To spend so much time ethically disposing of things

[SebastianTheCrab]

Ever since I did Marie Kondo I'm much better at swiftly getting rid of stuff I know I no longer need/don't like and I try and make sure it all goes to the appropriate place whether Freecycle/charity shop/Olio/eBay/electronics recycling whatever.

I'm really pleased the stuff can be re-used or recycled rather than going into a landfill but it just eats into so much of my time, whether it's calling various shelters/charity shops to see what they're taking (a lot are understandably picky now and I don't want to burden them with my unwanted crap) or dealing with multiple enquiries/arranging pick up from Freecycle etc (especially when someone turns out to be a timewaster).

I also feel a lot of the ethical living stuff is just another source of 'mental load' for women whereas my husband would be happy to chuck pretty much anything in the bin. I feel too guilty to do that.

So I guess the AIBU is AIBU to be irritated at how much of my time goes into disposing of things ethically?

I totally get what you’re saying. My conscience doesn’t allow me to just chuck things in the bin and I try and recycle as much as I can, but it does take time and effort. YANBU.

I'm with you! None of the charity shops where I am will rake more than a bag or two and some will only take specific things. I usually end up driving an hour to a donation centre to take everything in one go. And my partner also would rather just hire a skip and put everything in it. I do feel better for recycling and I refuse to throw away something that is good enough for donation but yes, it takes up a lot of my time.

As with much of the "mental load" for women, it's self inflicted.

How much for you useless stuff you people have that you have to spend so much time getting rid of it

It’s the opposite for me. I chuck things if I can’t easily recycle (after weeks of stuff laying around) and my DH painfully recycles every last item at the tip (stores up months worth of crap)

I dont think yabu - Ive said similar before on mn and was mocked. I dont always have the headspace and sometimes throw stuff out that could be disposed of elsewhere. I just dont have the time or energy. I did bollock dh for wanting to buy new rather than a replacement part last week. I even shouted the scout law at him - been a scout since he was 6. He has now ordered a new part.

I read somewhere that the charity shop solution only postpones the item reaching landfill it doesn't prevent it. Every item will be binned in the end. That is how our society is designed. I do sort out recycling and take as much as possible to charity shops but loads of 'tat' goes to the tip. It is sorted there and any reusable materials are reclaimed but no-one is realistically going to get any sort of use from a battered old suitcase or a tatty handbag that I have finished with.

My issue is with my DH and other family members accumulating "stuff" with no thought that they need to be able to store it.

They would live in a hoarders' den. And change the sheets once a year. I don't want to live like that.

I'd be happy if they would just chuck it or even better not buy it in the first place.

I tend to put useable things outside (and maybe on the local FB page) with “free to take” on them. If Freecycle, I tell the interested person that the item is at the top of the side return, help yourself.

YANBU to be irritated, it’s a bit of a trade off though isn’t it. You either put your conscience to one side and bin the lot and have no time commitment, or you go with your conscience and accept that to dispose of absolutely everything ethically it will take up a lot of your time. I kind of meet it halfway-dispose of what I can ethically, but if I can’t do it all because of the time involved, then I do what I can

I totally agree and tbh have started to chuck more stuff away as it's not good for my MH to be so over burdened. I live in a small flat so have to be ruthless otherwise I just have stuff that I hold onto for ages on the off chance a shelter get back to me/I find someone who wants the stuff. It's crap though

I honestly think the environmental benefit in me taking things to the recycling centre is cancelled out by the fact someone had to build me a car which uses petrol in order to get there. I still do it, it's the 'right' thing, maybe.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

As with much of the "mental load" for women, it's self inflicted.

How much for you useless stuff you people have that you have to spend so much time getting rid of it

Ha I knew this qs would come up. Well right now, waiting to go out, is:

• toddler sippy cups (a bit scratched but still perfectly useable), some rattles and baby toys I found at grandparents' house that have been outgrown (those will all go to a shelter)
• an electric toothbrush I've had for 10 years that's broken (needs to go to electronic recycling bin, a 10 min drive)
• a replacement food item from a Tesco order I didn't realize was in there and I now can't return (Olio - been fielding a number of enquiries plus arranging time/date/location for collection)
• some lovely hard back art books of my husband's he no longer needs for work (Freecycle - same admin as for Olio)
• and a free bits on eBay that either have value (some shoes I never wore because I got them while I was pregnant and my feet have since got even bigger ) or things a charity shop would never be able to sell because they're so random but that people on eBay are actively searching for (one such item currently has more than 10 watchers in less than 24 hours. But it won't go for more than a few pounds). Need to photograph them, list them, then post them etc

• I also narrowly escaped a dump of some kids' items from a family member that she was trying to get rid of - and I'm the easiest option as we're meeting this weekend. I had to firmly but politely say I couldn't accept them because I know we won't use them*

*OK I lied and said someone had just given us similar items recently

I struggle with this. I grew up in a hoardy house anyway and was instilled with saving for a rainy day/ DCs or so and so loved it. Not good training for letting go emotionally. Added to that that I would rather items got their full life before disposal environmentally.

I'm sure things could be more joined up, especially for items fit for resale.

At present, it doesn't help that the tip is still appointments only, heavily over demanded with lengthy waits and trying to limit categories of what you take.

I haven't had a clear out yet this year after major DIY and a declutter were completed around Christmas and it was perpetually too wet/ stormy to shift the stuff prior to lockdown.

We tend to agree that items should be recycled wherever possible and my DH is happy to take things to charity shops.

I tend to send clothing and linens to charity shops. If something is damaged or old underwear, I will put in a bag labelled 'rags' as they still get money for each kilo of cloth from 'the ragman'.

Most other stuff I put on my front wall with a note that they are free to anyone who can make use of them. Sometimes my DH will tell me something won't go but I can guarantee most will go within minutes if I put them out when people are due to walk past on the way to or from taking children to school. I've even had people asking me if I've got any gardening or Christmas stuff. 😂

I would sooner have the mental load of sorting, bagging etc and feel I am doing my best to help the planet.

I must admit, that after cutting the hedge and giving some other things a severe pruning this weekend, I could have done without making 4 trips to the tip with all the garden waste. Of course, we could have just had a bonfire, but we all know what MN thinks of those!

I'm contemplating selling all the books that I would normally take to charity shops to webuybooks or similar, as our local charity shops aren't taking donations at the moment. I also I have a few items of quality clothing that I might take to a dress agency in town (including a lovely pair of Hobbs trousers that I have only worn once, but I've lost weight and they're massive on me now, to the point where they fall down, a Nicole Farhi suit that I will never wear again and a Frank Usher beaded evening dress that I have "outgrown"). I think I might get a few quid for them.

Apart from that, most of our stuff goes in the recycling that the council collect.

I hear ya.

I have a small baby and giving stuff to charity would currently involve finding a time he isn’t yelling or asleep to phone the charity shop to book an appointment to donate. (They never answer phone).

Being able to negotiate baby sleeping/boob times to get him in car seat and drive into town. Find somewhere to park remotely near charity shop. Not be able to leave him in car while I manhandle bags of stuff, and there’s too much to fit under the pram. And I don’t want to take him in shops atm anyway for corona reasons.

In essence, my car has had three bags of books/clothes/unwanted smellies in for a month and I’m going to end up binning it and feeling guilt forever but gahhhh.

I know it’s a problem of privilege, massively so, but that doesn’t stop it being inconvenient.

E.g. my lovely MIL buys me nice hand cream sets every Christmas or birthday. I don’t use hand cream. It’s too good to bin but such an arse to donate when you’re under a tiny baby 24/7.

I have no conscience about this stuff. It all goes in the bin. I don’t have the motivation to do anything with it. My “contribution” is that I have very drastically cut down what I buy. I only now buy something if it is needed in day to day life (like replacing my broken fridge freezer) or there is otherwise a specific space/place for it, such as a picture for my room I bought after redecorating. I have a very basic wardrobe now and won’t be buying any more clothing, until stuff becomes tatty and needs replacing at which point the charity shop wouldn’t want it anyway! So theoretically going forward I shouldn’t be amassing huge amounts that need to be disposed of.

YANBU. I have little piles all over the place at the moment to be dropped off at various places, several of which are impossible for me to get to now I'm back in work ft, and they're really starting to get to me.
It's such a waste of resources to throw these things away, but my home is so small.

I am starting to feel like lots of the recycling is offset by all the driving around to recycle stuff...

Meruem I'm aiming for that too.

I've told the family I want zero for Christmas.

I volunteer in a charity shop once a week, and honestly half of what is donated we have to throw straight in the bin, going to landfill. Please don't donate horrible items people! It has genuinely shocked me how nasty some people are. We don't want your broken toys, fetid stinking socks, revolting old greasy cookware or your dirty videos (as in covered in fluff, ancient tea stains and muck, or as in porn lol)
Some stuff needs to go to the tip. You bought a load of rubbish so you deal with it. Your conscience may be clear giving it to charity, but if it is mingingly dirty or broken, you are actually being a complete bastard.

I was once helping in sorting place for it and people donate used underwear. I thought it was just because it was into the big box thing, not shop directly...

However, I was surprised how many brand new pieces still with labels were there.

Also. Tie shoes together, people!

I sympathise OP.
I even send back excess plastic packaging to wasteful mail order companies.
It’s time consuming but if you care, you care. It is making a difference.