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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - Covid & lockdown related

13 replies

MECmad · 08/09/2020 18:42

STBXH has started a relationship with someone who lives in Caerphilly. We are talking a new relationship (about a month). He is planning to still go & visit her despite Caerphilly being placed in lock down.

We are still living in the same house while trying to sell. Split so far has been very amicable & I was pleased that he had met someone.

I asked him not to see her while they are on additional lockdown measures. He said he doesn’t agree with the lockdown so isn’t going to listen. I told him that he was putting me & DC at risk and he just shrugged his shoulders.

I suggested that he stay with her during this period if he can’t stay away but he won’t as it’s too early in the relationship (he has slept over there on a number of occasions so not too early from that POV).

I don’t think IABU by asking him to follow government guidelines. Appeals to his better nature are falling on deaf ears and he is thinking with his privates. I’m not one of those people massively nervous about Covid but won’t do anything that puts the DC in potential danger or others (we have friends & family who we didn’t see all through main lockdown due to their health issues & I will now have to avoid in case he brings the virus in to my home).

I know any of us could pick It up anywhere but surely going to a high risk area just for a shag is too much of a risk.

Any ideas on how I handle this?

OP posts:
cardibach · 08/09/2020 18:44

Is there anywhere you can go and stay with the Dc? Obviously you shouldn’t have to, but if he won’t listen to reason...

RuggerHug · 08/09/2020 18:51

Tell him to go ahead but have a hotel for 2 weeks after to quarantine.

Yetiyoga · 08/09/2020 18:56

This is a tricky situation. But he should respect your wishes in my opinion.

Singlebutmarried · 08/09/2020 19:01

She may tell him to sod off! Just because he doesn’t agree with it doesn’t mean she feels the same.

NailsNeedDoing · 08/09/2020 19:02

You can’t stop him from doing what he wants, so if you think there’s a risk from him continuing to go to his girlfriends and you want to avoid it, then it will have to be you that goes somewhere else.

ChaChaCha2012 · 08/09/2020 19:07

Officially he can't go, but as he's intent on doing so, you need to evaluate the risk. Does she come into contact with many people through work, socialising etc?

An individual in a lockdown area could be far lower risk than another individual in a non lockdown area, and vice versa.

MECmad · 09/09/2020 08:14

Thanks all. I know I can't stop him but had hoped that he might have a bit of thought for others. Unfortunately I can't go anywhere - don't have the money for a hotel (and would worry that is a higher risk). Family are over an hour away which would have been ideal a few weeks ago but kids are back at school.

I'm going to try follow @ChaChaCha2012 advice and change my thinking that she may be lower risk than someone where we live.

The girlfriend will come into contact with a lot of people through her job (most will be from Caerphilly & unable to work from home due to the nature of the role).

Apparently they can't live without seeing each other so I will just have to suck it up. I have told him that he can only use the bathroom in his ensuite, his bedroom & the lounge. I will wipe the kitchen down every time he goes in there. I have asked him to minimise contact with the DC (which shouldn't be difficult given his past record of not engaging with them) & have threatened to tell them (& his parents) the truth that he is out shagging someone in a lockdown area. He doesn't want anyone knowing about this as it doesn't look good so hopefully he will respect my wishes and keep apart from the rest of us...

OP posts:
OldEvilOwl · 09/09/2020 10:01

He doesn't want anyone knowing about this as it doesn't look good

Your answer is here, refuse to keep his secret and tell people what he's doing. Might make him think again

RoseAndRose · 09/09/2020 10:13

Officially he should not go, or if he does, he must not leave.

It's twats like this that, who are knowingly breaking rules to contain transmission, that are risking all of us anywhere.

One sliver of hope is that it is being enforced

www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/caerphilly-local-lockdown-fines-coronavirus-18896280

and Wales enforced the nationwide lockdown rather more proactively (stopping and challenging motorists).

I bet you are glad you are nearly shot of him!

He should find alternative accommodation on return. Or if you can't force him out and he has no shame, then you will,have to hope he will be responsible enough to isolate himself from you in the house. Given his attitude, that doesn't look promising.

RuggerHug · 09/09/2020 10:31

Oh OP I didn't mean you go to a hotel, he does for the 2 weeks. At his expense.

MECmad · 09/09/2020 10:51

Problem with him going to a hotel or getting fined is that half of that is my money!

He has no shame & it sounds like she doesn't either as she is encouraging him to go up.

I am hoping that he gets stopped on his way there and sent home. He will be a bear with a sore head but it might make it feel more real & give him the reality check he needs.

Part of the problem is that we haven't been affected by Covid in that we don't personally know anyone who has been affected (lucky I know) so I don't think he thinks of it as a real risk. The real reason we haven't been affected is because our family & friends are not twats and have followed the rules!

OP posts:
nosswith · 09/09/2020 11:04

Let Wales Police know his car registration number.

RoseAndRose · 09/09/2020 12:10

I am hoping that he gets stopped on his way there and sent home

Nicer for you if he managed to get in, and then got stranded there until their lockdown was over?

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