward to it. I have a week and I'm struggling to come up with anything. Do I need to do a special breakfast, dinner, cake etc. presents and decorations? I honestly don't have a clue.

OP posts:
romeolovedjulliet · 08/09/2020 19:32

you do what you want and how you want it. personally our family don't do anything thing for birthdays, anniversaries etc.

WhoAmIWhoAreYou · 08/09/2020 19:36

Is it because its at Christmas that you hate your birthday? I'm the complete opposite, I was a Christmas day baby and I resent having to share my day with everyone who also get to open presents. Makes me feel less important haha. But my DH makes a fuss usually before or after.

You aren't being unreasonable though. Not every one is in to birthday celebrations and that's okay

SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/09/2020 19:37

Do I need to do a special breakfast, dinner, cake etc. presents and decorations? I honestly don't have a clue.

You do what he likes. Ask

Wearywithteens · 08/09/2020 19:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
PopWeasel · 08/09/2020 19:45

I have asked. But he keeps going on about how I'm going to make it special and have a surprise for him etc and it is getting grander and he is doing it to wind me up but I now have no idea on what is normal.

I just don't like attention on me and I find opening presents in front of people really awkward. I would rather just have cards and a cake and maybe a take away. I don't need anything else. Christmas is a horrible birthday time. I wish I was a Christmas Day baby so I would share with everyone else.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 08/09/2020 19:49

I would rather just have cards and a cake and maybe a take away
You tell them all that and if anyone protests with "but it's a special day" tell them that you are aware and it's your day and this is what you want to do. No arguing. If they try ask them "Are you trying to ruin the special day?".

For him. Take him for dinner somewhere nice and make it a tradition. Nice bottle of favourite alcohol or something for his hobby will do as a present.
Easy peasy

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 08/09/2020 19:52

I love mine, and insist on a big fuss being made. Which I realise makes me a social pariah on Mumsnet where no adult is allowed to have a fuss made over them, ever!

DappledThings · 08/09/2020 20:01

I hate mine and at the grand old age of 41 have finally managed to have it cancelled and utterly ignored as I wish. Took some awkward conversations to get there though.

I totally get the not knowing what other people want as well. I find buying presents really stressful and don't think I've ever really managed to pull it out of the bag with any adult. I do always make DH a cake and make a couple of suggestions for what we could do on the day but get him to make the final choice.

Sceptre86 · 08/09/2020 20:13

I love my birthday and am always excited for it. I remind my dh in advance and do like to be made to feel special. To me that means, a nice meal either cooked, a take away or restaurant meal. I like to have a cake, presents and a card. I don't tend to open presents infront of people eg. when my mum sends a gift or mil I usually open it after they have left.

I don't understand why you wouldn't know what to do on your dh's birthday, presumably you have celebrated other birthdays with him? A usual start is food, cake and a gift. In terms of a gift, ask him to tell you exactly what he wants, if not get him a voucher or give money so he can sort out his own present.

Yanbu to dislike your own birthday but it is a shame you don't enjoy anyone else's.

Original poster
PopWeasel · 08/09/2020 20:21

We've always done something such as a holiday or an event. As there are none this year it seems harder to think of anything.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 08/09/2020 21:25

Dh and I are very low fuss on our birthdays. This year the dc made him a cup of tea, we gave him some presents and then he made a big cooked breakfast for all of us. I made him a birthday cake in the afternoon and he made a roast in the evening.
When it’s my birthday we get a Chinese takeaway and have birthday cake. That’s about it!
No hoopla, usually work and then dinner and cake in the evening.

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